DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

He's 55 currently still working, retiring at the end of this year. That's a standard normal pension at 30 years service for fire and police.

To retire from the fire service on full pension aged 51 he must have had ill health retirement.

His pension might be about £40k I guess. I doubt it was more than £50k. But, yes, income over that is taxed at 40%. But the first £40k/£50k is not.

Really?? Going over the higher rate tax band has a massive impact, anything he earned would be taxed at 40%, and doesn't need the additional money to live comfortable life.

Money wise, this is only not an issue if his pension provides at least as much money as his old salary minus the £1000 he paid towards the bills. That was only the basic bill payments. Outside that, in a family, there are all sorts of other expenses

If the family can't now afford any holiday at all, never mind the foreign holiday they used to have, then the situation, talking money only, is grotesquely unfair his wife and his young family.

I think the issue is that op is worried that he won’t be doing household duties, and she’ll be doing all the childcare etc, including taking off annual leave.

Plus, they’ll have no money for holidays etc.

Plus he’s not looking at the long term picture regarding pensions, proper retirement finances etc.

This is so over the top, I was a SAHM for 20 years, I wasn't selfish or irresponsible, my husband worked hard and looked after the house and kids, there are different ways to support a family than just financially.

We don't have all the details but would seem that he can take his pension at 55, if his pension is contributing to the household income either as a month amount or by removing the mortgage payment I really don't see the issue, my only requirement would be that takes on the household duties.

You’re astounded that everyone doesn’t agree with you @Rosscameasdoody? Despite you banging away for days.

The outcome would be the same if he has to take a lump sum to be able to contribute to the same level. He’s reducing their circumstances in retirement. I’m astounded that the selfishness of this man isn’t evident to everyone. He’s manipulating the situation so that he can take it easy for a year while OP runs herself ragged supporting them all. He’s also stated that he wants to be a house husband so l wouldn’t trust that he intends to return to work at all - or that having intentionally made himself unemployed for a year at the age of 55, that he would easily find another job. @Imdunfer has it absolutely spot on. A responsible husband and father would find alternative employment away from the stress, not insist he have a year off at the expense of the rest of the family.

He's older, sound like he has had some issues, the alternative is he doesn't pay off the mortgage and takes the amount each month to cover his 50%...

If he were to do the majority of household duties I personally wouldn't have any issue with this.

This. Well said.

If it was the other way round l doubt posters would be encouraging a situation where the woman was proposing o take early retirement so that she could pay off the mortgage and take a year off, leaving her partner with the sole responsibility for covering the rest of the household expenses indefinitely because her pension is tiny and she intends to use it to fund her hobby.

Add to that her DH’s stated intention to be a ‘house husband’ and the expectation that OP will do everything child related while working full time to support them all, as well as the fact that at age 56 and having been out of the job market for a year his prospects of getting a job at the end of his year off are poor, and it becomes clear that the main beneficiary of being mortgage free is DH.

I’m at a loss as to why anyone thinks this plan is in any way reasonable. Paying off the mortgage doesn’t represent any kind of security or peace of mind if you can’t afford to live in the house you’ve paid for without the remaining partner working full time to pay the remaining bills. They may have lost 50% of the expenses but they’ve also lost 50% of the income.

As well as reducing their immediate circumstances, the plan will also have the knock on effect of reducing their income in retirement because the huge lump sum needed to pay off the mortgage has massively reduced the pension income he would have had if he had simply found another job before taking the retirement package, and they had both carried on working and paying off the mortgage. He’s effectively put their finances on a knife edge because they’re now reliant on a sole earner for everything.

The ‘plan’ hasn’t been thought through beyond what’s best for DH. What is the point of paying off a mortgage on our home if you’re jeopardising your ability to actually live in it afterwards ?

I'll repeat something I said above as it's got lost in the melee.

If you have a stressful job working shifts seeing horrors other people don't have to see and facing threats other people don't have to face, then stopping doing those things would, for most people, be sufficient to sort out the burnout from that job. I have seen 2 close friends who were police officers do exactly that at 55.

Working a set routine in a calm environment would be mentally restorative in itself. Possibly far more effective than having all day to yourself to keep thinking about what you've seen and done, with a group of colleagues to keep you engaged with the world rather than be alone.

