DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

Are you afraid that he won’t want to go back to work after a year? Or, is it him having more free time opportunities than you? Financially not much would change so your resentment sounds more like jealousy more than anything else. Before you have the conversation you need to work out where your resentment stems from, if it’s jealousy, then that’s more of a you problem. This doesn’t have to be negative.

This isn’t about money though is it?

Why is his annual / monthly pension small? Did he commute it to get a bigger lump sum? Is retiring a recent decision or has this always been the plan??

Is he saving commuting or other costs that you gave move to an additional pension for yourself??

In theory you should always work as a team so that each of has sufficient spends & freeze time etc.

It’s just odd you haven’t discussed it. My take would be he needs to top up the pot to the tune of £100 a month from his pension during his sabbatical and be making a plan for the next stage - possibly retraining ? That way your household budget isn’t strained and you can probably make significant savings on childcare. What do your financial plans look like after his year off ? If you run your household on equal financial contributions then longer term he needs to continue to do that at least until your children are grown up - so he needs to be able to contribute half of the shared costs from a combination of his pension and less demanding or part time work. If you worked out your mortgage free costs were £1.5k a month (to allow for increased costs) then you can contribute £750 and start putting more into your pension. Just think about how life looks in 5 years when you are 53 and he is 60, in 10 years when you are 58 and he is 65 (are the children off your hands? Can you access your personal pension now?) in 12 years his state pension kicks in and you are 60 - can you both retire on his state pension and both private pensions?
Will you get a lump sum on retirement and how will that be spent to mutually benefit you?
You have a double whammy of the age difference and his early retirement but neither can have been a surprise.

You can retire any age you want to.

But without him she wouldn't be able to pay the mortgage. They both need the other to contribute in order to pay the total household bills. OP needs to provide more information about the sum he's proposing to pay and how long he's proposing not to pay his £1k monthly contribution, but if he's paying £12k upfront and then not paying £1k for the next 12 months, I don't see anything wrong with that.

I think he's made rather a meal of his "important" job.
All jobs are difficult and exhausting in their own way, and that certainly includes raising kids (I assume they're his!)
I bet he worked in public sector- the culture there is mawkish and self-important; it was only when I met my partner (private sector job) that I realised I had it easier in the public sector.
Don't let him play that card.

What ????

PPs have said 'he needs to help more...'

No.

If you're going to be working 40+ hours and he'll be working 0 hours, then he needs to pick up 100% of the household chores and management:

• everything to do with the kids inc. all schools runs, doc appts, clubs, play dates, new clothes, school/nursery admin, etc
• all cleaning
• all cooking, meal planning and cleaning up (inc all packed lunches)
• all laundry
• all shopping
• all gardening
• all house maintenance
• to choose, find, buy and wrap all birthday and christmas gifts / cards
• planning and organising all family days out and events
• deal with all bills and household / life admin - eg insurance renewals, booking MOTs for all vehicles, all admin for holidays, etc

And he needs to do it all without needing reminding - he needs to bear 100% of the mental load. You shouldn't have to point out things he's missed or not done - he needs to be looking around and seeing what needs doing.

I'd be making this perfectly clear - make a list of absolutely everything and make sure he knows exactly what's expected of him. You could sit together and draw up his cleaning schedule, list important dates, etc.

If he thinks he's going to spend his time relaxing and enjoying himself while you carry on as normal doing all the work, then he needs his bubble bursting with a dose of reality.

OP, if he isn't working, you should be able to get home and everything is done, and all you need to do is put your feet up or do fun things with your kids. On your days off you should be able to have a lie in with no interruptions. You should have more free time as your DH will be doing everything for the home and family that you currently do.

EDIT: I'd also go through your budget together - what will the impact of his choice be? You both need to be clear about that. Also - he's into his hobbies (eg. cycling). If he has no money to contribute to bills etc, how is he going to buy new tyres for his bike or upgrade parts?

It's unreasonable that you shoukd carry on working 40+ hours per week whilst he retires unless you are 100% happy with this, which clearly you are not.
In your position I would be suggesting he gets a part time job and you do the same ... semi retirement together.
I was going to retire and hubby carry on working but we decided it wouldn't work practically, so we both retired. Best decision ever.

OP it sounds as if you’re just jealous that he’s going to have a nicer life than you for a year, and you’re dressing it up as a financial issue. Would you be happier if he didn’t pay off the mortgage, and simply used his lump sum to put £1000 per month into the joint account as usual?

Well, if he retired at 67, he'd be drawing his state pension and would have money to contribute to the family pot.

Moreover they wouldn't have school age children any longer, and so would be in a position to downsize if they wanted to.

So it would be a totally different conversation.

This is what happens when you don’t properly share finances. It’s easier to plan when you will BOTH retire if it’s family money, including the lump sum and pension savings. If neither of you have much retirement savings then to be honest, neither of you can afford to retire right now.

