Sulking husband

How long is he in this job? He’s earning similar to what juniotrs get in Ireland, if hes in this job years he’s not getting paid well at all not even close, they’re taking the piss coz they know he struggles to leave them, it’s weird how attached he is to the place he’s currently in. He’s only getting around £115 per day. Thats not a lot of money for an experienced engineer at all

He's not really interested in family life, OP, otherwise he'd make time for it. Sorry.

Its your poor children I feel sorry for.
Why have a 3rd child after 5 years when you knew what he was like.
Actions not words are what count.
You have chosen words and your children pay the price of having a father who avoids them at all cost.
Stop believing him for a start.
He doesn't want to be around his family.
You need to accept that and see if you can move to somewhere that might work better for you and the children.
You can do this.
Stop expecting him to change, he wont.

£30k for a PLANE ENGINEER?????

My DD is on that in her 4th year as an apprentice on helicopters. She will start on double that, for fewer hours, when she qualifies in 18 months. There is something seriously wrong here. He is working well over the Working Hours directive, for under minimum wages.

It seems that the extra hours are voluntary. They are never going to increase his salary, why would they, when they are getting 3 or 4 staff hours for under the correct salary for one?

The new job may prove to be his saving. The sulking may be because the current employer went ‘oh but we were just going to increase your pay’ and he’s now feeling he’s done all these years and is leaving just as they’re appreciating him. They won’t increase his pay if he goes back. They will simply see a mug.

But if things don’t improve you will need to
make a big decision.

This is really good advice. You've given up your career once for him, don't do it a second time.

If he really is on £30 k and chose to work instead of being present for his kids to open their Xmas presents he checked out of family life a long, long time ago.

Graduate engineers are on about 30k. I see admin jobs for that amount. What a joke. Working all hours for not much more than minimum wage? It likely equates to less if he’s working 7 days a week

He works so much because he doesn’t want to be a part of the family unit.

Honestly thought you were going to say he’s a brain surgeon earning about 10times that !

somethings not right here ! Thats an absolute piss take. Are you sure he’s working? Who’s actually phoning him on Christmas Day/new year etc?

There is a type of man for whom work is kind of a weird tribe to them, and they need to serve the tribe, be indispensable, available at all times, and let their family go to hell.

Sadly I think you have one of these OP.

It will be nearly impossible to change him. I'd be preparing for your life without him personally.

So the video calls have proved the wages.. They don't prove where he is the hours is is apparently at work though...
He won't change jobs because his cushy cheating schedule is going precisely his way right now.

I totally agree he’s up to something. To have to be on call on Christmas Day as an engineer would be someone who was working in a really important sector, and would certainly not be earning 30k a year.

OP you need to start digging and stop being so trusting.

I call absolutely BS on the job, he is clearly not interested in family life and possibly these “work calls” are a different kind of job if you get my meaning! He is clearly abit of a tosser who puts himself before his wife and children. LTB.

OP, you say “he fets paid well but wouldn’t say were well off, it’s about 30k a year”

You seem to think £30k is well paid. It is way below the average wage.

I know all PPs have now informed you of this but I do wonder why you initially considered it well paid.

I am wondering if your husband actually has a part time job but spends all of his time doing it. You mentioned his hobbies, is his work more of a hobby also?

What is his other job? What amount does that bring in?

You weren't clear to begin with he works two jobs.

youve seen his pay slip.
have you seen how many hours hes paid for? have a look.

im thinking it must be like 20 hours a week or somethimg, which would explain the low total pay, and the rest of the time he isn’t around including christmas day was for him to go see a second family.

which is maybe why youre isolated out there so you don’t bump into each other. He probably tells them he works permanent nightshift so he can see you or something.
sorry op.

i might be barking up the wrong tree but somwthimg doesn't add up.

The thing is, the threat of resigning (you mentioned he’s done so and retracted it a few times), only works once. You resign, they counter, you stay. But you can’t keep doing it. And you don’t withdraw your resignation on a promise. That’s even weaker. I don’t generally think resigning is the best long term strategy, because you seem disloyal, so your name ends up high on the redundancy list. But it seems your DH is hanging on their every word about these imaginary pay reviews.

His employers must be laughing all the way to the bank. They have someone who will work like a donkey that they only have to feed peanuts.

Wanting to work 7 days a week and holidays for 30k when he could get the same for less hours. It just makes no sense to me.

Do. Not. Give. Up. Your. Job.

Please don't do that! He has already mentally checked out of your life and your kids life. What happens if he takes the next step and checks out physically? You are extremely vulnerable and if you divorce, you'll be in serious financial trouble as a family if you have to run two homes on one low salary. Even if you stay together, put your kids first - expecting a family of 5 to live off £30k whilst you sit around twiddling your thumbs all day just so you can pick your kids up from school is a horrendous parenting decision.

What do you mean by this?

So you are earning basically the same amount as him and doing all the work as well!

Are you joking? Why would he waste his life for this?

Do not quit your job OP - that will be your life line if or more like when you leave him.

He had 3 children knowing they'd need parenting, didn't he? Or did you think only women are responsible for their choices?

This!!! My son in law is an engineer, earns double that and has only been qualified four years. In fact my other son in law earns more than your husband as a delivery driver for Tesco!!!!