DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

Are these numbers right? You put in 1000 between you and the mortgage is 900 of that? How do you live on 100? Looking at the first few responses I think some responders have misunderstood. You seem to be saying he's not going to contribute anything in terms of ongoing cash flow. I'd be very upset about that, unless he's taking all the household brain strain off you, like a sahm. Even then I think it needs to be a joint decision. "His" pension may be paying off the mortgage but your efforts will have enabled him to accumulate that pension. No married person is a solo traveller through life!

OP. It sounds like DH became unwell/burnt out and chose to take early retirement. Some services enable this at 55. Was he on sick leave before retiring? Did he retire on health grounds? Both would have given him either some time away from work and/or more pension. Either way he stills needs to financially plan how he is going to live for the next few decades. If he has qualified to retire early I suspect that the pension is not that small or he has sacrificed it for a larger lump sum? Hopefully he got some financial advice on this. Did you have time at home whilst he worked? Have you sacrificed your career/pension to support his career? What surprises me from these responses is the view of his and her money. I’ve been married 35 years, always with a joint bank account and any money is joint. I don’t get the point of his financial contribution excuses him from paying any bills for the next year. That money has reduced your joint financial liabilities but you are both jointly responsible for paying the remainder. If I was you OP I would be annoyed at this presumption by him. Yes, you could agree a short period of support BUT he will need to pull his weight at home and pick up work to pay his share within the year.

So you're basically writing a post about paying £100 extra per month for a year while he takes some time out? If its the job I'm thinking of then a year off would be beneficial. Its just a year while he decides what to do next.

You ANBU. I am a few years older than my DH, so was always going to be finishing work earlier. I however stopped working sooner than I planned (late 50s) after a period of illness. I inherited some money from my parents, so I paid off our mortgage as well as outstanding car loans for us both. I use my savings to pay for Christmas presents, holidays etc, and if there's any shortfall on expenses each month. I also do basically all of the housework, washing, ironing, shopping and cooking, as well as the gardening. Our DC are adults and at uni, so no childcare. I know DH definitely resents the fact that I am not working on occasion, as I can go and do things spontaneously etc. But he can't say anything because I'm not living off his income without making any financial contribution, and he doesn't have to do anything at home.
If your DH wants to not work he needs to make up for that in other ways and do the school run etc and use at least some of his pension towards household bills.

It sounds fair enough to me. If each contribute £1000 a month with the mortgage, without the mortgage, DH has paid his share already and OP is paying the same she always did, so no change for her. The family will be better off saving thousands in interest.

It shouldn't matter where the money comes from (well within legitimate/moral sources of course) as long as each contributes their share, which DH has done in advance. How many years were left on the mortgage? If it was several years, he has paid his share for several years now!

However. With him having more spare time, it does only seem fair that he picks up more of the domestic chore load.

he pays off the mortgage, in one year he does not work to work. You got 50 % equity.

I don’t think it would be fair. Yes the mortgage is gone but as pp have pointed out, he couldn’t afford this is he lived alone so it’s not just his decision to make. If he could afford to still pay half the bills then fine - but he can’t/ won’t.

My H suggested similar (although the mortgage will be paid off shortly so it’s not coming from his pension or lump sum). I’ve made it clear he always has to find half the bills. His half will of course be a lot smaller one were mortgage free, but I’m not taking over the full financial load. I’ve always worked and used to earn more plus had the more flexible job so did the vast majority of childcare and the housework. No way is he lazing about and not contributing.

Id be clear op that you don’t agree to this arrangement. But if he insists, I’d let him pay it off and then divorce him. He can then sort himself out with half the equity and no job or income.

Is he a stereotypical man who sees your role and his role completely separate? No doubt his job has been all consuming etc but it sounds like you and your children (his family) are separate entities and you're responsible for everything that he doesn't want. You must have had to make sacrifices to enable him to focus on work alone - where is the 'togetherness' in all this?

I have voted NBU, your husband is well below retirement age and with school aged children cannot afford to retire and contribute nothing imo. My DH is giving up work in a few months aged 59 having paid the mortgage off a year or so ago. However our bills are enormous, food, energy, council tax, 2 cars and we have 3 school aged children. I think the whole thing is ridiculous but he seems to believe he has enough savings/pension pots to keep paying the bills as he did before. In your situation I would be extremely annoyed that your children will potentially be denied opportunities as a result of your DH not earning anything. The division of bills in our household has me funding the children's activities so they won't be affected.

@whatisheupto's suggestion is an excellent one. Cards on the table.

My only concern prior to this is that the OP's DH did not have a plan in the first place.

I guess the big questions are:

1. When was the mortgage due to end?
2. Despite paying off the mortgage early, thereby reducing the £2000 monthly outgoings by £900, why isn't he still paying the outstanding £100 per month towards bills?
3. If the mortgage was due to end in 5 years, will he then switch to paying 50% of bills at that point in time? Is his pension large enough to cover that £1000 per month?

I don't think he's being at all unreasonable, so long as there's a definite plan for him to resume 50:50 contributions at the end of the mortgage term.

