DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

“You will be mortgage free at 48.
I think some people would consider that quite an achievement”
it’s usually an achievement because it means significant monthly outgoings are no longer needed to be paid. For the op nothing has changed- she’s still contributing the same £1k per month towards bills and now the entirety of the financial pressure of keeping the family afloat and everything paid for falls on her. In fact, life gets harder as they’re down £100 every month so can’t even enjoy a few little luxuries that they previously had.

“I assume you had at least one maternity leave whereby he supported you financially” As he should!! She was having HIS children, the maternity leave was a joint expense. This does not form part of the discussion in any way.

I don't understand this view point. Currently they each contribute £1k to the bills each month. We don't know how much of the mortgage is left to pay (vital information) but let's imagine it's £12k and he pays it off upfront. This is equivalent to his yearly contributions of £1k per month. You wouldn't have considered his 12 x monthly £1k contribution to be coming from their money rather than his, so why do you consider the lump sum to be theirs?

He needs to be stepping up at home wrt school runs etc. Why will you need any childcare if he's not working?

IF he agrees to that, I'd take his deal. Otherwise he's a cocklodger.

Need to see the actual numbers involved.

How would she be funding his lifestyle when she'd be paying the same amount she currently does and he's paid his contribution upfront?

Another thing to consider is downsizing now if you have enough equity to buy something smaller somewhere cheaper. This removes the mortgage without impacting his pension.

You need to sit down together and plan the next 10 years - i dont understand the idea of 'my' money- the money is pooled when you are married and financial decisions should be taken together. My DH is emergency services - he won't make 55 doing what he is doing now, so I've got my foot back in the door of my career now the kids are older so he can step back when he can't do it anymore. However his plan is to take a more laid back role within the sector. I'm sorry OP but I think the chances of him going back to work after a year are slim, and you will be left working till 67 to pay the bills. Understand he's older than you, but the resentment will set in if you feel the arrangement is unfair. Also if your kids are still on the young side you may need money for uni, or what happens if you get ill? I dont think its a good idea tbh.

I think this is fair. You might find OP that if you’re doing less of the household drudgery that working life is a bit less stressful. As PP said won’t you also save from not having to pay for after school and holiday clubs?

I do think he can’t give up work permanently though. He doesn’t have enough behind him to give up all paid employment. I’m a bit perplexed though why you haven’t got any savings if you’ve both been working full time with a relatively small mortgage to pay?

To get over your feelings of resentment try and remember he’s already worked seven years longer than you and provided he goes back to work in some capacity it doesn’t seem unreasonable to have a year’s sabbatical. He will have to pick up the slack at home though with at least doing the morning school runs and household tasks like the laundry and shopping/cooking meals.

He should start job hunting though at least a couple of months before the year is up. It takes a while to get a new job, particularly in the current job market which is appalling at the moment. The year should mean he actually starts work at the end of it, not starts job hunting which could take 2-6 months.

It might be helpful to separate out lifestyle and finances. Financially it might be fair, but it doesn't sound like it would be a balanced lifestyle. It also sounds like you need a better balance between his, yours and the families needs

Harsh.
The OP is not getting free house, she’ll be continuing to pay the bills.

I think, OP, you could weigh up the interest rates on the mortgage versus the interest rates on putting the lump sum in savings and paying the mortgage out of that.
Agree with pp that DP can do more with daily logistics, and that he will need to get another job at a later date. You are likely to be working for 15-20 years and you want to avoid resentment building up.
Also - start a private pension if your work one is rubbish.

There’s obviously some resentment here but I don’t understand why you haven’t been discussing and planning for this over the last few years? It sounds like his job was always something with a shelf life given what you’ve said about the toll it’s taken on him. In my marriage I think we’d have discussed a options, my DH would absolutely step up at home if he had a year off so I wouldn’t see it as swanning around but I think retraining to do something different is what he’d want to do and then we’d both spend the next few years investing more into my retirement so we could retire by 60 say and enjoy our lives.

I wouldn’t underestimate how hard it will be to get another role after a year off, unless he could remain in his sector but in a different position with far less stress and responsibilities.

If he's said he's planning on having daily lie ins and you have young kids who need help getting ready and taking to school, then that would be a red flag to me. Nothing wrong with him taking a few months or a year off if he's planning on taking on more of the house/kid chores, but to act like he's got no responsibilities is unfair on you. I would be wary that he won't look for another job if he's previously made comments about being a house husband.

It seems odd to me that he doesn't feel that he needs to discuss this with you and he's just told you what he's doing. You have a joint life, and both of you need to discuss what the future holds, financially. If he only has a small pension and you have a crap one, how are you going to afford life, going forward? How are you going to afford to support your children going through university?

I'm assuming after a year or so he'll be looking for another job - it seems he's burned out rather than retiring for good?

In the meantime, I'd be suggesting that if he's not contributing financially, he'll need to start contributing in other ways - cooking, cleaning, childcare etc, and make your life easier.

