DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

He’s 7 years older than you - surely you knew he was going to retire first? I don’t see how this can have come as a shock?

He's retiring 12 years before State Pension Age. He's on a small pension and has school age DC who he might have to support through university.

I'd be cancelling the before and after school clubs and he can do some of the school runs before his day of leisure commences.

He's a relatively young man and no matter how stressful working in the frontline services might be, he shouldn't watch his wife work 40+ whilst he's off cycling or practising his origami.

The other thing OP is to seek financial advice on his plan because there may be implications down the line that you're both unaware of. After his year off, it doesn't sound like he would want to return to the job he had, even assuming he could. There's a risk he envisions a part time job that he'll enjoy which pays well but doesnt, in reality exist so he carries on pootling at home, getting bored because he can't go out and do stuff because funds are actually tight. Some serious thought needs to be given to what happens after the year of rest or can he just pick up a less stressful job and do that instead.

But he is not planning to retire, he stated he wants a year off.

He clearly can afford to take a year off.

i was referring to people making general statements such as « 55 is no age to retire ».
which is bizarre to me because I more feel it’s outrageous we live in a society where we have accepted being worked to the bone until pretty much our 70’s.

What wouldn't sit well with me is the fact your DH has stated his intention without the consensus you'd expect in a marriage.

it's a big deal this day and age to give up work (is it really a retirement?) for a year's worth of jolly, doing hobbies and probably a lot of the chores still falling on you. The fact he is choosing to pay off the mortgage seems to be part of his run for freedom, but at 55yo he has potentially a decade still of working life.

You say he will resume work after a year, but will he want to get back to the routine of getting up, doing a days work after being a free agent for a year. He will find it very difficult to get back on the career ladder, possibly in a different sector.

if you had said, DH wants to give up his stressful job, pay off the mortgage and spend the next 6-9 months reskilling in a new sector (possibly using some transferable skills and acquiring new skills eg IT /project management type career) then tha would be really impressing.

he just sounds rudderless, no plan for the future and expecting you to do the heavy lifting, potentially indefinitely. Has he seen the job market out there??

please express your concerns, you should be a family unit, he should be continuing to think like a family man, in all senses not leaving it to you.

I am not sure why a few people are implying 55 is no age to retire? Surely anyone should been entitled to retire at the age they can afford to retire if they so wish?

Fine if you can afford to. But he won’t be able to contribute to household finances after the mortgage is paid off, which leaves OP with all of the responsibility and nothing by way of a safety net. This being the case, he can’t afford to retire.

Agree with this. I assume they don’t have any savings to fall back on and if all of his lump sum will be used to pay off the mortgage there is no safety net. He will have no useful income and at 56, having been unemployed for a year, he will be at significant disadvantage in finding another job.

If he was single and supporting himself he couldn’t afford to retire or even take a sabbatical, so why does he think he can afford to do so now by shifting his financial responsibilities onto OP ? OP mentioned that he had always said he would be a house husband. For me that would be a huge red flag that he has no intention of finding another job at all.

They are a family with children. Your circumstances seem very different.

I am not sure why a few people are implying 55 is no age to retire? Surely anyone should been entitled to retire at the age they can afford to retire if they so wish?

I am in a similar though completely different situation to your DH, OP, as I am much younger than him (aka just entering my 30’s), but I am also semi-“retired” already (as in I only work 6 months of the year max, by choice) and in a relationship with someone younger (similar age gap to you).

For now the time off I have hasn’t been an issue as my partner still studies and we live in different cities so it’s actually been useful for me to have more time off + I currently pay for most things if not everything, but the reality is I can see the issue potentially arising as we will soon move in together and while my plan is to continue to drop working time (to be fully retired by the time I am 50) she is only getting started in her career and likely won’t have the same opportunity to only work a few months a year as we work different fields. So I can see how someone might begrudge having to work most days while the other doesn’t.

But personally I see it that way, when I do work, I work insane amount of hours, and ultimately I have worked very hard the last decade+ (started working at 17) to get to where I am at financially, and made many many sacrifices to get to live the life I live, and the way I do, including being mortgage free already (and owning a second property).

So while I could still work full time, I don’t want to because I don’t need to, and I do plan to stop working as early as I can afford to (not saying never working again, but only working when I want to, and IF I want to rather than because I must.)

Currently still working half of the year because I always want to make sure that I can afford everything for the both of us (if need be) + saving for having a child/ that early retirement I want.

I don’t plan on bailing out of finances or her having to pay for everything once I am “retired” but I do feel like I am giving her a massive leg up by her starting her career mortgage free, she will never have to pay rent while with me, (and anyway the goal is that everything that’s mine become hers also) & just that fact will save her thousand and thousands of euros over the years in rent (so even if we split she will still likely be able to live with a lot of savings she wouldn’t have otherwise). And while I don’t expect her (in my case) to pay for all the bills in exchange of being mortgage-free, I would still always expect bills and expenses to be split fairly if we live together so it would mean her working (be it part-time or full-time.)

So yes, in some ways it’s unfair that likely she will get to see me not go to work much while she does, on the other hand I do feel I have earned the right not to work full-time and that I am saving her years of financial worries and money in rent and she is technically benefiting from all the years I did work full-time by being financially set up in a way I absolutely wasn’t when I was her age, and in a way that puts us way ahead of most people financially in our age range.

