DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

Lots of doom and gloom on this thread. DH took voluntary redundancy aged 49 and we agreed he would take the opportunity to have a year off and pursue what ever he wanted to while I worked full time. He would continue to contribute as before from the lump sum he recieved. It was an opportunity I was happy for him to take because you get one chance on this earth and I know he would be happy for me to do the same.
Not all men are lazy lumps that will vegetate for a year and Op must know what kind of person her DH is. Mine was very busy but he's that kind of person. He found another job- one he much prefers and less stressful than his previous one and went back to work. Saying that he found the job through work connections which is an important factor in your 50s I think, especially as its currently such a tough job market. From what you say OP your DH is respected in his field which could help him down the line?

From his point of view, surely this is the choice you make when you decide to keep finances seperate like this? As long as he meets his financial obligations (which by the way also ought to include a £100 top up to keep absolute parity) then what's the issue?

I would ask - does £1100 per month beyond the mortgage really cover every joint expense? Food, childcare, heating, cars, holidays? I do find that a bit hard to believe.

The problem is you're not much of a partnership. The "keeping finances seperate" is just the tip of the iceberg in you both seeing your own resources - money, time, skills - as your own to enjoy. That means he hasn't actually offered to step up into a SAHP type role which I think would actually be ideal with presumably tween children.

I think he needs a mindset shift to appreciate this needs to change with such a drastic lifestyle change for him. There are red flags all over this (who does enjoy the school run for goodness' sake?) I think this could work well but it needs significant thought beforehand and ongoing open communication or resentment will build very quickly.

100%. If it was a woman, she would be told it was self-care and to go for it.

I am slightly older than my DH and have every intention of retiring as close to 55 as possible, which coincides with our mortgage and major expenses being paid off. I am undecided about whether to continue part time consulting in my current industry or whether to completely stop. What I do know is that at 48, 55 seemed like 'no age'. With everything that has happened since, I want to be able to enjoy time out of formal work, travelling, cycling, running etc while I still can.

Did you miss the bit where he is paying off the mortgage up front instead of contributing £1000k monthly? I’m not sure that’s something a ‘cocklodger’ would do. Also, with regard to school drop offs the OP is talking about what currently happens, not what will happen once he’s finished work. This is what happens when a couple are so different in ages - one usually retires before the other.

You have to admit it's a bit weird if the OP has to rush around (and pay for) breakfast and after school club around her full time job while her healthy partner chills out.

Do many healthy stay at home mums have their partner drop off at breakfast club, work a full day then pick up from after school club while they chill at home from 7am - 5pm?

mortgage paid off, no more interest on the mortgage (work out how much this will save you long term) security for life. house husband (cleaning, cooking, laundry etc.) less stress for both of you.

you get to keep a job you enjoy. Although your pension is minimal, you will personally benefit from having a mortgage paid off and no longer paying interest.

he is less stressed, evaluate in 1 year. If he needs to go back to work due to financial restrictions, he gets a job.

If you are holding back for any reason talk to him about your worries.

I would worry about him coming out of work for a year with a ‘small pension’ in his mid 50s. There is a good chance it will render him unemployable, statistically he might never work again. With young kids who are going to become more expensive (university?) this is a risky manoeuvre. He also sounds as though he’s not going to be of much use as a house husband. Will he not consider retirement from his stressful job but moving into other lower stress paid employment? Even part time?

OK, so DH is 8 years older than OP. In which case, the fairest thing would be for OP to continue working to 55 then take early retirement. The issue about finances is separate.
From a financial aspect, it’s important to know just how much DH has paid off on the mortgage and how much in interest they have saved by it being paid off. If it had 5 years to go that’s 5 x 12 x 900 so £54k plus interest saved which could be another £5k. Totalling £59K. That’s his 5 years worth of household expenses income covered. However, if the mortgage is £10k then it’s a year’s worth of household expenses.
Sadly, it sounds like the OP and DH have been keeping their finances seperate rather than combining them and DH wants to continue to do so whereas OP wants to combine them.

I work in a completely different but very stressful world. We are going through a transformation that is seeing a lot of people made redundant; many of them in mid 50s. Although people talk about taking 12 months plus out the reality is a lot of them pick up some form of paid or voluntary work a lot faster. I’d say the detox period before they get restless is more like 3 months than twelve. It may well be that your DH realises he doesn’t need twelve months.

Financially it all sounds like you can barely afford the current plan without exposing your future selves to risk. I’d be open minded about this plan but ask that you get a wealth planner/IFA to do a review of your joint finances to advise what’s achievable and what the future implications of this decision would be.

How much is the mortgage? How many months of your contribution is it Equal to?
I think if I were you I'd also be saying I will also have a year off the household chores and be making it clear if he isn't working then he has to contribute more at home.

That’s over ten years away.

Also, op says she’s also in a stressful job. On the basis that they’ve been married the same length of time, doesn’t she deserve a year off as well?

( and he may not have been working seven years longer if he did a degree, post grad etc, ).

