DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

I imaging they could be savings significant amounts on not paying mortgage interest too depending how big the mortgage was?

I agree.

It would help if we knew how much is left of the mortgage.
There’s a massive difference if it’s £5k or £100k.

I think some posters are a bit confused.

They both pay in £1k a month = £2k
From this £2k, £900 is the mortgage.

Instead of paying it monthly, DH will pay the mortgage off and so he will essentially still be paying his share (minus £100 a month).

OP is not having to pay more and he will only be contributing £100 less a month but the mortgage will be fully paid off.

He’s still contributing but it will be a lump sum instead of monthly payments.

When you say "things he's seen", that makes me think police/ambulance/fire service, something like that. I'm guessing he gets a lump sum on retirement and is using that for the mortgage. If I'm right, he's earned that lump sum and is doing his duty by his family rather than using it to e.g. buy a Harley-Davidson. If he's a decent bloke, he'll pick up more work at home. Don't resent him. He's earned his retirement.

I can see your point of feeling unfairness at him having lie ins etc while you are working full time. But he is 55 and you are 48. He wasn't able to retire at 48 so why should you? You said yourself that he has had an incredibly stressful job and you feel it is right that he retires so I think you should hold onto this thought.

fwiw My DH is 8 years older than me and he retired at 60. I kept working to support us both until I was 55 and retired with my pension and DH then took his pension at the same time.

I could not complain for him to retire at 60 as we paid off the mortgage at that point too so I thought he had done his bit and at 60 I felt he should be able to retire.

Taking a full maternity leave IS NOT the same thing as DH choosing to take a year off at this stage of life to chill and do hobbies.

As someone with a DH in their 50s, who has found themselves looking for a new job twice in the last year (one due to redundancy, one due to a bad fit), I would suggest he has 6 months of no work to enjoy some down time, but then starts seriously thinking about what’s next. Maybe a career coach would be worth considering? It’s much harder finding work in your 50s. Even if he ends up with something lower paid/part time, it will ease the financial pressure on you and (probably) be better for his mental health long term. In the meantime, I would be very clear that he needs to step up at home and take responsibility for school runs and other tasks he doesn’t enjoy. He’ll be running back to work soon enough!

Maybe he could take a very part-time/voluntary role in addition to his hobbies etc so he can keep some semblance of work ticking over. It may make it easier to get back into work. I agree that the concern is that he may never get back to work. But if as another poster suggested, he is in emergency services and it’s common for them to come back to an admin role after a year off, then I think this would be fine.

YABVU and it purely boils down to jealousy.

Him not contributing is irrelevant as you’ll be paying the exact same as you have been.

If it makes you feel better, you could ask that he doesn’t pay off the mortgage in a lump sum and instead just carries on paying the £1k a month so you don’t feel so hard done by - but that would be stupid if you both.
It would be much better for him to do it in a lump sum.

He will still have paid his monthly £1k, he’s just paying it in 1 lump sum rather than spread out like you are - you’re being very unfair about this.

Taking the DCs to school etc - you can still do this but he wants to do some things too. You sound like you’ve done it plenty and so it’s unfair that you hog this.
They’re his kids too and he wants to do more with them - how is that a bad thing.

I am assuming you never went PT or took the full maternity leave when the DCs were born and so I understand why you feel a bit hard done by but there is nothing unfair about this situation and it’s just your jealousy that you need to control.

It’s just retirement and some people get to retire early it’s just facts.

FWIW I’d love to come home to a clean house and my dinner on the table for me.

Not give it to her directly, but pay a lump sum off the mortgage, instead of paying his monthly £1k. We don't know the actual figures involved.

Op, the one thing you need to do is start putting more into your pension. You are 48 and need to seriously start planning for your retirement ... you need to do this together, he must start contributing again in a year. Perhaps so you can both be retired by the time hubby's state pension kicks in.

