Help with social services and CFA.

TrishyLou1111 · 2026-01-10T00:14:21+00:00

My 17 year old daughter was sexually abused by a male in november 2025. She was living with her nan at the time it happened and returned home a week later. I immediately called the police and my DD stated she wanted to press charges. Legalities began and she did a video interview ect. Bail conditions put in place for this young man and investigation still ongoing. I have 4 other children and I am currently pregnant. My question, why are social services doing a children's and families assessment? They've checked bedrooms, contacted schools etc etc, im obviously not concerned but I feel as though ive done something wrong? Like im the perpetrator. Is this standard procedure? Or AIBU and completely stressed for no reason?

TakeALookAtTheseSwatches · 12/01/2026 13:26

Haven't read the full thread but having been through this (although with a younger child) they are basically making sure you are reacting to it in the way you should. They also want to make sure your other kids aren't at risk. It's a standard thing, ours was over and done with very quickly.

DecisionTime123 · 12/01/2026 13:23

Well done @TrishyLou1111 - get angry, get the facts. Have you been in touch with something like Rape Crisis? That might be key for your DD (and also give you a clear account of what should be happening now and why):

https://rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis England & Wales

Rape Crisis England & Wales is the feminist charity working to end child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment and all other forms of sexual violence.

https://rapecrisis.org.uk

Original poster

TrishyLou1111 · 10/01/2026 21:43

Starlight7080 · 10/01/2026 21:38

After your updates I suppose ss could have just been confused about what lines have been crossed.
It sounds like the cousins were in bed together? And the nan was also asleep in bed . Was this in the same room? .
Just all sounds very weird .
But also does sound like rape and obviously she would not consent. I hope they do take it more serious and she gets more support

Edited

Nan was in her room.

DD and perpetrator were in the second lounge. They are not babies and dont need supervising to watch a film. The only weird thing about it is that he did what he did..I know i used to watch movies in bed or on the sofa with my cousins growing up and I didnt feel the need to be a sexual predator. Im not going to explain positioning in detail. Its disgusting.

Ive just contacted the officer in charge of the investigation as I feel ive been really unintentionally nonchalant after some of the responses on here. I thought this was all standard procedure and its evidently not.

OP posts:

grumpygrape · 10/01/2026 21:41

TrishyLou1111 · 10/01/2026 21:11

She has recieved no support at all and no updates. She asked for some mental health support and shes heard nothing at all. She was interrogated in the interview and was.told if she was lying she'd be in serious trouble.

I will contact the officer tomorrow.

I really appreciate all the advice as, from how this has been handled so far, I juat presumed this was normal protocol.

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Please Google 'Support for people making rape allegations' and contact the most likely results.
I thought the Police were supposed to be more supportive nowadays.
I'm sorry I can't be more help

Starlight7080 · 10/01/2026 21:38

After your updates I suppose ss could have just been confused about what lines have been crossed.
It sounds like the cousins were in bed together? And the nan was also asleep in bed . Was this in the same room? .
Just all sounds very weird .
But also does sound like rape and obviously she would not consent. I hope they do take it more serious and she gets more support

Original poster

TrishyLou1111 · 10/01/2026 21:11

grumpygrape · 10/01/2026 21:06

OP, I think in your place I would (carefully) be pushing the Police to tell you how they are getting on with pursuing a decision from CPS regarding what, if any, charge there will be.I don’t know enough about the processes but I don’t understand what the Police Bail conditions would be and how they were decided. You and your daughter should be getting updates and information from the Police.

Has your daughter been given any information from the Police about support services ? A quick Google gives quite a range of signposts but the Police should have given her some information.

As I said, I’d be more concerned regarding support and due process for your daughter than SS being a bit heavy handed. SS being heavy handed and not following due process isn’t right and you can follow that up but my first concern would be for your daughter and the support she gets.

She has been very brave to tell you and report it. People don’t report for many reasons but she needs support.

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She has recieved no support at all and no updates. She asked for some mental health support and shes heard nothing at all. She was interrogated in the interview and was.told if she was lying she'd be in serious trouble.

I will contact the officer tomorrow.

I really appreciate all the advice as, from how this has been handled so far, I juat presumed this was normal protocol.

OP posts:

grumpygrape · 10/01/2026 21:06

TrishyLou1111 · 10/01/2026 20:52

I was just about to ask about this.

Honestly dont like repeating it, it makes me feel sick.
DD has never really had great self esteem and ive always felt the need to protect and stand up for her as her mother.