This is really interesting as if things work out financially I"m planning on doing pretty much the same as your DH when I hit 55 (just scraped into being able to do it at 55 instead of 57), and DH is 7 years younger than me with very little pension provision as he's never prioritised it. We've discussed it vaguely and he's really pleased for me that I'll be able to take some time off after working full time in stressful roles for 35+ years (nothing like frontline services though!). I've supported him when he's been out of work and when he was making a go of being self employed that ultimately didnt wotk out, at times I've been the main breadwinner at times he has. Once I've had some R&R I fully intend to return to some kind of work and have plenty of transferable skills so I'm not too worried, amd from what others are saying it sounds like what he wants to do to is fairly normal for his profession?

Paying off the mortgage is a huge thing and will bring security for you both. People are saying 'what if" about you losing your job etc - talk to him about those concerns and work out a plan of what you would do if that happens. But dont be petty about him taking some time off, sounds like he's earned it. Perhaps keeping his lump sum. in the bank and continuing to pay his way out of that, then paying off the mortgage after his 12 months of not working might feel more secure?

She also said she has a shit pension to look forward to so her doing the same in the future is not an option.

OP has some time to put money into a pension now, and is presumably expecting to live partly off her husband's pension in future years.

Presumably he’ll get his State pension at 66

Have you seen a financial advisor about the plan to pay off mortgage?
It may not be the best thing to do with a lump sum.
For example, careful investments may go up more than the mortgage will, leaving a bigger pot after 10 years....

The alternative would presumably be that he doesn't pay off the mortgage and continues putting his contribution into the joint pot. How would that help you, OP?

He's been working 7 years longer than you. He's earned a break.

It’s nonsense to say he will never work again without knowing the individual. I know several people who have retired in their 50s from stressful careers, taken some time out, then retrained or found less stressful jobs. He hasn’t said he never wants to work again, he’s said he wants a year off.

He could take that year off and contribute £1k a month from his lump sum but he’s offering to do something which financially is better for them as a couple and as a family. I don’t see that he’s being unreasonable, I’d be happy for him that he’s retired from a stressful situation and can look forward to a different future.

OP, you’re younger than him. That’s why you’re still working. My DH is older than me and retired. I’m still working. That’s the deal. Your time will come.

I always made sure I had a good pension op. Why haven’t you? That would have definitely been a priority especially if I was marrying someone older.

Totally agree with this post. The job market is hard e ouch yet alone for a 55+ year old man that’s been out the job market on a whim.

You will become very resentful at him sitting about doing fuck all but indulging himself with his hobbies.

My dad retired before my mum.
And my mum continued to carry the housekeeping load while she worked 40 hours a week.
And she’d work all day and then get home and have to make dinner for them both.
And I don’t recall her ever complaining, because she was of that generation of women who thought they were supposed to do that.
Me, I complained for her - my parents looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.

@Luannaa just a little more detail would mean responses can be tailored to your situation. How much/many years would otherwise be left on the mortgage? Any consumer debt? Savings/pensions? Your/children’s ages? How is he around equitable sharing of household labour, including childcare? (I’m not sure you would have equal leisure time?) What transferable skills does he have? The job market isn’t great in some sectors. (My son graduated from a top university in July, but had to submit literally hundreds of applications before landing a role).

I also wanted to add that this was never going to be fair. There is a 7 year age gap and currently that accessing your pension at 55 age is changing to 57 and will be at least 58 by the time OP could access that sort of pension if they had one.

Maybe now is the time to look at paying into a private pension for yourself OP, talk about finances with your Dh for when he returns to work.

@PumpkinPieAlibi I completely agree with you.

@daisychain01 and many a woman has decided to work part time post maternity leave or take a few years off. Men are expected to carry on working full time missing out on spending time with their young children. Dh adjusted his hours so he could spend more time with our children.

You are guessing that he won't get another job and I am telling you that my sister's BIL works, he is late 50s, retired from emergency services at 55. He is the youngest child in his family, all of them or their husbands/wives are working part time hours as they are all in civil service jobs where they get to access their pension at 55 and draw down.

In fact it is pretty standard financial advice that if you are still paying a mortgage and can access your pension at 55, draw down, pay off the mortgage and then continue to pay back into the pension pot what you would have been paying for your mortgage.

I guarantee the remaining mortgage is not £12k. He has probably worked nearly 40 years. He is taking a year off. Conversations should have been had all the time especially when he floated the idea of being a househusband and OP shot him down, so now it is a year on sabbatical.

Agree!

unfortunately the way it’s worked is that your DH is in a good position to ‘retire’ early and with that largely contribute to the household

I don’t get your problem TBH? He was always going to retire long before you given the age difference - that can hardly be a surprise and 55 isn’t that unusual an age to retire from if he has a gold plated pension from the civil service ….you also say he has worked very very hard. Sounds like he deserves it. You get the security of being mortgage free - which he has paid off - sounds like you want your cake and eat it