AIBU by dressing like how my old clique at school dressed, since it comes across as "gangster" to some people?

If you’re on facebook you might as well join instagram, the two are linked. You’ll be able to find your friends on there. Most 22 year olds do instagram and snapchat.

Have a wider look for your crew, loveie. It sounds like you need some people who know you well.

When my late partner died, I wanted to tell some people who had been very good friends of his years before, but that he'd lost contact with. I managed to find one person, who had a strong look so was easy to spot, on Instagram. He got hold of everyone else I wanted, once I'd found him. I did it by spending about 3 days of desperate searching and thought it wouldn't work, but it did...

Are you the poster always posting about “chavs”?

Have you thought about doing some volunteering? I manage a group of volunteers and they are the most diverse group you’ll ever encounter. I was watching an 80+ year old in a twin set and pearls working with a teen with pink hair and a nose piercing. It was lovely watching them laugh together.

OP Have you been assessed for autism? I am autistic and had the same frozen in time thing for a long time.
I'm the emotional type whereas my sister is the systemising logical type.
Clothing-wise, wear what makes you comfortable but at the same time, be aware that some people judge based on clothing.

Have you had any therapy to deal with the aftermath of your condition? If not, you probably should.

At the moment, you seem to be frozen in time. Everyone and everything has moved on, but you’re still exactly in the same place (including emotionally). You need to also move forward, even if it’s very slowly. This is not just about what you wear.

Can’t you just search for your friends on Instagram?

I'm sorry your parents are so shit. Dress however you like and see if you can track down your friends in Insta or Discord or wherever young adults are, maybe get a non-smart phone so you can at least call and text people.

Would you reconsider getting a phone?

DD is 25 and keeps in touch with her friends on Snapchat and WhatsApp, which you need a phone for.

Totes 22. Bless.

@meltycat yes you wear what you want to however when you make that choice you need to understand that all people who don’t know you will make their own initial judgement of what sort of person you are based on how you look.

Im not certain your question is genuine since I can’t quite believe any 20year old wouldn’t recognise the very obvious vibe given by your choices (swagger pants, hoodrich, gold chains). Yes these obviously say roadman/gangster/steer clear when a stranger has to make an initial first impression. Anyone who says people don’t make initial assumptions is deluded. It’s human psychology and unavoidable.

You sound a little sad and lonely. If you can start branching out a little and trying new clubs I’m sure you will make new friends whatever you are wearing

Autism runs in families. You might be autistic too. The tomboyness and the overanalysing and taking to heart a rude comment both make me suspect that.

I recommend that you wear whatever makes you feel comfortable and feels authentic to you. Clothing can be a form of masking and wearing something that feels wrong is tiring. This doesn't preclude trying different styles on when shopping to see if they also feel authentic.

Oh, and please consider dropping in on the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters board.

The reality that all the wear what you like brigade seem to gloss over is that people do judge by appearances. People make assumptions based on the way you dress. if you're okay with that, wear what you like. If you want to attract new friends I might think what messages your clothes say about you.

You are very young though. Your best years should be ahead of you. Try to embrace new things rather than clinging to the past. I started over again at your age in new city. I didn't know anybody and I was very lonely at first. The years afterward though were the best years of my life. I am sorry your parents are so unsupportive - my husband is on the spectrum and I'm sure he loves me and tries to be supportive but sometimes misses the mark.

Oh, and in case Hi Ren is a bit out there / not your cup of tea, here he is in happy mode instead, having fun busking with his band The Big Push.

He can't tour like most musicians because of how debilitating his illness can still be sometimes, so he's solved that one by only doing occasional gigs, or busking when he feels well enough, on his own terms.

My son introduced me to Ren when I was stuck at home with COVID and suffice to say I'm a fan now 😁

You wear what you feel good wearing. Don't let anyone tell you how to dress when you're out and about. Your style is yours.

Sorry to hear you're feeling a bit lost.

It is really hard when you've been ill and it feels like everyone else has moved on, my heart goes out to you.

It won't be like this forever though, I promise. You are young and the world is your oyster, even if it doesn't feel like it just now.

Many of us on this forum have had to rebuild our lives, for many reasons - sometimes as simple as moving to a town where you don't know anyone, or fleeing a toxic relationship, or after illness, like you.

Making new friends as an adult is totally doable. It takes time, but you'll get there.

In the meantime keep posting here, it's great for company if you can ignore the arseholes!

Oh, also, please try to ignore the posters who are being less than helpful.

This place can be a fantastic source of advice, company and humour. I've been here the best part of 20 years and wouldn't be without it.

However it does also tend to attract some people who just like to tear strips of people, and this section, AIBU, is often full of them.

They appear to enjoy lording it over other people / just being arseholes. Best ignored IMO.

I'm sorry, it sounds like you've had a really tough time. It must be a huge relief to be recovering now.

I was a tom boy as a teenager and dressed that way for most of my 20s too. Go for it! It's your style, enjoy it.

My style changed as I got older and got used to wearing work clothes, but in my 50s now and still feel most comfortable in jeans.

On a total random one, have you heard of the musician Ren? You can find him on YouTube.
His story might chime with you - he spend many years in his teens and 20s bed bound and debilitated by Lyme's disease, which was for a long time misdiagnosed as being all in his mind.

He writes about dealing with long term illness, among other things, and has a fabtastic community of supportive fans around him many of whom have had similar experiences.

He also managed to beat Rick Ashley's come back single to number 1 despite Ren being a totally independent artist - no record label, which is quite a feat IMO.

It's hard to say what genre his music is as he releases music across several different genres, but this one - Hi Ren - is a performance piece that's a good introduction.

👍

Are you working or studying? Do you dress very differently to other people you see every day? What you wear should make you feel happy and comfortable but, of course, we often form opinions about people based on their outward appearance so you might have to decide if you want to project that image.