Sulking husband

Let’s face it, what dry cleaning place would be open on Christmas Day anyway?! OP he is spinning you a web of lies, wake up and smell the bacon!!!

Omg this hhole scenario sounds mental. You’re there under the misapprehension that you’re only there temporarily.
you’ve given up a job that you love and which sounds incredibly fun, engaging and stimulating and presumably very social.
youre now stuck in the arse end of Nowhere , unable to travel independently because you’re reliant on public transport.
You have a significantly absent husband, you’re barely seeing your own children because you’re working full time with kids in holiday and after school clubs .
your husband is chasing the dream of a pay rise like some kind of gabbling addict constantly putting more and more into the fruit machine and hoping for that eventual big win, doesn’t happen so he is playing higher and higher stakes , has lost out on a family life altogether and is (hopefully) at very real risk of losing his family altogether .
and his boss is ripping the piss out of him.
this sounds like one of those movies where the husband eventually loses his shit and goes on some kind of mad rampage.

something has to change and it sounds like you’re the only person who is able to make any changes.
Dont let your kids grow up thinking that this is normal. Absent dad working for peanuts. Mum working all the hours and trapped at home without transport , parents presumably have no relation ship , so the kids see your dynamic as a married couple?
even if they don’t hear how pissed off you are they will sense it and of course they must wonder why their dad finds more interesting than his own kids.
do the right thing for them and you. You all deserve better

Time to move somewhere less rural if you cannot drive, you’ll feel more empowered and less trapped.
a frank and honest discussion with husband that he’s missing his children grow up. Working 7 days a week all the time is unreasonable. And illegal ?! Is he definitely at work ?! And for rubbish pay why is he doing it ?!
can you go part time with work to take some of the pressure off yourself?

Theres something really off here... id agree with others hes opting out of family life..

My other half is an engineer - for context hes 28 and been in the same job for 5 years - started on 28k - its more than doubled in those 5 years.. (he also works 4 on 4 off so sees the kids loads!).

Your other half needs a different job

There’s all sorts of questions need answering here, 30k is a LOW WAGE, no one works 7 days a week and misses Christmas dinner for 30k a year. It sounds like your husband doesn’t even want to be in the same room as you, you are living some sort of lie, this isn’t going to end well be prepared

My husband is an aerospace engineer uk- I just asked about wages with him, and he said on his site the forklift truck drivers earn over 30k. I know you said you have seen pay slips, but could they have been old ones? I really don’t think this can be right. My husband had a struggle with work life balance years ago (he is a lot better now) so until you said about the money I was thinking could you outsource more support - do you get to see his bank account? I’m sorry his behaviour must be really hurtful.

I agree with other posters, there is something fishy going on here. Time to play detective.

Is he not embarrassed to be basically working 24/7 for £30k? What a mug.

30k as an engineer??? Sorry OP I work in a sort of admin type role that supports engineers and I make 45k a year doing that, skilled engineers make soooo much more. Maybe he is lying to you about what he does for a job.

I don’t believe for a second that’s his real wage for that especially if he’s working such long hours. There is something really suspicious going on and you should try get to the bottom of it.

These payslips are not in any way correct. They have been produced to reflect what he has told you. The real amount is being hidden or are from a company that he is really working for and this real income is being hidden from you. He was missing for all of Christmas Day is also a wake-up: he was with his "other" family and this goes for all the time he is away from you at family time. Ducks in a row time OP.

He has another family somewhere. No job is 24 hours, especially for just £30k. There is another someone else kept really well hidden (including the money). If his position was really 24 hours (which isn't realistic in any sense) then he would be on over £100k. You are being taken for a fool.

He isn't much of a people pleaser when the one he made vows to is at the bottom of his list...
Intrigued to know how he will share dc after the divorce when he doesn't know them.

Really?! That’s crap! For context, my administrator earns more than him.

Hes selfish and avoiding you all. I’d leave him. How do you even live with that rejection, let alone your kids.

He is an engineer. What kind of rural engineer is he that is on call Xmas day. I think you are being super vague. Is he a gas engineer? I presume he is getting paid a fortune to be on call over Xmas and New Year

Sadly this is exactly what I thought from this too.
'Errands' that are not legal.

Does his boss have a hold over him for some reason?

I can’t think that any man would otherwise demean himself as you describe …picking up dry cleaning on demand for the boss does not come under the job description of engineer in the normal world especially not on Christmas day.

Oh god op he would give me the ick. A mouse of a man and all for 30 measly k ! Ugh

Most dads are using their phone to take pictures of kids opening their presents as opposed to taking non urgent work calls.

Sounds very suspicious - I know someone whose husband runs similar errands - but they are a cover for running drugs.

This would be a deal breaker for me.

If my other half was working such long hours, id want it to be for a salary that enabled us to live on one income, and to live in a location with all the services/support we needed (i.e. public transport).

Something has to give or he will miss his children's whole lives.

I'd tell him I want a PRESENT husband and if he can't see himself like that, I'm leaving. He's a workaholic.

He can’t be that much of a people please as he clearly doesn’t care about you and the 3 littles. Who leaves to answer a work call when they are opening Xmas presents? What can be THAT urgent unless he is an A&E trauma surgeon?!

This stuff shapes kids OP. They’re going tk grow up with zero bond with their dad, knowing they can never depend on him and thinking they’re second class citizens in his life.

Why do you stay with him?

OP, you are at home with your husband, you see what is going on. Do you believe that he is just a fool or do you think there is more to this than meets the eye?

You say he is doing this to suck up to his boss, as a people pleaser; what with his job/hobbies/working all hours and days under the sun and licking his boss’s arse does he exhibit any other extreme behaviours.

Something clearly isn’t right or are
we over speculating?

Got to agree with @Xcxlxn, it really sounds like they are doing something else that they both needed to be together for on Christmas Day

My dad was an aerospace engineer which I assumed the OP meant when she said plane engineer. My dad designed planes, it was all done on computer, so I can see how it could be done from home easily.