DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

Retiring before OP and retiring early are 2 different things.

If he were 65 and was drawing a full private pension as well as state - no doubt OP would feel differently.

Agreed. So OP is expected to give up little luxuries like takeaways and will have to tighten her belt at the supermarket to facilitate this? And she’ll continue to do the school runs despite DH being a SAHP whilst she works FT? Sounds like a recipe for resentment.

Ideally you want both though.

Mortgage paid off great. Year out job hunting while he decompresses from stressful job, fine. But it’s optimal that he works for another 10 years and retires at 65 in a good position.

He was always going to retire before you with the age gap. How much did he pay off the mortgage? How many years does the mortgage payment cover his £1k contribution? Sometimes people need a break, sounds like he needs it. I think you need to work out why you feel so jealous over this situation. It's not that he has not contributed. It's not unexpected that you would need to work when he's retired. But long term when you are both retired you need a plan for how you cover living expenses.

However, with a mortgage paid off I would be less concerned about potentially losing 10 years worth of pensions.

I wouldn't. Especially if he is also taking money OUT of his pension fund to do it.

My husband did this for two years and it was ok but I did have moments of wanting to go and scream into the woods

because, (maybe this is the same for you), whilst DH had a very demanding amazing job that people respected him for, during his break down I had to give so so much emotional support, so it is hard for the partner too. To then have to shift to stepping it up at work and find that energy whilst he recovers and relaxes was not always easy

some days I would come home from work and have to immediately start cleaning and cooking whilst he was happily pootling and it was HARD and I def got angry a few times, and he did shift into helping out a bit more, but goodness me I was relieved when he got a job again after 2 years 😬😬😬

Presumably if he is taking early retirement he is getting a monthly payment alongside the lump sum. So surely he can pay for some stuff like food etc. tbh been married 30 years and I don’t understand the this is my money this is ours I pay this you pay that thing. We have joint money so woukd look at joint income after he finished and do a joint budget. Surely with no mortgage, and his pension income you could consider cutting back on your hours and you can spend more time together. Worth checking what other bills can be reduced such as if he has a big fancy car for work that can go for a cheaper small runaround or even a bike to keep him fit after retirement. This is the time to sit down together and work out a new budget going forward.

OP said the £100 could be avoided by cutting back on things like take aways.

I'd like to know how much his pension is each month.

Because the risk is he doesn't find a job or earn very much in the future, so how would that impact on the family?

It's very hard for the over-55s to get work if they want to have a 'career' again unless they are highly skilled and in a profession where there is a shortage, although they are still in demand in other unskilled jobs . Or can create an income through being self employed.

Living on OP's income may become long term which is not a good situation.

i disagree. If they pay £1000 each per month on bills and he is planning on putting in £40k straight (or whatever, I was low balling!) how is it different? She won’t need to pay the mortgage bill at all. But he needs to make up the £100 shortfall, which shouldn’t be too hard with a pension.

I think a year off in exchange for paying off the mortgage isn’t a bad deal. However if he’s a househusband then he needs to take over those duties.

1. No lie ins because he’ll be up sorting the children & taking them to school.
2. Taking children out of wraparound care will free up the money to cover the shortfall.
3. He takes over shopping & laundry etc

So he’ll still have a change of pace & your life will be less stressful than previously. You might want to keep after school care one day a week, so he has one day where he’s not having to fetch the DC at 3pm.

There is a risk of not finding another job but it sounds as though with his type of career he could find something.
But you are right that this could be a worry.

However, with a mortgage paid off I would be less concerned about potentially losing 10 years worth of pensions.

With the mortgage paid off it’s possible that OP could also retire at the same age as him as they’ll only have the other bills to cover.

It would be different if it meant OP needing to contribute more but as long as he can cover his half, then it’s worth the risk.

This won't work! It leaves Op with a mortgage and half the bills, plus exposure to interest rate hikes. She has no pension herself, She will be working until she drops!

I have friends (teachers) who are taking a lump sum early and the rest of their pension and then continuing to work but in a different job. Yes they will pay tax but it’s less stressful, the lump sum is used for paying mortgages off and then they can work for longer than they could as teachers because of burn out.

I read it as 1k each a month, so she will be paying an extra £100, but I could be wrong. If he takes on all the routine housework (washing, cleaning, shopping, etc) while she is at work, so she also has extra free time, fair enough.

I took VR from a well paid job, earning slightly more than my other half, and moved into a much lower paid job but less stress, better work / life balance - I can no longer contribute to joint savings, but we have my redundancy pay saved - so I essentially paid my contribution to savings up front. I would see it like that - he’s made his contribution up front by paying off the mortgage.

Nah this wouldn’t work for me/my marriage! There’s no way I’d be happy in my marriage if I was working full time while DH slept in, indulged his hobbies and sat on his arse. I don’t care that the financial contribution is the same. The lifestyles you both have will be miles apart.

If my DH suggested this I’d say he should pay off the mortgage and then we’ll both go down to part time as the monthly bills have reduced.

Sorry OP, I haven't read the full thread, but I'm wondering how much time off you took when your kids were born, as while a woman still works hard, even if she becomes a stay at home mum for a while, she does still have the opportunity to arrange her time to do things she wants to do, without the restrictions that paid employment places on us.

Interestingly, I've just had a chat with my DH about this situation, and he thinks that you are being selfish begrudging your DH some time off after working a hard and stressful job, presumably for many years. However, he also thinks that your DH should not give up work completely, but should find something to do a couple of days a week, so as to add a bit to the pot, in case of emergencies, for example, what would happen if you were taken long term sick? OK the mortgage would be one huge worry off your mind, but would the family then have to live off of benefits, which would likely mean quite a big drop in your standard of living?

I agree. Part of the problem seems to be that financially he's not thinking in terms of you as a couple at all. My DH and I regard our pensions as shared, his is much bigger because we prioritised his career, although I have always worked. He wouldn't see his pension lump sum as purely his money, not I mine - it's family money.

By doing this OP's husband is unilaterally spending his lump sum on financing his time off, limiting the future options for both of them, and also reducing his future pension for the rest of his life (in my scheme retiring at 55 would reduce the payment by a third, so it's a big impact). I don't think that's something that should be done lightly and certainly not without the buy in from the other partner.

Would it be possible for him to pay the mortgage off, but you "owe" him for your half of it? Then, you pay the bills until you've "paid him back" so to speak (i.e. covering his half of running the household), but then as soon as that's done, he needs to pay his half of the bills again.

Obviously I don't know how much you owe on it, so I don't know how long this would take. There's also the option of him paying a reduced amount for the household bills, maybe half of what he usually pays, until you've covered your half of what he paid towards the mortgage.

But just paying the mortgage off doesn't mean he never has to contribute to the household again. He could live for decades!

I think that sounds fair. Hes not left you with any extras to pay.There's a seven year age gap. Maybe you take a year out too when you turn 55 then it would be fair.

I agree it’s really bad planning. I don’t think he can really afford to retire, but at the same time he may find it very difficult to find a new job at his age.

It would be more sensible to estimate that it may well take around a year to find another job.

But they need a contingency plan in case he doesn’t find one.

What’s this obsession with folk divorcing? 🤣🤣🤣

where on earth has this been suggested by the OP

Surely if he has paid your joint £900 per month mortgage off and you each contribute £1k per month each then you will only be short of £100 per month? Can this £100 shortfall be found out of savings £50 per month each.

The most important issue is he's retiring at 55 so will be losing 10 years of his occupational pension.

This is really bad planning and they both need to take a step back and focus on long term finances.

The risk is he may not get another job at 55 depending what his career was, so what happens next?