DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

Your dh seems to expect to have a retirement lifestyle of someone who's costs are reduced now that he's retired. This is more like a mid 50s onward someone who's children are now adults and moved out.
Whereas your dh has primary aged children. Surely he can't expect to have that lifestyle when he will have dependants for at least another 8 / 10 years?
and then to use his pension to pay for his hobbies instead? he is not even thinking to use his pension to pay for the food / bills that he consumes which is not normal in retirement.
His idea of his life at 55 is way out of line with your family situation.

Does he really expect not to contribute towards his children in time and money now that he's retired. Just because he has paid off the mortgage?

How much actually is left on the mortgage?

Also just because he has been a poor parent at minding his children and doing school runs, does not let him off doing this when he has no job. Any tiredness or effects from his job will be gone.
Its not fair on you or your children, if he behaves with such selfishness in his retirement. Really what will be he be bringing to your marriage or his family with such selfishness. Do you want this for the rest of your children's childhood or yourself?
I would find it way too frustrating living with a person who behaves like that.

A year off sounds perfectly reasonable as long as it doesn't turn into forever. You have young dc, so there are still many expensive years ahead of you.
He'd also be doing all the school runs and house work if it was me in this situation. Tough shit if he hates school runs.

They are 48 and 55

I wouldn’t tolerate this. Your household bills are now £1100 so £550 each. You’re supposed to be a partnership.

You don't say what ages you both are.

He does not intend to go back to work. He is literally saying this.

If this doesn't work for you, you need to say this now and go from there. That may include splitting.

Hi OP, Have read your updates and can see why you are miffed!

You say your outgoings are £2000 a month, £900 of which are the mortgage.
I would see this as each of you paying £450 towards the mortgage and £550 towards the joint bills.
If he wants to pay a lump sum off the mortgage, that is fine but he can't stop paying for the remaining bills and expect you to pay them all!

He needs to revisit this idea!
I'd suggest he paid off 50% of the remaining mortgage (his share)
You then continue to pay your 50% and 50% of the other bills, and he would pay his 50% of the remaining bills.
So you would pay £1,000 a month and he would pay £550 a month (which he can do out of the remainder of his lump sum(or interest earned on it/pension)

But yeah I'd not be happy about his proposal in the slightest.

If he doesn't like that idea then ask him what his plan will be when you file for divorce :-)

This is spot on. No one needs to be a full time hobbyist unless they are a trust fund baby who is absolutely marinating in enough cash to bank roll trips to space. I think even if he just went down to 2/3 days a week burn out would pass. Inflation is so high currently that any significant career gap is risky if there is any possibility that he will want/need to get back into work after a few months. Would a sabbatical be an option? (I meant to quote the poster that mentioned that OP's DH has young kids and therefore responsibilities, but can't find it now).

I’m sorry what?!?!

This seems to all be about HIM deserving time off, HIM working hard, what about how hard you’ve worked, plus childcare??? Sounds like you’ve worked as hard if not harder!
Him huffing and stropping about childcare isn’t on!! And shouldn’t be a good enough reason for him not to take on more!
Maybe this is the tactic…. A discussion about him being home if kids are sick, him picking up more childcare from you… might just be what he needs to decide maybe he would rather work part time 🤣

Lets do some speculative maths sinc some.ppsters think OP is being unfair

OP and OH pay £1k each into joint a/c this covers both mortgage and bills.

We know the mortgage is £900

So each persons £1k contribution consists of paying half the mortgage and bills at £450 for mortgage and £550 for bills

If the outstanding mortgage is £50k lets assume that amount for now, OH is responsible for £25k and OP for £25k. OH is paying OP share of £25k with this lump sum.
This means he will be paying off OPs £450 per month contribution.

£25k / £450 = 55 months which is 4.5 yrs of payments.

As he is covering the full mortgage payment he can deduct OP share from the bills amount he pays £550 - £450 leaving £100 he should still contribute every month to ensure all is equal.

But he said he wont. Over 4.5yrs thats £5.5k OP is covering.

So what happens in 4.5yrs? OH has made it clear he wants to a house husband so yeah he isnt going back to work really.

Gr should be offsetting the £100 by reducing the childcare costs and also easing OPs day by doing school runs he doesnr get to check out of his responsibilities as a Dad

Hopefully i got my maths

Excuse me? partners just quit their jobs with no agreement/planning?

I don’t think the two situations are directly comparable as having a SAHP can save massively on childcare costs and it’s often temporary- retirement is often permanent with a different set of financial needs and health status may change

What if the OPs children want to go to uni - is she fully responsible for supporting them financially- planning together

More broadly- Im not against the OPs husband retiring it’s the details of how it’s being done that I have the issues with

I think you’re lucky you both are paying the mortgage off. Not just him. You contributed to the mortgage payments too.