If he kept working and kept paying £1000, you would still need to keep working full-time, so nothing has actually changed for you. It seems like jealousy and a sense of entitlement that you shouldn't have to work if he doesn't.

Does it not depend on the type of mortgage if it’s a repayment type mortgage he can over pay but also it saves you fees of FAs etc every few years…
would you have the option to downsize say in 10 years time also he will probably get state pension in a few years time

I think you are right to be concerned OP. I font know the answer but one thing I would say is it might he helpful to sit down together with him and plan out some different scenarios and how they would work. Ie. Scenario 1, you retire at 55 too. How do finances work assuming you both live to 90? Scenario 2. He goes back to work at 57 and you both keep working until you're 67, perhaps part time.... etc etc. Add in possibility of ill health in later years etc etc

Keep print outs of these and revisit them each year so you both stay on the same page.

I would also consider putting something in writing... like a contract but don't call it that... that sets out the understanding you have. Ie. That he will go back to work after one year, and in the meantime that he will start cooking all week day dinners, that he will clean 3 times per week etc etc. Also print it out.
He is still a parent to a young family, he can't just put his feet up for the rest of his days!

He’s a parent, he doesn’t get to opt out of school runs or parenting because it makes him bad-tempered 🤦🏻‍♀️. If that’s really the case then he needs to go to parenting/anger management courses.

He also doesn’t get to decide that he’s ok with hoovering, but not cleaning the bathrooms 🙄

He can’t have kids late in life but retire early and expect to not parent (& yes, cleaning the bathroom is very much part of parenting). If he didn’t want to parent once he’d taken early retirement, he should have had kids earlier.

He’s being ridiculous.

If the two of you agree that he takes a year off and his contribution is paying the mortgage, so be it. But his contribution to parenting and housework should equal the time that you’re in paid work and everything that needs doing after that is split 50/50.

Magic

''DH has always taken a back seat with childcare which was agreed before we had dc and I was more than happy with this as his job was the more stable one so was more important for him to have work focus and his downtime.''

It sounds like you facilitated his career, and now you're expected to facilitate his retirement.

OP.
In our house we are a partnership.

So all money is joint money.

Our pensions are joint money. I wouldn't retire until my other half retires.

Together, do you have sufficient to retire, in pensions?

If not, what will you live off and how will you save it together?

If he has minimal pension, and so do you, where does he think the money will come from?

It sounds like you both work hard and pull your weight. I'd feel like he is being a little selfish.

If he keeps working, then you can both put that money, that would have gone towards your mortgage, into your pensions?

Yes of course you are right, I hadn't thought that through properly.
We don't know what the remaining term is. That is another important piece of information that's missing here.

That’s ok so long as he takes over ALL the domestic stuff and life admin + mental load with the kids the same way a SAHM would .
All drop offs and pick ups ,all running to extra curricular activities, pick up / drop off when they go to friends houses , taking them to medical and dental appointments, hair cuts , buying new clothes and shoes with them etc
Also he ought to do the cooking and shopping

In terms of the finances, it is absolutely relevant how much mortgage he is paying off and how much you will be saving in compound interest etc. For some reason, you've not discussed this. Or how much money he will have available every month beyond the lump sum.

But the thing is, you're married. Which means that you're meant to be a team, work together, plan and make decisions together. But your DH is just dictating how things will be, financially and practically. Has he always been like this or is this new? I suspect the former somehow.

Because he won't do the school run. Or clean toilets. And gets grumpy when he has to be alone with his own kids. What on earth is that all about? All these ridiculous behaviours are a much bigger problem that the money.

Ultimately, he is happy to see his family's quality of life plummet. I don't know how accepting I would be of that.

I don’t get this at all. I pay 100% of my household bills. Because of that I expect my DH to keep on top
of everything at home.

Hmm. Actually she said that HE says his pension is very small. But it can't be that small if he can pay off what is probably a 6 figure mortgage (must be if payments are £900 a month) by taking his 25% drawdown. He must still have several hundred a month income. And I'd like to know what savings he has too. There's no way he can't afford to contribute more.

It’s unlikely to be a dc pension, where you can draw down, if it’s a police pension or something similar. It’ll be a db pension with a fixed sum each month and a lump sum which isn’t 25%, but the larger the lump sum, the larger the pension normally is, even if they’ve taken the larger lump sum option. If he’s been in it for quite a few years, which it sounds as if he has been if he’s burnt out and worked hard for so long, as the OP says, then he’ll have a good monthly payment too. How much is it OP? Do you actually know or is it what he’s telling you?
I’m sure he can contribute more each month, especially the £100 deficit, which you seem to think will mean less holidays and luxuries.

It doesn’t add up.

Yes sorry I hadn’t seen the updates. He sounds like an entitled pig.

I hadn’t seen the update. Obviously he needs to step up and take on the lion’s share at home during his year off. (Though if he feels entitled enough to say he won’t do that, I can’t see him compromising on this at all).

Not correct, sorry. When the last payment is due of it runs its course, there will be £900 on the mortgage and the last payment will still be £900.

How much is outstanding depends on how much has already been paid down.