DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

He can do others things maybe get the food
shopping/cook/look after kids

Ah OK, different system here. No yearly taxes on paying off a mortgage, thankfully.

Don't expect you to share an exact figure but what sort of ballpark is the remainder of the mortgage? £10k, £100k, £200k?! And over what term? Think that is important to understand to advise you as if it's relatively small or you would have paid it off in a year or so anyway, it's less of a big deal than if he's cleared £100k and saved you thousands in interest.

I can definitely see where you're coming from, as technically you're not going to feel the benefit of it being paid off for at least a year as you'll still be contributing the same each month and you'll be cutting out some luxuries.

You need to be clear what your expectations are when his 'gap year' is over! Such as, he'll get another job earning at least X so he can contribute Y from 31st January 2027 or whatever.

I'd also question whether a whole year off is wise in terms of his motivation to return to work and how employers might perceive a long break - why not just take the summer? Make the best of the decent bike riding weather if that's his hobby then get a job that will start when the kids go back to school in September.

Ah I felt angry ready the bits of your post where you listed the things he wouldn't do (sounds like he won't clean the bathrooms, do the school run or more than 4 hours solo childcare) I wanted to say that's BS just say he has to pick up more slack - but sadly I can relate!

Could you use that in the negotiation though, in terms of he gets 6-12 months off to chill, then when he starts working and contributing to the ongoing financial costs again you can drop your hours to whatever is affordable/desirable for you? Work a 4 day week and take a day off together (if you like spending child-free time together!).

I would be happy for him to step back from a stressful job but needs to do his share at home and with the kids.

Hopefully a happy less stressed partner is best for the whole family.

Bigger issues if you don't trust him to go back afyer a year.

My parents did and DF was a house husband for a few years. He's back at work now and DM is at home.

Let him pay the mortgage off and divorce him. He needs to contribute to living costs for him and the kids in my opinion.

part time would be the compromise, lots of free time but a bit of family pocket money too for holidays.

USA. We have county taxes (assessments) based on the home's value. Since it is county, not sure about elsewhere. County is below state, above municipal in the political hierarchy.it was a few thousand dollars last year, which could make a big difference in a tight budget.

No she can’t unfortunately, as she has to pay for everything other than the paid off mortgage. She pays for the bills, cleaner, food, holidays, anything that needs fixing. Luckily me and my sister are adults so she doesn’t have young kids to deal with like OP does. But I can see the difference in their relationship and can tell she very much resents my dad.

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I’m sorry op why would you be carrying on the childcare stuff and taking a/l when he’s at home? just because this is what used to happen it shouldn’t any longer once he’s at home you will be 100.00 worse off a month you shouldn’t need additional clubs etc when dad is home so I think you need a chat about the kids and how he will have to do a lot more if he is at home. Op your not thinking straight you need to take a breath and tell him straight if you work ft to keep paying everything else he steps up as a dad.

What he has done is taken I assume an early retirement type deal and the pay off pays off the mortgage but nothing else

he cannot afford to live having paid the mortgage off and actually needs the OP

It’s a year and he has paid off your mortgage!! I think YABU.

Are you in England or elsewhere? Never heard of yearly taxes on a mortgage applying here.

Your poor mum, that's just horrible. Will she stop at SP age or does she have to keep going due to finances ? I hope that at least she likes her job.

Sorry I haven’t read all the replies. But just wanted to say there was a very similar situation with my parents. But my dad was 52 when he retired. But now my mum works every hour under the sun. Pays for everything. Still does the cooking, food shop etc and they ended hiring a cleaner. She’s 66 and still doing this, because there is no end to bills, and holidays if wanted. My dad never did get another job, and spends everyday not doing a lot. I think you need to just make sure he is definitely willing to get something small and not stressful after the year. Otherwise you will probably end up resenting him.

But ‘the bills’ could be an endless list of things affected by inflation and government policies. The mortgage pay off is one lump sum. They are entirely different things.

Are there any other costs for the house, such as insurance, taxes? I was surprised when we paid off the mortgage how much we owed in yearly taxes. They had been rolled into the mortgage before. That will need to be sorted in your budget too.

If you read properly I said hypothetically lets say its £50k pluck any number out of the air. Point is paying OPs half of the mortgage still leaves a £100 shortfall on his half of the bills

What if something breaks who is paying thay..OP clearly cos her OH is spending whatever little money he will grt on his hobbies.

His financial responsibility doesnt end just by paying off the mortgage. It might cut him some slack in terms of cutting down work or doing a more stress free part time job after taking some time off but not permanently retired.

Not to mention their lifestyle is now affected no more holdings but hey he gets to afford his hobbies though whilst rest of his family have to downgrade their lifestyle to accommodate his.

If you read properly I said hypothetically lets say its £50k pluck any number out of the air. Point is paying OPs half of the mortgage still leaves a £100 shortfall on his half of the bills

What if something breaks who is paying thay..OP clearly cos her OH is spending whatever little money he will grt on his hobbies.

His financial responsibility doesnt end just by paying off the mortgage. It might cut him some slack in terms of cutting down work or doing a more stress free part time job after taking some time off but not permanently retired.

Not to mention their lifestyle is now affected no more holdings but hey he gets to afford his hobbies though whilst rest of his family have to downgrade their lifestyle to accommodate his.

Sorry, I’m sure lots of people will have said the same already @Luannaabut I can’t believe that he’s talking about retiring and will NOT be doing any childcare during the holidays. Why did he even bother to have children?

You’re being selfish

That’s what I don’t get , their other bills less the mortgage are £100 a month ? How ?

He's basically getting disabled and asking whether you'll look after him... Could be he's a builder and his joints are totally gone. If he's a welder he's going blind... Are you saying he can't have a 2 year break and you're miffed about looking after him?

Am I missing something here? He's paying the mortgage off. An earlier PP suggested £50K - no idea where that figure came from. But if it was £50K, that's 50 months of his share of the bills - so 4 years without needing to work.
Sharing the childcare and housework is a separate issue. Yes he needs to step up on these.

I see why you might be miffed life responsibilities don’t end with paying off the mortgage I would agree on a year off do what he wants get it out of his system but doing something after the year and continuing financial responsibilities and in this year off I think he should carry a load off you with other daily responsibilities around the house and kids you are both still young and there is much more living and paying to be made .

Surely a couple are a team. I always earn less than DH but we have discussed how best to use his lump sum to benefit the family. If the family finances improved by 900 a month we would share the benefit; both go 4 days maybe, or he goes part time etc and picks up the household admin shopping, cleaning etc