DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

Thank you for your well thought out, reasoned, logical contribution. So helpful!!

Have you planned your retirement independently?

If you have planned jointly, seek financial advice before pulling out the 25,%. It .ight be better to use other investments to fund this? Also, could you get a new mortgage on your income alone?

If DH didn't pay off the mortgage, could you cover all the bills?

If you are thinking about retiring together then you need to talk about this stuff. DH wanting to leave his job is a different decision to him getting his pension to kick in 12 years early.

So, instead of you both paying £450 mortgage + £550 bills every month he's paying off the mortgage so using £900 of his £1k and you are then putting your £1k towards the bills. So effectively it works out the same so log as you only do that for as many months as is left on the mortgage term.

Though if he will be paying nothing in then you reduce your amount to £900, that's a £200 difference every month, not £100. He should still be paying £50 and you £950 for it to be £100 reduction shared between you.

He was always going to retire before you. So he moved it forward. Most work till paid off mortgage as thats the main goal. He has done that.
Personally if my dh job was very stressful and he had got to 55 and obviously needed a break I would fully encourage it. I would want him to relax . Improve his mental health and enjoy himself.
Obviously so long as doing more at home/kids.

I just chatted this through with my husband.
We both think it's bonkers and he has shown himself not to be invested in the betterment of your family.
He sees him paying the mortgage off as him contributing in advance.
Where as surely paying the mortgage off should be an investment in your family's security, creating opportunities to invest in your future, university for the kids, pension for you.
I couldn't be in a relationship that was so transactional.
If you divorced you could potentially have half the house and half his pension and he would need contribute to the children's maintenance.
He is trying to have his cake and eating it.

The only way forward for me would be him paying off the mortgage and then either continuing the £1000 a month contribution each and saving, investing for the future jointly as a family.
Or pay off the mortgage and half the £1100 of bills between you allowing you to save invest or boost your pension.

This is ridiculous. My daughter works full time and her DH is at home because it suits their family and finances. It doesn’t mean that she does absolutely nothing at home.

Usually Mumsnet is full of people insisting that a man working full time has to do his share of childcare and chores as soon as he gets home. The double standard here is unbelievable.

In this instance the husband has paid his share just up front rather than monthly.

He's probably doing this by taking an early lump sum and having an earlier, smaller pension. This will impact the household income level long term. So overall, he's choosing to make the household income smaller, and he's reducing the 'share' he puts in.

But stay at home mums are always told that their husbands ought to be helping with housework and childcare

I did say... OP should be able to come home and spend fun times with her kids. Is spending time with your kids, taking them out, having fun with them "helping with childcare" or not? Because spending time with your kids sounds like "childcare" to me.

What the OP hasn't said outright is where the DH will get the lump sum from to pay the remaining mortgage off. Ie If it's from his early retirement pension 25% tax free payment. Or some other savings he has.

if he is able to pay off the mortgage with the 25% because he is starting to draw his occupational pension, then he will also get a pension monthly payment, so surely some of that could be used in addition to the OPs contribution to pay monthly bills. The house is the roof over their children's heads while they are still in education, so the DH must surely recognise that paying off the mortgage isn't solely a benefit to the OP but to their shared children. But we don't know what the DHs attitude is to shared finances because the OP hasn't said in any specific way.

In short the OP hasn't given enough information to be able to advise usefully. Opinions are just that, not based on facts.

And how many years left in the mortgage / how many years is his lump sum effectively paying his share of and more ?

Totally agree with this. I think it's more or less impossible to truly function as a team with a sense of shared responsibilities and goals, when you are essentially two individuals paying your own way.

My husband retired at 49 and I carried on working full time until 57 as my pension not as good as his. The agreement was he would do all the cooking and cleaning. Although he did do a lot more we ended up getting a cleaner as he wasn’t cleaning it enough for me.
With regards to money he still contributed fairly towards the bills though we didn’t pay the mortgage off with his lump sum. However it was classed more as “our” money not just “his”
Sounds like he deserves a year to pursue his hobbies etc as long as he pulls his weight at home.

Because I know what the culture is like in the public sector.
I worked in the NHS, including A and E. Honestly the calibre of staff is generally lower than in the private sector.
Because the bar is set lower, mediocre people tend to think they're amazing. The public is encouraged to worship public sector workers which obviously compounds this.
I admit, I enjoyed it when people outside my sphere said how brave and heroic I was- I'm only human! But I don't think it's healthy.
You're right, though, raising kids doesn't compare- it's much harder!!! Plus, raising kids these days means also working.
I just don't have much respect for a man who bleats about his job and is above/incapable of doing the domestic stuff at home- admittedly that may not be the case for OP's husband, I sincerely hope he pulls his weight.

