DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

No. But if there is an unexpected financial burden, for example car costs, flood, leak. He wont have any capacity to contribute to achieving the money. He will be having hos hobby year. Op will have to find the money.

In which country does electricity, gas, council tax, insurance, car, car insurance, etc costs in total £100/month?

Paying off the mortgage is hardly a free pass!

Interesting predicament OP.
if it was me I’d look for some financial advice about the best thing to do with the money rather than immediately paying the mortgage off. Maybe that IS the best thing, I don’t know, but what about clearing half the balance, adding a chunk to both pension pots, and creating a savings account for the kids/uni etc.

you need to have a good chat about the division of labour while he’s off and his plans for the future. You’re married with kids and this should be a decision that suits all of you, not one of the adults. He was always going to retire earlier but also (fast forward a long way - hopefully) you’re more likely to care for him as he ages and more likely to have to live alone after he dies.

The current plan is a recipe for resentment and losing respect for one another- perhaps talk to him about your fears? Personally I would get the ick if my DH bowed out in this manner and was happy to watch me do everything. If I’d married an older man I’d hope to be working part time in my later years to enjoy quality retirement time together, keeping his older age in mind.

For now, I would want to support my DH to have some well needed down time (eg a month) and after that for there to be a plan where he takes something off your plate. If I were you I’d also be carefully planning my A/L to give ME some time off (eg during term time and let him cover a good chunk of the school holidays himself).

The fact you’ve posted means you’re not totally comfortable with his plan and I don’t blame you.

What’s the plan for when you retire? Is he hoping to benefit financially when you retire? Will he start contributing to the bills again?

we contribute according to our wage. My OH is paid 1/3rd more than me so he pays 3/5 of the bills and I pay 2/5. If that changes (eg when I was in maternity) we readjust. You should both have about the same free money after bills. If you have nothing after bills he should be contributing. You will find him simply being off work costs money. Food, electricity and entertaining himself during the day all increase and that shouldn’t be coming out of your purse.

Hi op considering he will only be paying 100.00 less a month I think it’s ok but you have to hand over more responsibilities to him so when you get home you can chill. You just say if I’m working full time you do school runs, tidying cooking washing clothes etc. this frees up more weekends for you all as a family you never know him doing more house stuff might make him want to go part time doing something else but you definitely need to put more on him. You can’t be expected to carry on as before or you will come to resent him.

The emotional impact and mental load should be equal. He's given himself a free pass to land it on you.

If they are both paying £1k per month to cover mortgage and bills, by him paying off the mortgage early, yes the £900 is no needed to pay off the mortgage, so he's effectively paid both his £450 plus Ops £450.

He should still be paying £100 per month along with the £1000 the Op pays in, which should make the Op no worse off.

Also if he's not working, he should be pulling his weight at home, to work as a partnership

The financial change will impact your ability to be equal. Paying off the mortgage should have shared impact. It wont.

He’ll still be paying his half.

It’s irrelevant if he’s working 40+ hours a week, doing a different job, retiring or starting a new business.
As long as he’s paying his share then that’s fine.

The only reason changing jobs or retiring would be an issue was if they were receiving significantly less money and couldn’t pay their half.

If OP was offered a job for the same amount of money but less hours, we’d all be telling her to go for it because she can still pay her share.

Are you suggesting that if OP got the chance to also retire at 56 she shouldn’t take it?

I feel like it's fair financially giveb the mortgage payment, hes just paying his contribution early, but it's more what he'll be doing at home. I don't think it's fair to have to be the only earner and still juggle school runs, shopping, cleaning and cooking. I'd also be discussing how he plans to go back to work, is he using the time to transition to a new role, any extra training/qualifications, networking, exploring options. It sometimes takes 4 or 5 months to get a new job so he'll need to start thinking pretty quickly.
I can see why you'd feel it's a bit rubbish being the only earner, it's an emotional responsibility too. I'd try and view it as a year off domestic duty, get him to do everything, cleaning, shopping, cooking, holiday planning, school runs, birthday organising etc - try and see it as a break for both of you in some ways.

I don’t think I’d have a problem with him taking a year off but I would have a problem if he thought he didn’t have to do any of the school runs, life admin etc and playing a more active role with the DC, due to him being the ‘sah parent’!