I'd let him have a break but he still needs to contribute something towards the pot. I am similar to your dh, I worked 35 years in Nursing which burnt me out physically and mentally witnessing horrible things on a daily basis.. Around seven years ago I switched to a less stressful but significantly lower paid career ( with dh's blessing) but even this job now can be pretty horrible at times dealing with poverty and just people's problems all the time. My contract is coming to an end and I will be taking a good few months off to reset mentally. If I'm not able to get another job after the break then so be it. I will be taking a small NHS pension in a couple of years time. I will still be paying towards bills though as I wouldn't see it fair on my dh to carry all the load of the bills especially as he is unwell and wanting to retire too. We will just have to make the lower household income work by pooling what we have coming in and budgeting.

This.

You’re married; it isn’t his money. It’s coming from a shared pot which should benefit everyone.

@StepUpSlowly what is your job?

Oh god,I've got a retiree and am still working - love my.jib and age gap. You will resent the bills less than someone sulking about at home doing nothing. Its very very dull. I'm 90% of the way to leaving because of it. He's become very dull indeed.

I agree. It’s like a couple where the man earns £300k and the woman earns £50k, and the man saying that he’s going to retire at 50 because he’s “paid his share”, but that the woman must continue working to 68, as she hasn’t contributed enough to the pot.

This is hilarious!

How I have got double standards because some other people have said different things to me?

You do realise that this is just a forum where different people can express their different opinions? It's not a place where a small group can state their opinions and everyone else agrees and the stated opinion becomes 'forum law'?

I have my opinion. Other people have their opinion. Just because those opinions are not the same does not mean I or they have 'double standards'.

Just stop doing it. Tell him you are not being taken advantage of any more!

How much is he paying off? So if he pays £20,000 off I’d see it as his contribution for the year (and more) and expect him to do everything at home or most.

He is paying his share though, he's saving you both £900 a month. So his share currently minus £100 If he didn't pay off the mortgage and put the money in savings instead and still paid his £1000 would that make you happier?

You are at different life stages. At 48 I wasn't even considering retirement, at 55 I was. There is ( in my experience) a big difference. You also have more years left to live which is a sobering thought.

You are either a team in life or you aren't. He seems to see you as a team, you don't.

I couldn't be in a relationship that was so transactional

no, it's completely alien, but I don't think the OPs 2 short posts say enough to be able to draw sound conclusions with no assumption.

What don't you try for a compromise and agree that once the mortgage is paid you will both get part time jobs?

Then you can both equally contribute and save but also have more free time.

Most people seem to think the set up is fine - it wouldn’t be for me and my DH. We’ve already discussed a similar scenario and whilst he could stop work completely, he’d rather we had more time for us to spend together, rather than me working full-time and he having an additional five free days. We’ve discussed both taking a shorter career break, both working reduced hours, cutbacks we can make so we can both have days off together, but we wouldn’t consider what. OP’s husband is proposing. Each to their own, but DH should also be considering your feelings in this.

It may not be how you intend it, OP, but this comes across as jealousy rather than a genuine fairness issue.

There are a few options:

1. He takes early retirement but doesn’t pay off the mortgage and continues contributing £1k a month. He’s paying exactly the same as before and is entitled to take a break, though financially this makes little sense as you’d continue paying interest.
2. He pays off the mortgage (£900 of the £1k) and contributes the remaining £100 towards bills. If that’s not possible, you could look at cutting costs elsewhere or you could choose to top up the £100 if you’re able and willing. He’s still contributing, and you become mortgage-free.

If neither option feels acceptable, then the issue isn’t money, it’s that he gets rest, time and freedom while you’re stuck in a job you don’t enjoy. That’s understandable, but it’s not fair to frame this as him “not contributing”. He’s worked hard, cleared the mortgage, and is funding his own break.

There is a third option, of course: ask him not to retire early and keep the status quo; both of you working, the mortgage still outstanding, both tired and unhappy, but at least no one gets to lie in or enjoy themselves. That may feel more equal, but it risks burnout or potential health issues for your DH. It’s worth being honest about what’s really driving this feeling and talking to him about that.

He still needs to contribute and pull his weight in the home.

What age is he?

PS sorry, missed that. I think he needs to have a larger pension or more savings to retire at 55.