DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

And she doesn't give up work indefinitely, or even for longer than the statutory maternity period, without discussion and essentially permission, from her partner. Many women are even funding their time off during maternity leave with their own savings because their partner doesn't even support her having basic maternity leave. She's also on maternity leave in the first place due to being the one with the uterus who has no choice about birthing their joint children, if the couple are going to have them. If he's not happy about her being off work longer than statutory maternity leave, it doesn't happen.

That's exactly the issue here.

OPs DH has decided, all by himself without any discussion with OP or considering her wants and needs, that he's taking early retirement to live like a skint teenager and leave OP with all the bills to pay indefinitely. As with the scenario above for pregnant women, if we flip this around, OP as the would-be breadwinner should have the final say on whether this choice of his is vetoed. Especially considering there's no non-choice factor in his decision. This is about personal preference for him, unlike when a couple decides to have DC and it's only the woman who can actually physically do that.

This ☝️

deleted double post!

Chat with him about it. Have marital therapy if you need it.
it sounds like he needs a break.
but you need to be clear that you are happy to support this for 3/6/12 months (delete as appropriate) but you worry about £££ and so can he please assure you he intends to start making a plan for further paid work beyond that initial period?
perhaps talk to him about what he is thinking of? Or what he believes others leaving his role have moved into….. does he want to study and retrain? As a PT or a virtual PA? Turn his hobby into a paid endeavour? Etc.

Because it cant be equitable. You can't share being pregnant

My parents were in a similar position, though closer in age.

My father had to take on the household shopping, making dinner, organising the cleaner, he replaced the gardener. Aside from the gardening, he had done none of this before!

He's paying off the mortgage as much for himself as you though.
Do you think he will just not pay for anything and look to you to fund anything for the house, kids etc?

The 7 year age gap was always going to mean he retired first so perhaps you just haven't really considered it in detail before.

I would probably say I'm happy to still chuck in my share of the pot but anything that can't be covered is shared.
So birthdays and holidays and all that jazz, yes he does need to pony up out of his pension or whatever his plan is.
The other option pp have suggested might be, he stores his payout for a year and keeps his pension lump sum, keeps paying half and in a year, then he whacks that off the mortgage ahead of going back to work and things stay relatively the same for you both in contributions.
It might just help the optics for you whilst you adjust and see what him being retired looks like. I personally would be ok with that as well. If resentment is likely to build with him appearing to pay no bills and not work, and if he might shirk additional costs that arise, you might prefer he keeps some money available.

You seem to appreciate his early retirement so I don't think you will mishandle it. Good luck!

How long/much is left on your mortgage? I think that would influence the answer I give.

Honestly he is 7 years older than you. You're only 48, it seems a bit much expect to be able to semi retire at this stage.. let him take his year out while he is able and hopefully you will be able to do the same in 6 years if you want to.

He’s only taking a year out? Let him have a year and then reassess. He will likely be bored. Then he goes part time and perhaps so do you

Money aside, my main concern would be fairness when it comes to looking after the kids and house. If he’s not working at all then he should be picking up all of these duties. With the kids at school, that still gives him plenty of time for hobbies. But he absolutely should be doing most school runs, getting kids’ lunches ready, helping with homework, doing the lions share of the housework, not to mention bill/family related admin. If he’s happy with this then it sounds like a good arrangement for a limited period.

taking some time off is fine, although a year is a lot, but going from full time in a busy job to absolutely nothing is a bit extreme. It's all very well to say that his hobbies are cheap, but cheap isn't free. Plus how about petrol to get to them? Food? Is he planning on not buying any toiletries or clothes at all for himself for a year? How about presents for the kids or his family? As pps have said, what happens if the boiler/car breaks? Who pays for christmas or a summer holiday?

Basically how is he going to fund everything he currently pays for out of the difference between his salary and the £1k he puts into joint household spends?

All he needs to do is work 2 days somewhere and that might be fair enough.

It was a defined benefit pension. You paid into it and then got a percentage of your salary when you retired. I haven't a clue what her pension 'pot' value was - even if there was a 'pot', I'm not nosy enough to ask!

One of my pensions is defined benefit - I paid into it (3% of salary, I think) and I get 10/60ths of my final salary, as I worked there for 10 years. The final salary has increased due to an indexation value, can't remember which one! So, if my final salary was 30k and I left the company 20 years before retirement, which was defined as 65, I was due 5k per annum - which was then annually increased by the index figure for 20 years, say it averaged out at 3% each year. So, at age 65, I got about £9000 pension, which goes up annually by the index figure (RPI? I'm not sure)

And the amount that I got was not based upon what I had paid in, it was defined benefit so it was based upon the number of years that I'd been a member of the company pension scheme up to a maximum number of years, and my salary when I left.

And it was the same for my friend, as her pension was a defined benefit one.

Why?

Only considered in the overall "pot" of assets from which a fair share for each party is decided upon in the event of a divorce.

If there were no divorce, the pension pot could be left to a third party, like a mistress or any other person nominated by the pension owner. That's not to say the widow couldn't challenge the decision but it does not automatically become her asset in the way that a joint tenancy property would upon the death of her DH.

If he is 55 and his pension won't pay for the bills he hasn't taken early retirement, he has taken redundancy and needs to get back out in the job market for the next 10-15 years. Then he should have a big enough pension to do as he plans.

Those are two separate issues, is it irresponsible to retire early? We don't know because we have no idea how much his pension or lump or mortgage balance etc are and she has confused us by saying he is retiring them saying he is taking a year off.

But her post is NOT asking if he is being irresponsible but about her resentment that she will have to continue working while he has time to spend on his hobby and also know she doesn't have a pension pot that will give her the privilege of a lump sum.

"However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost)."

"He is 55 I am 48.

He deserves to take it easy as he’s worked hard but I am feeling it’s not fair I keep working in my stressful job (but I do enjoy and no lump sum and shit pension) while he can have daily lie ins and relax enjoying bike rides and such"

Your situation sounds absolutely fine but the OP has said her DH won’t have any income beyond being able to pay for his hobbies, so no really the same situation.

You do if you are married, it’s a joint asset.

Women don’t just decide to get pregnant, leave their jobs and become SAHMs. It usually involves some kind of discussion with the father of said child about the pros and cons and with some degree of forward planning.

It sounds like the OPs DH has unilaterally made this decision without any discussion or thought for how it might impact her or their DC.

How much is the mortgage payoff? Divide that by £900 to see how many months he is banking
Again 🤔 this is a ridiculous calculation to make. The number of months he is "banking" is the remaining term of the mortgage.

he may as well invest his lump sum, keep the mortgage and keep paying it each month from his lump sum.
This is very possibly a good idea - they should at least consider it.

You can reduce your work when you are the same age as he is.
I think this is the main concern in this thread. If he squanders his pension lump sum on effectively buying himself a year off, then op will probably NOT be able to retire at 55.

Agreed. And parents usually discuss this together, whereas OP’s DH has pretty much presented this as fait accompli.

Much like your DH I also paid our mortgage off and I've retired. DH now pays for all bills. I only pay for my personal expenses, like having a coffee out, parking, new jumper etc. For holidays and big expenses we go 50/50 and I use some of my savings. This is what works for us and our situations sound similar. I will shortly start to earn a little money from a PT job, but that'll only cover my personal expenses so I am not dipping into savings.

I think thats completely different

@MistyMountainTop

If she had DF pension and could retire at 51, she must have reached the limit which back then was around £1.5M.

Drs behaved as if they were the only ones whose pots had reached the limit - they weren't. I know family personally in that situation but they carried on working.