As long as he doesn’t take the piss with his hobbies, while you continue to work full time, and he does make your life easier with the DC, then there shouldn’t be an issue?

Completely agree with this. He should now pick up school drop offs/pick ups & extra household jobs - you should not be doing everything! That will breed resentment

It sounds as though you might end up harbouring a little resentment if he is off/lying on in bed and you are doing the daily grind.
If he has taken care of the mortgage that leaves you both in a better position financially. He has just done his money bit in one swoop and yours is monthly.
I would make sure he does the school runs and fair share of the housework as he will have the time to do so.
Once he goes back to work maybe you can look at reducing your hours.

But he can’t. OP says after the mortgage is paid off all he will have is a small pension which he’ll use to fund his hobbies. If OP has to take up the slack and keep working to fund all of their expenses, then he can’t afford to retire or even take a year off.

My DH is 9 years older than me & retired when he was about 55. I continue working & pay the bulk of the household bills (including the car as I use it more than him so it's regarded as 'my' car) though we split food shopping & holidays 50/50. DH does most of the housework & 95% of cooking.

It works well for us

How has he done his bit, given that it’s him who will benefit most from the mortgage being paid off ? It won’t make any difference day to day for OP because she’s still having to work full time and now has responsibility for all of the household expenses indefinitely. There’s no plan here for the unexpected. What if OP becomes ill, or loses her job ? At 56 and having been unemployed for a year, he’s not exactly a good catch for an employer and he’s going to struggle to find work.

As long as he can go halves on all bills and food - why can't he have a well deserved year off? Surely if the mortgage is paid off, you have less to put in the pot, so your outgoings will drop by a couple of hundred quid, so you are better off.
He can obviously have a bigger hand in helping with the kids - no? Plus he can do after school care and do tea for the family, so you are all benefitting

He’s done his bit by paying off the mortgage, but should increase what he does around the home and with DC.

No, she’ll just have to work 40+ hours and be responsible for every other life expense for them all until he decides he’s ready to go back to work - that’s if he can find a job at 56, having been out of work for a year. It doesn’t sound as though they have savings to fall back on and they still have children at school. I’m wondering just how much of this is being presented to OP as a fait accompli. There’s more than enough scope here for him to decide that he won’t return to work, given that he’s already said he wants to be a house husband. What happens then ? He’s swanning around doing his hobbies while OP is working her arse off to support them all. I think he knows very well that his plan to pay off the mortgage is going to benefit him a lot more than OP. Planning to retire or even take a sabbatical without ensuring you have sufficient funds without relying on someone else to take up the slack is batshit and irresponsible.

Well, the solution is obvious. He uses his money to pay off his half of the mortgage, then with the rest he carries on contributing £500 to the joint pot each month to cover bills.

I think there's middle ground. Perhaps agree a time-specifc period, say a year off official work though increased contribution around the house. And, with the aim of him getting a relaxed part-time job and you reducing hours after that time period? Perhaps a year? Some sort of compromise for longer-term life enjoyment for you both. I am wholeheartedly in support of people enjoying some work-free time and it sounds like his has been particularly intense and more than deserving of some down-time. But do you think you could embrace that and not resent and make it an unhappy time? I think that's for you to consider.

I personally do not see the issue here-he is essentially front-loading his contribution by paying off the mortgage. He is 7 years older than you OP which is significant in retirement terms and it sounds like he needs a break. He is not shirking his financial obligations.

I must say I’m surprised you feel resentful at the idea-that’s not normal. Are there other issues here?

The one thing I would say is if he wants to be a house husband for any period of time then he needs to take over school runs/domestic duties while you are working.

I think the financial part is fine up to a point. But looking at it a different way, if he found a new job, maybe part time, you could reduce your hours or you could maximise your workplace pension contributions now (before salary sacrifice rules change) which would lead to a better lifestyle for both of you when you retire.

Also, I think you need to be clear he is now a stay at home dad and all those school, medical, activities responsibilities are his in full. I think most people would be hard pushed to think of a stay at home who pursues her hobbies and doesn’t do the school runs, lions share of household stuff and ferrying around whilst husband is working and leaving all that to him.

My advice would be let him pay off the joint marital asset and see how things go.
Your marriage may survive or not.
If he starts to behave like a single man, doing nothing but his hobbies, you will have a problem.
Sounds like you carry a lot as it is if he can't even do a school run!