That would be my concern. If he has the sort of skillset where it can be reasonably assumed that the workplace will be waiting for him again, it's less of a risk. But when you have DC that late in life, unless you were a very high earner it means you have much less wiggle room when it comes to winding down. Depending on the exact age of the DC, he may still have to be providing when he reaches official state pension age and/or when no longer well enough to work. He needs to be able to explain how taking this year off now won't interfere with that, it isn't just about funding the next 12 months.

I think everyone needs to have these conversations with their partners - it’s something that comes up often on Mumsnet. It’s v unlikely that people will retire at the same time.

I think you need to sit together and talk about your plan for your finances from now onwards

e.g do you both qualify for full state pension? Which year will you both get it? When do you want to retire? What will your bills be like when you’re both not working (e.g you may have lower commuting costs but may want to go on more holidays)

I wouldn’t begrudge him his time off, since hes older hes worked more years than you. I would however expect him to do EVERYTHING around the house as he has the time. When I had a period of garden leave, despite being the main earner and paying all the bills, I also did all household stuff because I wasn’t working.

he also needs to find a way to bridge the £100 gap as it’s not fair that you don’t have any little luxuries any more.

I think it's perhaps less about the money and more about the fact that you have to continue working full time whilst he doesn't. I think if he's going to be at home he should take on the majority of shopping, cooking, cleaning etc. If you enjoy the school runs etc then carry on, but not if you feel resentful. Meanwhile, whilst you're at work, he sorts the house and the food etc, all the life admin that you can't do whilst you're out working. You're right in some ways, obviously there's a discrepancy between him being off work and you working, and the money aspect doesn't really mitigate the day to day stress you'll experience. But the key is is to really drill down into what you feel and work out how to go forwards without resentment.

I think you'll find that in the majority of those it is a mutual agreement and very often because the male wants the household managed for him and values that role. The woman is still working, she just isn't earning.

And the key word is mutual (see a great example in the post above mine).

I’m 8 years younger than DH, he retired at 58 and used his lump sum to pay the Mortgage off. It was so nice to be mortgage free at 50.

I still pay my £1000 a month into the joint account, this covers all the bills. He looks after the house & garden .. does all the kitchen stuff, washing, shopping etc. He also looks after the money, making sure we have money in savings.

My lump sum will be going on a round the world cruise .. when time comes to retire.

DH hated his job, and I quite like mine, so the arrangement works well. He also spends a lot of time on his hobbies, which again is fine.

With the mortgage paid off then both of your monthly contributions should be less. You are essentially funding his lifestyle for the next year or so. He should be able to retire early if he can still afford to live in your home and contribute financially towards it. Don’t really understand why others aren’t seeing this!

Need figures really, I retired before DH at 55, he is 2 years younger, the mortgage was already paid off. I still paid for all the food, my own car and had enough for gifts, haircuts and other sundry items out of my pension though. I also picked up more of what had been very much a shared home workload stuff, we had just a child in sixth form by then. DH said it made his last few working years so much easier. The trade off of more domestic stuff was fine by me.

Is the fear financial or more that he may just loaf about ? The finances need to be looked at very carefully. We could easily afford for me to retire early with no drop in lifestyle choices. You need to look at your yearly expenditure as a whole with a margin for inflation and only then can you jointly make decisions like this. If it’s envy then that’s something only you two can deal with. We have a future financial projection worked out with various models based with inflation factored in till we are 90. The thing that would mess it up would be a financial event like The Great Depression or a War and then almost everyone is in the same boat.

I genuinely can’t see how you have come to this conclusion with the briefest of current financial set up information the OP has given.

@Luannaa
What is concerning you? Are you doubtful that your husband will return to work in 12 months time?

I think you both need to sit down and do some financial planning before making any big decisions. If your DH is close to burning out then taking some time out (which he can fund) seems like an excellent idea.

However, he does need to look into the financial impact on drawing his private pension at 55 years and whether they are longer term implications. Is he in a defined contribution scheme? Should something happen to him is there provision for you?

Also, what happens if he cannot get back into paid employment in a year’s time? How does this impact household finances?

Why is your own pension so low? Do you have spare funds to address this? With the 7 year age gap have you discussed your options for retirement and time together?

I would use this opportunity to strip out any emotion and have an open and honest conversation about your finances and future planning.

I'm a similar age to him and finding work harder so I get his need for a break. Given your difference in age he was always going to retire before you. BUT he needs to take on the school runs and house jobs so you get some benefit from this too. Weekends can then be free of chores so you can enjoy time together. Also why would you use after school clubs if he's at home? You can save some money there.

My husband earns significantly more than me, and he has all the perks that go with the years he spent working hard in his job, such as decent pension etc. But while he was building his career I did all of the childcare, cooking, cleaning, housework, the mental load etc so he has been able to focus entirely on his career. I've always worked but I've taken part time jobs to fit around the family. I've built my own career since our children grew up, but he's still quite a way ahead of me in terms of salary and pension. If he wanted to take a year out, I would absolutely support that, but he would have to pick up the slack at home. If he wanted to retire on his nice little nest egg (built whilst I cared for our children and home) I'd think he was a selfish arse.

But he's paid off the mortgage out of their future retirement income. Meaning half that mortgage payout came from her anyway!