DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

What will happen if he doesn’t want to go back to work after the year

Exactly this, the jobs market is unforgiving right to people over 50 and he needs to realise this when he gets bored of sitting around and the winters are long a and depressing to him or if something happens to the OP or her job! They still got kids at home to pay for, what is his plan to earn if the shit hits the fan. I don't how long being out of work will be fun for him if a lot of his mates are still working for the foreseeable future. I couldn't sit around in the UK all winter that's for sure! Also has he thought about paying for his own existence for the next potentially 40 odd years if he gives up working now! He shouldn't really be doing this until the kids have grown up and left because as said they have to pray nothing goes wrong that ends the OPs job or they are all screwed!

This absolutely. Both take the best advice offered. Don't enter into discussions informally when neither of you are well informed.

He's not retired!!! He's chosen to be unemployed.

Agreed but current plan seems to be he is retiring with no intention of seeking part time/ less stress job so I think that least he could be doing is helping more with DC, housework etc

@Rosscameasdoody - well sorry to say my pelvic floor and joints are not gonna hold out great into my 70s - I shall be retiring earlier while in good health to travel

Im glad you found my comment helpful 😛

Does it make sense for him to pay off the mortgage? Will you incur a penalty fee?
In general, I'd say the same as some previous posters... seems ok to me, though I'd be expecting him to do more around the house. I'd be worried about it longer term if he didn't return to work though - will your contributions eventually outweigh his, and you're left working for a long time (or forever) whilst he continues to have a nice retirement?

He’s paying off the mortgage I don’t see the issue with this at all. He’s older than you too. As long as he does his fair share around the house while you’re working I hope he enjoys his time off!

I think if they have kids still in primary school he’s deluded to think he can afford to retire or even take a year off. It impacts op massively. It’s selfish.

He may have had a useful and stressful job but he chose it and, I bet, is quite proud of his career. And you helped by working too and doing the bulk of childcare and housework. Does he do any jobs which neither of you like - you obviously do quite a few that he has opted out of? Great he will pay off the mortgage but what happens in 7 years time when you're 55? He should be making plans so that you can retire then, with an equally good pension arrangement.

Pissing themselves in their 70s. Seriously !!

Nope. He’s paying off the mortgage and that’s all. There is no back up plan. OP is responsible for every single aspect of their finances until he goes back to work. What happens if she’s ill ? What happens if she loses her job ? What happens about unexpected expenses, their kids expenses, household emergencies ?

How much is left on the mortgage out of interest and what interest rate are you paying? Will you have to pay a fee for paying the mortgage off early? How are you both going to adjust for inflation? Bills are increasing all the time so 1k set aside from bills today might require 1.5k in a years time. What happens if the house roof needs repairing or the washing machine breaks down, who is paying for that? Who pays for the insurances, the car payments, the food bill?

You need to sit down before you talk to him and have spreadsheets and forecasts. He is living in cloud cuckoo land abd he needs a rude wake up call I’m afraid. You have small children. Those children will need clothes, and extra curriculars, food, holiday clubs, school trips, driving lessons, uni fees etc etc etc. if you were childless my reply would be totally different but he still has responsibilities.

Stop pussy footing around him and acting like you’re grateful for his service. He can have plenty of downtime whilst still working part time. The man has a good decade worth of working still available to him. My mother quit work at 70! Alternatively say it doesn’t work for you and suggest divorce, that would definitely get his attention.

It’s ok for him to retire early but it’s not ok for you to carry on doing childcare and school runs.

That’s where you compromise. You carry on doing that but he needs to work part time. Or he does school runs childcare to relieve you.

He can’t have it both ways. That’s not fair.

If he is retired I think he should be doing school runs and helping more with weekend activities.

I’ve had to give up work through ill health. DH works full-time. We have no mortgage. But we have just come out of funding our son through uni for 3 years. My contribution is my mothers flat which we let out.

I cook 5 days out of 7, do all the cleaning and washing etc.

He’s not just contributing £100 a month currently. They both contribute £1000 a month. He will pay off the mortgage from his lump sum, saving £950 per month, but can’t contribute any further from the very small pension that will be left. OP will be essentially left to pay for everything else until he finds another job, if ever.

Head is spinning—-

1. I think it’s fair to have expected staggered retirement dates given ages- both for practical reasons related to pension access and health.

2. there seems to be a distinct lack of co planning- why does he get to make this decision about a joint asset, the mortgage and pension are both

3. was provision never made for your pension given the gaps and that his career was supported - if you younger reading this and a stay at home parent fgs open a SIPP

4. paying mortgage off isn’t always financially efficient- that money is now removed from pot and is not longer growing - what has he done with the rest of pension unless it’s a DB type - all of this should have been discussed I’m mad on your behalf!

5. I get why this may seem unfair it’s like you’ve been sidetracked

I think you need a very serious conversation

To a poster near the start who was critical of 55 as a retirement age - you can retire whatever age you want, who wants to be travelling while pissing themselves in their 70s?

I almost feel mad on your behalf OP

🤣

i am

my mortgage is paid off… in a very similar way!

The math aint mathing.... hope he goes back to work

Op he will not be getting another job, this is him telling you that indirectly. He wont do fuck all at home or with the children while you're run ragged. If he goes ahead then make it clear its 1 year only because he will do all he can to long it out. At least he would have paid off the mortgage which will work in your favour when you divorce him

Probably because the man has used most of his retirement pot to pay off the remaining mortgage giving his family security? It seems true that "no good deed goes unpunished". Now this good man is going to suffer resentment for doing right by his family and also avoiding burntout/ptsd from work which would have been a problemfor his family. Almost as if OP would rather he paid the mortgage monthly or he kept quiet about his money.

I can only hope then that someone else is responsible for financial planning in your house

Expenses have gone down by £1000 a month?!

if the shoe was in the other foot abs she has a bag and wanted to quit?

it’s the same thing, apart from she didn’t pay off a mortgage!

Yeah, I think younger women are getting the message.

With your update, I'd start to get your ducks in a row and divorce. How the hell is he not doing the school run when he's not at work? How on earth can he justify that position? He's an utterly awful father and I bet his "moods" control a lot of your life.