Sulking husband

@Mummalovesya does his boss try to sabotage other important family days or occasions? It seems particularly vindictive to call an employee on Christmas Day. Especially an employee you know has a young family.
Unless it was a major, major emergency then it sounds personal and vindictive.

If this is real, the dynamic between your husband and his boss is one of the most bizarre things I've ever read on here.

Is he actually working as an 'engineer' or just a personal assistant or something?

And it was definitely him calling on Christmas Day?
What was so important that he needed to take your husband away from his family on Christmas Day?

Honestly, if I were you I’d leave. What he’s done is unforgivable and it’s crossed a line. He’s a terrible husband and dad. You and your kids deserve better.

He picks up his boss dry cleaning and ran a personal errand for his boss on Xmas day???!!

I have read some mad things on Mumsnet but honestly this is up there, OP again kindly but honestly your husband would rather spend his free unpaid time being a general dogs body than spending the time with his family. This is so unattractive and not what you deserve in a husband/father of your children, why are you putting up with this?

honestly at this point I’m not even sure he was picking up the dry cleaning I think that was a cover story and something else is going on between him and the boss, this is the reddest red flag.

Op how can you have any respect for your husband?

His boss had him running personal errands on Christmas Day?
Have you met his boss? Because this sounds incredibly suspicious. I’ve known some pretty horrendous managers in my time but not a single one of them would have their staff running errands for them on Christmas Day!!

And I’m so sorry you had to give up such a wonderful career. That must have been so hard for you

He picks up his boss’ dry cleaning?! WTF? Why would he do that, it’s madness?

As others have said, he’s either a complete and utter mug or has another family. Are you absolutely 100% sure it is the boss calling?

Is 30K before or after tax?
It sounds unlikely but it does happen a few years ago my parner’s old boss was working all the hours God sent for approximately £35k, he had 2 young children and it put a massive strain on his marriage. He changed jobs and he’s much happier now probably earns twice as much money for half as much work. It probably was worth it in the long term to gain the experience as a manager but he probably stayed longer in the role than he should have done.

This OP needs to get in touch with the other lady whose husband was locked in his office from 5am on Christmas Day. There was clearly a global emergency that none of us knew about!

Does it ring true to you that he is genuinely working @Mummalovesya? Setting aside the issue of money, what does the company do that means there is a crisis on Christmas Day that needs his immediate attention? I thought you were going to say he had some blue light/on duty role where lives depended on him. If he does have huge responsibility 365 days a year why is he on less than minimum wage for the hours he works? It doesn’t make sense.

Hi OP

Apologies if anyone else has already stated this, but it's likely to be salary sacrifice. He could be being paid £60k + but if you pay into a salary sacrifice pension, you won't see the original salary amount on your payslip. I've had to do this, as I had no pension by the age of 45 and realised I needed to make large payments into my occupational pension if I am to stand a hope in hell of keeping afloat in retirement.

Aside from this, and I'm probably being ignorant here, but how does a plane engineer work from home?

OP, I totally get this though. You married a guy and made changes here and there, had children and now you find yourself isolated with little help. These situations creep up on us until one day we realise we're no longer content. As others have said, it's likely he's a workaholic and actually doesn't enjoy the day to day childcare.

I will also take any bets on this new, and more convenient job, 'falling through' so he has to keep the old one...

What's stopping him withdrawing his application and sticking with the old job and telling you that the job fell through or was withdrawn? Would you ever find out?

Unless the OP meant to type £130k instead of £30k nothing about this makes any sense.

Agree! My husband earns well into 6 figures and stopped working 18th dec to 6th jan. No phone calls

@MummalovesyaI really hope after reading all these responses that it slaps you in the face waking you up to your reality which is draining the literal life from you and your 3 children. Your already bossing this on your own it sound like the negatives in your life are all caused by him. I think he’s having an affair, his location is on to you he definitely has a second phone at the office which he can swap so it looks like he’s there. If you care enough to waste money hire a PI or don’t he knows you don’t have the means to show up there anyway. He’s taking full advantage of you.
He’s living a double life no one leaves on Christmas Day if they truly cared about their wife and children. His priorities are twisted by the sounds of things. Do not waste anymore of your life. It’s too short. Keep your job and move to the nearest town where you can have a life. Yes you might miss this person you occasionally see but wash his shitty pants but as soon as your settled in your own in a fun environment with no expectations from this other person I promise you’ll wish you left sooner. Not just for yourself but I’ve never felt more sorry for kids than I do yours right now. Sounds like the type that sit at the window waiting for someone to show up who never does. Take the expectation away and they’ll be so so much happier. Please please please wake up and get yourself a strong friendship in someone who has a backbone will tell you the truth and be there to support you.

There’s definitely more to this - the hours v salary does not ring true. No life for your children being stuck in a rural location with no means of transport especially with the eldest nearly a teenager - what on earth do your kids spend their time out of school doing? You need to be the one calling the shots here I’d be taking the kids and moving to the nearest town - up to dh what he decides to do then.

@Mummalovesya If as you say you live rurally and can't drive how do your kids get to and from breakfast club etc? Is it that you have other support you can draw on? I would use this support whilst planning to leave and move closer to the support.
I also think your OH is possibly lying about his job and you need to do more digging about what his job actually involves that he needed to be at HO on xmas day. Sounds very fishy.

Firstly OP under no circumstances should you leave your job, your going to need and want that!

At first I thought he was just abit of a workaholic/didn’t want any home life responsibilities, which is awful anyway but maybe would be just about acceptable if he was earning big bucks. The more I read the more I think his having an affair or actually has a whole second family. There is no way he went into work on Christmas Day, not for the money his on. As others have pointed out for the hours his doing and the money he is bringing home he is working well below minimum wage, no one in their right mind would be happy with this/carry on doing this year after year.

Kindly OP you really need to think about how this relationship is of any benefit to you, your working full time with no home and childcare help your basically single anyway. The resentment will be awful if this carries on.

I think you need to do some really deep digging because there is no way his doing what he says he is, but honestly financially your bringing the same to the household and your the one running it, you need to put your foot right down at the very least.

Op, here are some engineer jobs at BA currently, only the support role has a salary listed and that's 38k. The principal roles will be much more.

Something isn't adding up in your husband's story, sorry

BAE Systems jobs in Filton, United Kingdom https://share.google/JSF4k1FNyl8sqO5oX

If he's earning 30k but working 7 days a week and nights, he's not earning well. I'm on around that and I'm pretty happy with it, but i work office hours 5 days a week. This cant continue. This sounds bleak, but i read an article about death bed regrets. No one regretted not working more. Everyone regretted not spending more time with their family. Maybe you need to put it in these stark terms to him.

This is a good point.

If he works 7 days/week, 8 hours/day
56 × 52 = 2,912 hours
30,00 ÷ 2,912 = ~£10.30/hour

That’s 15% below the living wage.

He either has some ulterior motivation to leave you on your own or he is a total fool.

Engineer here. Graduates start on £28k, up to £32k by year 2. Senior engineers are around £45k. Associates around £75k inc bonus. Our offices are closed Christmas to NY.