DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

I totally agree with this post!
I'd be really upset that he'd made this unilateral decision without thinking about Op and her needs at all. It's very selfish behaviour.
What happens if she gets ill and can't work for a while? Or the cost of living rises a lot, or some other unexpected bill arise, of which there are many possibilities.
Id be damned if I'd end up paying more than my existing share and have to have less 'luxuries' to show for it, especially if I was in a stressful job myself.
He'll never get round to getting another job... In any case, it's notoriously difficult to get new employment in your 50's, even more so in the current climate.
I also think it could be the downfall of the marriage. Or at least put it at great risk!
Why hasn't he thought of looking at how you could both gain from this, and both reduce your working hours somewhat and both continue contributing financially?
This would be my starting point in OP's shoes.

He sounds like a wannabe cocklodger OP. A stay at home parent who doesn't do the school runs because they don't like it?! Nobody in the history of the universe has ever enjoyed the morning hassle of getting DC up and doing the school run have they?

At 55 and wanting "to be a househusband" (without any of the usual stay at home parent duties!) and wanting "at least a year" off, I'd say this is him admitting he's never going to work again.

I'd be less than impressed, too, OP. If it's going to make you resentful then say no.

He can get a job elsewhere doing something completely different and possibly less hours (if he worked long hours before), but he needs to earn and contribute. His hobbies may be cheap but you'll be giving up those little luxuries you mentioned so that he can spend all day every day indulging them. What happens when you want to go on holiday? Oh yes, you're paying for everyone. And when it's time to buy Christmas and birthday presents? Ah, all you, again. That new boiler or roof? Yep, you guessed it, it's your credit card it's going on. What about your life as a couple? I guess you're paying for that as well now then, otherwise you'll never go out.

Unless you're going to drip feed that your DC are 20, you've only just returned to work (which is doubtful if there's school runs and you've a solid career) and he's a high flyer who's kept you in the lap of luxury for several decades as a stay at home mum, in which case it's arguably your turn to be the provider now, then I'd say he's taking the piss.

Call his bluff, he needs a job somewhere 30hrs a week minimum wage and a proportionate contribution to the bills. He'll also have to pay some kind of lump sum off the mortgage to reduce the monthly cost of it now his income will be reduced. Worst case scenario he says he wants a divorce and then you'll know for sure he was a cocklodger. Otherwise he says "well, it was worth a try" and sucks up getting a job.

If he were mine I'd be prepared to divorce him over this. Women go through things too. Many struggling with early childhood years and menopause, as well as those with serious health issues, they don't get to just down tools because of that. If he takes a year out he'll never get another job again. I can see him becoming like an overgrown teenager rather than a husband and you feeling like he's just another dependant now. Then you'll get the ick and end up wanting a divorce anyway.

No, the op will carry on paying normal bills for the year her ds has downtime. He's just 'paid his half' in advance. Then they both work (him at a less stressful job) until they both retire on normal pensions.

I'd expect her dp to do laundry and cooking while he is off so the OP benefits by coming home to food on the table and fewer chores to do at the weekends.

A year off absolutely fine...daily lie ins while you carry on fitting childcare/drop offs/ life admin/household chores absolutely not

Why can’t he just contribute monthly from his pot? This will keep you both as equals going forward.

A lot depends on how much mortgage there is left to pay, any penalties and how much interest it might save you over the years.

He would be able to take over the school drop offs and pickups, saving money on before and after school clubs, so the tax free childcare wouldn’t matter. Same goes for school holiday childcare, that’s a lot of expense saved.

Of course once your kids are in high school they can get a lot more expensive in other ways. Has he any idea of what he’d like to do after taking a year off from working?

As long as he picks up the school runs, house chores and additional admin work then I think letting him have a year resit sounds reasonable - it sounds like he needs a break for his mental wellbeing, but I do understand your concern (although I think it's also unreasonably also being shaped by a bit of envy).

I don't think direct comparisons work since he is 7 years older than you - could you perhaps also have a career break in the future to balance it out and allow him his now?