I agree with posters who suggested a year off but what’s to stop him to change his mind after a year?

also, if he wants to be stay at home dad then he needs to be stay at home dad but he doesn’t want to do school runs, then he’ll have to do the lion share of everything else.

But she’s not is she ? She’s always worked and there was no mutual plan for anyone to retire early and leave the bulk of the living expenses to the other partner. Women don’t have kids, go back to work and then unilaterally decide to retire early when their kids are primary school age and the other partner will be left with the financial responsibility. It’s absolutely not the same thing.

That is very true but women do work at home…they are just not paid for it.
so it is the same IF he does housework and family care…which isn’t retirement really but what women look at when they do retire from their paid job anyway!😂

Well yeah but he is contributing as he pays the mortgage that would presumably still going on for quite sometime if he didn’t?

I understand the « I still work and he doesn’t » but if he is older…he naturally would still get to retirement before you do?

How is he with housework? If you do work full time maybe you can arrange for him to do a few extras?

A lot Men are put in that predicament ALL THE TIME!

partners have babies then quit their jobs to be at home. The only difference is that they don’t pay off the mortgage in a lump sum and lower the expenses by £1000 a month!. They also don’t contribute financially to the running of the house hold for 5/6 years!!

He can do what she would do as a stay at home mom!

I totally get this and where you are coming from, me and DH were in a similar position and I resented it big time. But now I prefer him not working, we haven’t young kids now, but the little things like making the brews in the morning, taking the shopping in, hoovering, little things that actually mean a lot and support my working life, makes this work for us, I love it , good luck x

This 100%
More planning

Can you imagine if you were a man

And said in your post "my wife gets stressed and moody when she looks after the kids for more than a few hours so I can't ask her (even though she'll be a SAHM ) It's crazy!

It's fair for him to do all housework and school runs when he's a SAHD.

It fair that you also get to retire at 55.

How much mortgage will he pay off? It fair that once your contributions to bills has equalled the lump sum. You both start contributing equally again.

wow. shdnt household money be to benefit both of you and not just him? hes getting a pot and using it for his sole benefit, its very selfish, tho he will try to convince you otherwise. tell him u want to quit and sit with yr feet up like him too! the kids are both of yours, he doesnt get to pick and choose when theyre in his life. if you go ahead with everything hes suggested i give you guys a year tbh .....

I think you both should consult a financial advisor and lay out all the different scenarios to help future proof this decision.

Then there’s separate discussion on how to fairly split the household chores and childcare if DH doesn’t go back to work. You might need a mediator for this but if you don’t think you can discuss it fairly on your own.

It’s possible that as the kids get a bit older your DH will be better at managing stuff like the school run and childcare.

Point out to him that retiring from the job doesn’t mean retiring from the marriage and the family and hopefully he still wants to contribute fully to that side of life.

What we don’t know though is how well this has been thought through.

Leaving a pot invested may yield bigger returns longer term. It may not save much in interest to pay early.

Is there a capital amount to pay for emergencies like a new roof - what planning has actually been done.

There is a lot to be said for paying more of early re peace of mind the asset is owned- but money is all tied up now in that asset.

Like I said it seems more planning was needed- and a joint plan

OP you need to understand the finances better. Have you seen his annual pension benefit statement? I assume he has a DB public sector pension.

If 25% lump sum pays off the mortgage outstanding he will still receive 75% monthly pension income. As an example STBEX took partial retirement. He took 120,000 lump sum but still had a £23,000 a year pension. This is because you can only take 25% tax free. Public sector pensions don’t have a ‘pot’ as such but this was based on a CETV of £500k plus.

Either your DH has a good enough pension to pay off £100,000 plus mortgage with 25% lump sum whilst still having enough pension income to contribute to monthly bills or he is planning to take more than 25%. Either he is lying to you about pension income or he is planning to take more than 25%. This will be taxed. The lump sum after 25% tax free allowance will be reduced by taxation. Especially if your DH has already received taxable income in the tax year the lump sum is paid.

Worst case your DH is taxed at 40% on some of the lump sum. So for each 100k he surrenders he (and your family) get 60k. Plus monthly pension is reduced. Are you OK with this? Because whilst you have family finances it will impact on you. Both in the short term and the longer term.

I think you are focusing too much on grievances about day to day living (which are relevant) and missing the bigger financial picture.

OP will be left footing the bill for everything. There is no coherent plan here. Nothing planned for emergencies or even unforeseen circumstances. They also have children in primary school. The only person this is benefiting is DH. I’d be running a mile. If DH wants to effectively retire, let him do it as a single man and see how far he gets.

? I think you have me confused with another poster.