Sulking husband

Usually I hate it when I see people suggest an affair or secret family but this is the first time where I’ve actually thought it could be possible.

30k for a job that has you taking calls on Christmas Day is INSANE, completely mad. I earn 6 figures and I’m uncontactable from the 12th December onwards. This is utter madness.

Sorry, this does not add up

Do you think he could be showing you fake payslips ? Try and have a look at his bank statements to see if they match.

He could also quite easily fake his location using a fake or mock GPS app.

I don’t think you can rule out the possibility that he did not go to work on Xmas day, but had lunch with a lover / another family he is spending the rest of his hidden earnings on

He gets paid well? On £30k for 7 days a week and ruining Christmas Day, are you serious?! How much do you earn working full time?

If you can't drive, you can't live rurally, you need to move.

What was your career that you lived that you gave up? Why did you?

How do you work full time if you have a three year old, live rurally and don't drive? Who is looking after them all day?

Wow all this for a 30k job. Do you want to be with him when he had no time for you or your children? I feel like there’s more going on here. An affair or he doesn’t want to spend time with the kids etc?

I honestly couldn’t be with such an uncaring person.

This is a divorce waiting to happen.

This man doesn’t want to be with you or the children. Time to find a home that is situated in a place that makes life easier for you and the kids.

There’s a lot not right with someone earning £30k and working these types of hours and refusing to change.

You also loved your career which you gave up. As other have said your whole set up sounds terrible. Your only perk as you’ve said is being married and having children. Your a lonely married single mother and your children sound like they are suffering too because they have this expectation there from a parent who is never around. I really truly hope you pop this bubble your in and move into a town see as you don’t drive. Get yourself a social life and drive yourself back into the career you so loved and lost. Sacrificing your life to this extend of isolation and your poor poor children all for a bloke who’s never around allows you to carry all the strain that comes with being a parent and you work full time too. He earns 30k. 30k let that sink in. 30k is the price to turn your back on your family responsibilities these days. Wow. Honestly it’s not worth it. You both chose to have children they are half yours half his. But I’m guessing the housework cooking cleaning and all the planning and preparation of everyday life also falls on you too. If you were my sister I’d get you to leave and start living the life you and your children deserve.

@Mummalovesya

This isn't about him sulking. This is 100% about the fact neither of you are happy with your life.

He isn't happy being part of a family, because I can guarantee you no one works 7/365 for 30k. I come from a family of engineers, and married one, and not a single one of them would have answered the phone on Christmas day, with the exception of my husband, and even then only if he was the escalation call that year (and he gets paid a lot more than 30k plus on call payments).

You are not happy being a single parent stuck somewhere you can't get around. Understandable, but you have allowed it to happen to you. You're also resentful that you gave up your career for him.

You both need to make changes, but also you both need to be absolutely committed to making the relationship and the family life work. If either of you aren't, it won't.

Something doesn’t add up here. £30k a year for an engineering job which requires working 7 days a week and on Christmas Day?!

It doesn’t make sense.

What does he bring to the marriage and family (other than money?) It sounds like you'd be happier without him.

He’s either lying or he has mug written on his forehead.

From just your opening post my first thoughts are that he has someone else at work and won’t leave to do a job that means he has more time to be with you and dc because that would mean he wouldn’t see his special friend.

When someone is telling you that they don’t want to spend time with you. Why do you stay.

Move away to a town or city where you and dc have transport, shops, schools and friends within a walk or a bus ride away

Some of this doesn't make a bit of sense, but if I were in these circumstances, I'd be putting my foot down so hard the impact would be felt around the world. No job is worth missing out on your whole life for, but especially not a job with those hours combined with that pay.

Yep, someone I know is a store manager in a McDonalds - £47K a year they're on.

If he working all those hours for 30k he isn’t even on minimum wage. He is either lying about being at work , or lying about his wage.

Yeah I have no degree, an office manager earning 43.5k. He’s a mug

This has to be a wind up, im an office manager with no degree and i make £33k a year for 37.5hrs a week

£30k and he’s working 7 days a week? He’s an absolute fool.

Leave him and move to a town with good public transport. He sounds like an arse.

This is no life for you and your children. You need to let him know in black and white that he either works his contracted hours only, or you’re off. I’m going to stick my neck right out here and bet he’s autistic. That aside, I would give him an ultimatum. I feel really sorry for you, setting yourself on fire to keep everyone warm.

He worked all over Christmas , new year everything etc. he was taking work calls whilst the kids were opening presents and had to leave mid way through, came back at 4.30pm missed dinner and had to leave shortly after to go to the head office

Did I read that right? He's an engineer on 30k a year and he's taking work calls on Christmas Day? Something doesn't sound right. Most engineers regardless of the exact nature of the work would earn a lot more than 30k, especially if it's a job that can often be done from home, so not blue collar, manual work as such. And who on earth has to take work calls on Christmas Day? It's not like he's an emergency brain surgeon or the Prime Minister.

I think you should look at moving somewhere less rural for a start. That must be a nightmare if you don't drive. What is the job he's so keen to back to that he's only going to give the new job a year?

Surely an engineer called into work on Christmas Day wouldn't be needed at Head Office but on-site somewhere? Unless they were maintaining an office system, like IT or plumbing?

He's cheating.
What sort of a life is this giving your kids?
No holidays? No trips? No Dad.
That salary is wild. There is no way, not one chance he's working 7 days a week, working Christmas Day and taking home 30 thousand pounds.
Find out what is going on, and if he's really working, and refuses to get a better paying job that he isn't obsessed with, you can't stay.......and if he's not working and there's more to this, then you can't stay either.
Hopefully he is literally a workaholic with no idea of his worth who is willing to get help, as anything else is going to be really hard on all of you.

There are multiple things that need to change here, not just your DH's job. You need to move somewhere that you can get around more easily on public transport, and where taxis are readily available. If you cannot drive, you need to put yourself in a position where you can still get the kids to where they need to be.

And, yes, DH needs to think about changing his job so he can be more present with the family.

@gamerchick

He sounds like a workoholic. These men don't change.

@MNLurker1345

It is clear as PPs have said he is a workaholic.

Lots of men are 'workaholics' when the children are young/small/still at school/still living at home. 🙄It's almost like they want to leave all the childcare, and 'wifework,' to their wife/the mother of their children.

They're not so much of a workaholic when the kids have left home though. Can't get them out of the house then! 🙄

Personally @Mummalovesya I would be getting my ducks in a row if I were you, and he can get shared custody. Force him to bloody well do his share of the childcare, for the children HE chose to create (along with you!)

No family man is a workaholic. It's all bullshit. He just CBA with his responsibilities. Force his hand. Threaten to divorce him if things don't change.

I am also questioning the £30K a year. That's not much more than minimum wage. Most experienced/qualified enginners in the UK would be on £45K to £50K a year or more...

And no WAY is his employer needing him to work all these hours....

Something is very fishy and 'off' here. I would be keeping a very close eye on him @Mummalovesya No WAY is an experienced, and (suppoedly) 'in-demand' engineer on £30K a year. You'd get more than that stacking shelves in Aldi, or flipping burgers in Maccies. (No disrespect to those jobs and those who do them; I just mean you don't need any qualifications or a special set of skills to do them... Something as skilled as an engineer would pay much more than £30K a year, especially an eexperienced one.)

It's sounding suspiciously like he is leading a double life. I would be hiring a private investigator to follow him and see what he's up to...