So yes, I fully understand why going to work while your husband chills can be annoying, I also think he is technically providing you with a massive amount of financial safety and savings (in interest) by paying off the mortgage. And if you were happy paying 1000 a month it really shouldn’t matter how he affords his half (because by paying off the mortgage he is likely paying upfront years worth of monthly contributions.)

I would more look into whether or not you could both work part-time once the mortgage is paid off so he never have to go back to full-time work and you can also drop hours.

I would expect him to look after the kids and take on most of the house chores if he does stay home though. Him taking a year off from work doesn’t mean taking a year off of household responsibilities.

You do need to sit down together a write a timetable of how this year off for recovery develops into further work. He is too young to stop already. He should be doing a supporting role to you and the children if you have a 40 hour working week or he's going to have an exhausted wife and children who think he doesn't care for them.

Sometimes people misunderstand and sometimes people are rude.

I know which camp I would rather be in.

If he uses his lump sum to pay off the mortgage that leaves him with a small pension, which he will use for his hobbies. So OP is left footing the bill for literally everything else from her salary.

What about holidays ? What about food, unexpected bills, household repairs ? She will be responsible for the lot, with no end date - she works 40 hours a week to support them all while he swans about doing as he likes.

And what happens after a year if he decides he doesn’t want to go back to work ? What if he can’t find another job - at 56 he will have been out of work for a year, which is considered long term unemployment. He’ll be at significant disadvantage.

And what if OP loses her job ? I think he’s being incredibly selfish to consider retiring at 55 with no useful income and no savings to buffer them. By all means retire from the stress of the current job, but l think it’s massively unreasonable to do this without securing alternative employment first, and to expect OP to effectively support him with no guarantees or even a safety net. He’s not in a position to retire, or even take a sabbatical if the responsibility for their finances is being shifted wholly onto OP as a result. It’s cocklodger territory.

FML reading and comprehension skills are at an all time low here.
They each pay £1000 into the bills pot, of which £900 is for the mortgage alone.
He will clear the whole mortgage using his pension but then have just pin money left for hobbies. This leaves bills of £1100 so there's now a £100 shortfall on his monthly bill contribution.
This is not, according to OP, a big deal as there are non-essential spends they can drop to make up for it (although she is forgetting that her energy bills will increase with him being at home.)
OP carries on working FT paying her share as she always has done.
She also said she has a shit pension to look forward to so her doing the same in the future is not an option.
HTH

OP says they combine 1000 per month which I took to read as they only put in 1000 between them. OP has clarified this in a later post to be contributing 1000 each.

I assume he still expects to eat and have clean clothes?
Will he be willing to take on more of the domestic work?

One thing to consider is how he expects to pay his half of the bills when you retire. He can’t indefinitely stop paying bills. I’d be putting a timeline on it.

plus your marriage doesn’t sound like much of a partnership.

Surely the lump sum will be the 25% he's allowed. Poster had already said he'll also have a pension coming in.
He's paid off the mortgage. That's a big burden lifted.
Alternatively he just has a year off and pays £1000 a month out of his pension and lump sum. He could do this and be very selfish with the rest of this money but he's choosing to give his family the security of an owned home with no mortgage.
You are 7 years younger. He was always going to retire before you.

Have you been dividing the running of the household 50/50? It's great that you will be mortgage free ofc but it doesn't sound like the sort of job he'd have been able to do unless he had support at home or if not, had paid for FT live in nannies (in which case his income would have taken a huge hit and he'd likely not be where he is now financially.) So you need to also look at the household chores and tell him he needs to pick up more of those, school run included: your quality of life needs to change for the better too, not just his.

Not understanding this. OP says they contribute £1k each. His £1k will stop after the £900 mortgage payments stop, leaving OP responsible for all household expenses.

Seems madness to use all the lump sum at 55 - what happens for the next 30+ years?

Not sure why your miffed he isn't wasting the money he is paying your house off so you don't have to do it thus making it very fair for a while and you pay the bills. Your miffed because he won't be working while you will that's all lol

He can’t have his cake and eat it. If he’s having a sabbatical, then he becomes a stay-at-home-dad. If you’re working full time, he does the cleaning, cooking, childcare etc. , even if you continue to do the school runs.

55 is no age to retire, and if he’s using his pension pot up now, what’s he going to live off in retirement?

What job does he plan to do after ‘retirement’? It’s not easy to fetch job when you’re older, especially after a year off. It took my dh several months recently to change jobs. Would an option be to get a part-time job?

(and I’d be miffed as well to be working when he swans around when you have young children, and at a young age).

The biggest expense would be gone and only the half which are the bills is left.. I can't see the issue especially if only for a year or so.
He's worked hard to get this retirement which will pay off the mortgage and as you say seen some stuff... Cut him a break.
Or perhaps he should not pay it off and keep the money there to continue paying monthly so he appears to be contributing the same way you do...

Total non issue.

You are being unreasonable. If I were your husband faced with this discussion with you I would simply change my approach and instead of paying off the mortgage I would instead carry on contributing £1k per month.

I do wonder where the actual love is in situations like this.

If you say no then realistically what he will do is not pay off the mortgage and keep paying “his” 50%.

he then has a big lump sum which he can use how he wants.

honestly a year off given he is leaving a stressful job does not seem unreasonable.

in your shoes (depending on what kids you have and how old) I’d look to ask him to do some cooking or similar.

i understand how you feel about working and him not, but you might feel better if you frame it as a sabbatical?