I'm guessing it's going to be more than one years worth (by which time he has said he'll be back in work).

I think it's great he has this chance, and I'd also hope he'd use his new time and flexibility to pick up a bit more of the household slack / looking after your kids. He could still have a very nice restful year whilst having a bit more time to invest in his family and wife's wellbeing.

I might have missed this info, what's the balance of the mortgage that he will be paying off?

I’m confused, is your DH retiring or is he taking a break from work?

Tbf though, either way I feel like he’s worked hard. Just because you don’t WANT to do things doesn’t necessarily mean you should have to if it was pre agreed. How old are your children?

more info needed really.

but from what you’ve said so far, yabu, sorry

edited due to spelling mistake

The OP said he would be taking at least a year off, not retiring.

OP as long as you are not expected to pay any more than you currently pay towards expenses, then I think you could allow him a year. I do get it though, I would definitely feel miffed having to get up for work each day as he does nothing. It is only the cleaning the mortgage that would make this acceptable

Stressful job or not both you and him are too young to ‘retire’. If he’s stressed and burned out he should see his gp and take some time off then get back to work. He seems to have the options to just stop doing things but you don’t. Why people think 55 is retirement age now I don’t know. It’s actually another 12 years before state pension age.

Sometimes one person pays more . Sometimes the other in our house I dont tot it up and if I had to kerp my DH for a year I wouldnt care. For me a partnership is swings and roundabouts. Im notvtslking about someone seriously taking the piss snd leeching off the other person, but generally I dont think it matters.

He’s 7 years older than you - surely you knew he was going to retire first? I don’t see how this can have come as a shock?

Is he in the emergency services by any chance? I know a loooot of fire fighters who took early retirement, spent a year or so dicking about and then came back to the service in back of house or administrative roles. It's quite common.

What will your monthly bills be without the mortgage? Is it possible for you to reduce your hours a bit too? If not he needs to be picking up all the slack at home if you're going to be the breadwinner.

So at the moment it is 1k each? Is that right and his payout will enable him to pay off mortgage so bills are just your 1k

How much is your 50% of the mortgage he is paying off? If it means it saves you years of payments then I really don't see the issue especially as you have said his job was stressful and he's seen some unimaginable things which have now taken their toll on him.

Be excited for the next year.
Choose DH to be the main person for the children's interests.
The year will fly and in another year or two you will be back 50/50.

While you have both been working, you are paying 50/50. I’d be very clear that you are happy to continue this arrangement for the next year as the mortgage is paid but that eventually you’d like to go back to 50/50 bills and living costs because it’s not fair for one to keep working while the other does nothing. This means the pressure will be off him a bit as bills are lower but you are not being pressured as sole earner.

I think it's reasonable that you should feel a bit resentful that your DH will soon be in a position to give up work for at least a year, while you have to continue the same old routine in order to pay the bills.

However, it does sound like he's earned a rest, and the fact that the mortgage will be paid off, does offer you BOTH major security. The first thing I would want to work out, is whether the money that you currently contribute to the pot, would be sufficient to pay all the bills, food, running vehicles, etc.?

If not, then it would be better for your DH to find a part time job with little to no responsibility/stress, but something that would earn enough that he can at least top up your contribution so that paying all the bills, doesn't end up putting you under financial pressure. This would also free up some extra days when he can totally relax and indulge his hobby.

Can I ask what, if any, age difference there is between you, and when you will be in a position to retire OP?

Yeah I think that would be fair, especially if he's stressed/burned out and needs a sabbatical, although I'd ask him to pick up alot more domestic chores so you can have some downtime too!

How’s be going to fund the next 30 years with his ‘small pension’? That’s more worrying.

I read op post as they currently contribute £1000 pounds each, so £2000 in total, £900 of which is mortgage. Her DH will reduce this by paying off mortgage leaving Op to pick up all bills and food of £1100 per month.

Maybe fair in the short term but will he be able to get a job after a year to contribute?.

How old is he? Intending to get a job in a year sounds like someone in their 50s rather than 60+.