And since he's a father of young children, unless he's ill to the point of requiring hospitalisation or very strong medication, then imo that's the path a reasonable man and a good husband and father would have taken.

@Luannaa

"DH has always taken a back seat with childcare which was agreed before we had dc and I was more than happy with this as his job was the more stable one so was more important for him to have work focus and his downtime."

Given the age of your husband, and his apparent disinterest in his children, was there an agreement that your husband would father children he didn't actually want on the understanding that you would do 100% of the child related stuff?

If he didn't want children, was their impact upon his retirement planning one of the reasons he gave? Did you make promises that he'd be free to retire as normal, so long as certain conditions were met - e.g. the mortgage was paid off?

OP said she's resentful he gets to have lie-ins, that's where the competition is.
Why begrudge a partner for that, he's paid off the mortgage and asking for 1 year off.

Regarding childcare etc:
I said in a previous post that we don't always want to do some jobs, but they need doing, end of.

If she can't rely on him to look after his own kids, then it's not a marriage is it and OP has bigger issues.

I was going to say you were being unreasonable, but from reading your updates it sounds like he may have shouldered the work stress but meanwhile you’ve been shouldering all the home stress.

id be agreeing on the basis that :

• he covers a portion of the school holidays - you definitely shouldn’t be using all your annual leave for this if he’s at home!
• he covers a certain amount of school runs per week
• after 1 year, he starts to contribute again. How he manages that (ie gets a job or uses pension etc)

It doesn't sound fair to me..But then if you are married, I never understood separate bank accounts either . I don't think you are spoiled in seeing you are having to carry on working for x years whilst he won't need to..

Sorry haven't read the thread so may have missed an important point

Because it's selfish and he's not thinking along the lines of partnership as I would expect from someone who is married. He's refusing to take on the household tasks and children.
He wants the life of a single retired person with a housekeeper. If this was my DH he'd be out of the front door... or the back under the patio.

RTFT. The salient point here is that he does NOT want to be a SAHP.

The OP has already made it clear he cannot be relied upon for housework or childcare. She is expected to earn AND do the chores and parenting.

It's not a competition, it's a question of what marriage is all about. You know, team work, negotiation, sharing...

It's always a competition on here, especially if a man is involved. We all know if it's was the other way round, most would have no issue with OP being a SAHP.
Look at how @Imdunfer has been treated, you don't have to agree with posters, but everyone has a right to post.
Ignore and move on, but no, let's get anyone who doesn't tow the line banned.

it was hardly worth him working as his earnings would take him over the tax threshold and he clearly could afford not to work. Because there is no tax level in Britain really that makes working pointless in the main.

I am not convinced either of these are true of this scenario

How can you compare retiring with being made redundant? Completely different scenarios, I have a friend who was in fire brigade, he had to retire after 30 years service a 51 will a full pension. Was hardly worth him working as just ended up paying tax.

Of course he can, they are both putting in a £1000 a month, if he pays off the mortage the remaining bills are only £1000, if he doesn't pay off the mortgage then he has a lumps sum of money to contribute his £1000 each month for the year.

Why does it always have to be a competition? You can also contribute in other was than just bring money into the household.

I have a friend who was a fireman for 30 years and had to retire at 51, he definitely needs a break after all the horrors he has seen and dealt with over that time.

It took longer than I expected for a man to come along and mansplain at the little wimmin how silly we all are to expect the poor man to put his wife and children’s needs above his mid life crisis……

thank gawd @Mandemikccame along and saved the day with his logical sense speak!

Yes indeed - The misogynistic poster has missed the great Peelian principle that ‘the police are the people, and the people are the police’.

His bit isn’t done until you’ve both raised your children.

Is there a plan that will allow you to retire at 55, or will you have to carry on working to support your children? What happens if you become ill or disabled and can’t work? How much has he contributed towards his pension versus you? I appreciate the contributions might have been fixed if he’s public sector, but It’s not ‘his’ money if he’s been able to contribute more at your expense.

He sounds selfish and irresponsible. DH has had a couple of periods at home (redundancy/furlough) and he did all the cleaning, school runs, cooking etc. I find it unfathomable that a parent would take such a view when you still have young children. It doesn’t matter how tough his job has been.

A few months off yes, but it doesn’t sound like he’ll be overly keen to find something after his year off.