This seems to need a lot more thought

his plan to take pension early needs really careful thinking - is that necessary because it will cost you both big in the longer term

I have often supported the family when DH has had spells of unemployment , and he did retire ahead of me for various reasons but this was a mutual choice

you should be prepared to support him however as you admit his job has taken its toll so he needs to leave and have at least some break

… but taking pension early almost suggests giving up all together and really you need a plan for both your retirement at some point

so a spreadsheet with years marked out till you are say mid 80s identifying what income you might have

expenses based on current level of spend and add for inflation

and work out what is practical and sensible

it’s rather odd that you have his money and your money

it’s rather odd that he could take the lump
sum and use it to give his share each month and you would be happy , but spending it upfront to reduce costs is making you want more of “his” money ( his and hers in a marriage is off)

the main thing is that if his pension is so small that it can’t cover anything towards bills it’s going to be too small when you retire

yes at some point you will get state pension - and that might be when you need more help in the house , perhaps unable to drive anymore. Or you may get ill and need to retire next year … what would happen then ?

if he plans to go back to work , leave the pension alone - it will still be there to pay off the house in a decades time and manage on one income - even with a mortgage holiday if needed - that would provide get to work motivation

also if he doesn’t do paid work you should find your workload decreases as he should be doing all household stuff

In my marriage we have both had 'time out of work' for various reasons and it was planned and arranged with mutual support

Your husband is contributing isn't he? he has paid in over the years, he has had a hard job, he needs a break

I would be concerend you aren't a partnership if you feel bitter at him having a sabbatical like this/ unless there is more going on?

That’s how I read it.

I suppose if he’s paying off the remaining mortgage which equates to a year of payments ie £11k then yeah I think it’s fair @Luannaa

but I would be wary that after a year he needs to be going back to half the outgoings ie £550 a mth and after 12mths off - well he may be enjoying the good life.

also - where are you saving for the future? A retirement lifestyle for you both? A rainy day? The emergency fund? Will he still be contributing to that over the next 12 mths

and I would definitely be expecting him to be doing the majority of household chores

Surely his works pension will be reduced a lot by taking it at 55? Might it be a better option for him to do flexible retirement if offered? He could still access his lump sum but might have the option to drop a couple of grades so less responsibility or drop to 3 days a week. If I were him, I’d try to hang on to 60 (even if it means going off sick with stress every now and again).

Are there definitely opportunities for a 56 yo in you location. The job market is dire and I’d be concerned about the possibility of him not finding work in a year’s time.

Think of the interest you will save from paying early. Your outgoings aren't going to change ie 1k per month, but he's paid his in advance and saved you money overall by doing so.

Only conern would be emergencies. Do you have savings to cover things breaking eg car, boiler, house

There should be expectations around him increasing his share of household tasks if he isn't working, but really an hour of cleaning when everyone is at school and work is the max he will need to do, plus night meals. Washing - put it on before leaving for hobby or when everyone is up in the morning, take it out when he's back from hobby or school run.

Are you suggesting that one person should provide 100% of the household income AND do 30% of the household work by taking over at home at weekends, while the other person provides 0% of the household income while doing 70% of household work? Because that would seem unfair.

If you're a stay at home parent and the kids are at school or nursery (like OP), then you should be doing all the household work during the week.

If he didn't pay off the mortgage in advance, when would it have been finished? Because that's how much time he is buying himself before the remaining expenses need to be split.

You can't be jealous that he is retiring earlier when he is 7 years older - that was inevitable, however he should be working on the basis that he can't expect you to work past 55 to top up his retirement income.

I think it's easy to underestimate the toll some jobs have on people and I think he needs to have a break and that is OK
.this is the key point

Not aimed at you, OP but I'm really quite shocked so few posters don't seem this as a joint financial big picture!

Also I see this very differently to most on here...The way to benefit from a financial windfall might be to pay off a mortgage but it's only a financial advantage if you then save your usual income. What he is actually doing is funding a year off. For arguments sake if he earns £2K after tax, a year off is a cost to him/you of £24K. That erodes the lump sum pretty quickly. I also see what someone 'can afford to do' very differently. If someone gave me £50K I could technically afford to leave work for a year...that doesn't mean I can actually afford to though because the financially sensible thing to do is to look longer term, especially with young children to provide for.

OP I'm on the fence. I think it's easy to underestimate the toll some jobs have on people and I think he needs to have a break and that is OK. The length of that break needs to be reviewed though and cant go on indefinitely, and he needs to do all school runs etc (although I note it's actually you assuming he won't...I actually think your resentment is causing you to spiral a little bit in this regard). All childcare spend should also stop. I think you're going to have to speak to him, but I would avoid going in all guns blazing.

Im older than him and my NPA is 67, his will likely be 68.

He could potentially stick his lump sum in the bank and drip it into the household at £1000 a month and still stay off work so it would make no difference to the work situation.

Let him have his year off, you might want the same when you are his age. He can do childcare and school runs if he like it or not and there is less stress on you.

Ahhh, op didn't say did she?

But if that is the case, then it is almost certainly a bad idea to drawdown his 25% tax free and use it to pay off the mortgage.
It robs them of flexibility, and to me it feels like he is "stealing from his future".