This idea that he only needs to pay half and that the lump sum is his, is what has led to this thought process that he can settle up in advance. What’s the plan going forward when you want to retire and how are you both going to eat? Can’t be doing with this 50/50 nonsense, life is never so simple in the long run.

You need to look at it all all his bills being paid up front. If he puts £40k into the mortgage… well that’s 40 months of bills. So long as his pension means he’s not then taking from you. Sometimes one pays more than another, family dynamics are more than a sum of parts. You might be jealous he’s getting to lie in, but it’s no different to what you’d be doing if he wasn’t retiring and paying off the mortgage. How can his decision make your life easier too? Will he take something on? Like will he do all the cleaning or cooking? You need to find a way as a couple to feel that you are both benefitting.

I agree - it's reckless. To pay of the mortgage and start your pension at 55 is taking a massive cut in your pension income long term, There's no going back on that. It does feel like you need to speak to a financial advisor (if you can find one you trust) because this decision will have a life long impact for you both - not just for a year.

The majority of the ppl here love to knock someone , its usually ppl who dont have any better in their own lives and love for others to be down too. women can do no right on these threads. If she complains then shes selfish, if she doesn't say anything shes a doormat. The reality is not many would be happy with this scenario but if others cant do anything better why should op.

She can retire at the same age as him. What's unfair about that?

The other thing that concerns me here is his very small pension, what's your pension like? Do you have or will you have enough saved for a comfortable retirement? When will you consider retirement? Will you have to work till you are 68 and he's 75?
It feels like you have really considered your financial future in any great detail and that is a worry.

Can you check your crystal 🔮 for this week's lotto numbers as well please 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m honestly shocked the poll says YABU. How many of those women would be happy for their husband to retire ten years before his state pension, leaving them to work full‑time, pay all the bills, and keep the household going while he enjoys his free time? He’s essentially saying he wants to stop contributing financially and practically to family life, despite having young children. It’s ridiculous.

He's seven years older than you, surely you've always expected that you would carry on working for many years after he retired?

Totally human to have small resentment when you have to set off for work and partner is relaxing at home...really normal and prepare to adjust to that.

Its a sensible use of the lump sum and the time off really reasonable too.

Not sure why DH doesn't still owe the remaining £100 a month from his pension and will need to pay extra expenses like gifting or holidays that needed extra funds.

Stepping up on household chores and childcare is a given too. A relaxed year but not an absent one. Look forward to meals ready, laundry done and a smiley happy husband?

I think the issue comes down to the age gap. My husband's friends dad retired at 55 as a former police officer (think he was higher up, not sure what, and that was the norm at the time to be able to retire at that age). The difference was his son was an adult whereas it because you are younger than your DH and possibly had children at an older age (which is more the norm now) you still have young children.
It's natural to feel some jealousy but sounds like he was quite fortunate to have the chance to retire early and maybe this will give him the chance to actually do more with the children (you mention you like doing things like the school run whereas he doesn't, but maybe once he gets into it he will find it ok an will just need to get on with it).

The dad of my husband's friend did actually go back to work and set up his own business with his wife for a few years before retiring properly in his early 60's so your husband may be telling the truth in that he will just take a year off before finding something else.

I think I would talk to him about how he will contribute to paying once the year is up - as this is when the mortgage would have gone if he had continued working and surely then you would have split the rest of the bills between you, so where exactly is he going to find £600 per month for his half? If he pension covers this, then great he can continue staying at home, if not then back to work he goes.

Will he be able to get another job in a year's time?

And as bills are going up, would you both have had to increase your household contributions?

What extra spending money did you both have? Where will his come from?

I think it sounds risky. Risky that your finances are tight and there's little slack if something happens to you or your job, risky that he struggles to find alternative work, risky tgat your combined pensions aren't enough for old age, risky that you struggle with increasing costs, and risky that he doesn't uphold his end of the bargain.

I think you should sit down with him and discuss alternatives. It isn't an outright no to his proposal but are there better ways or ways to mitigate the risks.

What's the impact on his pension if he works another year? What if he reduces his hours now and works longer? What if he switches role with the same employer? What if he takes a new less pressured job now? Could he take a sabbatical rather than retiring? What happens when you retire, how do his plans impact you? Is your combined pension going to keep you both in old age or does he need to improve his pension for later life?

What if you agree his plan on condition that he has some work lined up for the future?

Does he accept what being a house husband will look like? Is that attractive to you both or does he actually need to consider a different vision for his year?

What are his work prospects? Does he need to retrain or is he employable? Will he be looking at low paid unskilled work, will he be happy with this?

It is difficult to get into a new job after being out of work for a year so I think it is important to have a plan and preferably something lined up straightaway before his contacts and skills become outdated.

He needs to ensure he's had proper advice on his pension and understands the implications of drawing it now.

I think this is a good point. I am also assuming that he is expecting the op to feed him, pay for all unexpected bills (car and house repairs etc) for at least a year and maybe beyond. It sounds like a. He can't really afford to retire and is expecting op to subsidise him and b. He may be hoping that he never has to properly work again. Op, have you worked out when you can retire yet??