They were watching a christmas movie at nans and she woke to his penetration. She said she was too scared to say anything so made a loud sigh and moved a little and laid still in the hopes hed stop. He continued when she stopped and grabbed her bpobs aswell, she said she could feel his breath on her face as he moved over her. He was kissing her neck and cheek. She stirred again and he stopped. Nothing was said until she confronted him a week later. She knew what had happened but sheepishly said that she needed to ask him something as she wasnt sure she was dreaming. She asked and he called her 'fucking disgusting' for even suggesting it. She then told him he had woken her up whilst he was doing it and well, he went into a meltdown. Sent incriminating voice messages, said he was confused, said he didnt know what he was doing. Said she was awake, then admitted she wasnt and he was sorry and that it was wrong. DD then came to me distraught and I immediately phoned the police. She was video interviewed. He was arrested and interviewed. He said they were bf and gf but they're cousins. Completely fucked in the brain.

He admitted it, we sent all the messages hed sent, and voice notes. Police said it will go to CPS for them to decide if its criminal or not because shes saying she was sleeping and although his messages admit he knew she was, in interview he said he though she was awake so that must mean my DD fave consent. Consented to having sex with her family member. She categorically did not.

I know now why so many people stay quiet when this has happened to them.

Show quote history

OP, I think in your place I would (carefully) be pushing the Police to tell you how they are getting on with pursuing a decision from CPS regarding what, if any, charge there will be.I don’t know enough about the processes but I don’t understand what the Police Bail conditions would be and how they were decided. You and your daughter should be getting updates and information from the Police.

Has your daughter been given any information from the Police about support services ? A quick Google gives quite a range of signposts but the Police should have given her some information.

As I said, I’d be more concerned regarding support and due process for your daughter than SS being a bit heavy handed. SS being heavy handed and not following due process isn’t right and you can follow that up but my first concern would be for your daughter and the support she gets.

She has been very brave to tell you and report it. People don’t report for many reasons but she needs support.

ShawnaMacallister · 10/01/2026 21:06

JLou08 · 10/01/2026 19:15

In my LA (and legislation) safeguarding overrides consent. That's really dangerous practice in my opinion and you'd be dragged over the coals if another child was sexually abused and you'd decided to not investigate the first incident because mum didn't consent.

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I'm sorry but you're talking nonsense. You can override consent but only in specific circumstances. There is nothing OP has said that would suggest consent should be dispensed with in this case. Child in need/assessment/section 17 work is ALWAYS with consent everywhere in the UK.

Original poster

TrishyLou1111 · 10/01/2026 20:52

grumpygrape · 10/01/2026 20:39

I understand you are concerned about the SS investigations but I’d be more concerned regarding the consent issue reducing rape to sexual assault. Is she adamant she was asleep ?

I was just about to ask about this.

Honestly dont like repeating it, it makes me feel sick.
DD has never really had great self esteem and ive always felt the need to protect and stand up for her as her mother.

They were watching a christmas movie at nans and she woke to his penetration. She said she was too scared to say anything so made a loud sigh and moved a little and laid still in the hopes hed stop. He continued when she stopped and grabbed her bpobs aswell, she said she could feel his breath on her face as he moved over her. He was kissing her neck and cheek. She stirred again and he stopped. Nothing was said until she confronted him a week later. She knew what had happened but sheepishly said that she needed to ask him something as she wasnt sure she was dreaming. She asked and he called her 'fucking disgusting' for even suggesting it. She then told him he had woken her up whilst he was doing it and well, he went into a meltdown. Sent incriminating voice messages, said he was confused, said he didnt know what he was doing. Said she was awake, then admitted she wasnt and he was sorry and that it was wrong. DD then came to me distraught and I immediately phoned the police. She was video interviewed. He was arrested and interviewed. He said they were bf and gf but they're cousins. Completely fucked in the brain.

He admitted it, we sent all the messages hed sent, and voice notes. Police said it will go to CPS for them to decide if its criminal or not because shes saying she was sleeping and although his messages admit he knew she was, in interview he said he though she was awake so that must mean my DD fave consent. Consented to having sex with her family member. She categorically did not.

I know now why so many people stay quiet when this has happened to them.

OP posts:

grumpygrape · 10/01/2026 20:39

I understand you are concerned about the SS investigations but I’d be more concerned regarding the consent issue reducing rape to sexual assault. Is she adamant she was asleep ?

Original poster

TrishyLou1111 · 10/01/2026 20:35

Buscake · 10/01/2026 19:47

Completely agree with you

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I do understand the need to do so. So many innocent children have been missed and its heartbreaking.

What's got my back up is a complete lack of involvement and communication as to why this is happening. No protocol or policies have been explained and ive been made.to feel as though im the one under scrutiny.

As ive previously said, im not worried about findings. My children are loved beyond measure and that shows. I just feel that it coukd have been better executed. The perpetrator has been treated better and seemingly his life hasnt changed at all. Its incredibly frustrating.

OP posts:

Buscake · 10/01/2026 19:47

JLou08 · 10/01/2026 19:15

In my LA (and legislation) safeguarding overrides consent. That's really dangerous practice in my opinion and you'd be dragged over the coals if another child was sexually abused and you'd decided to not investigate the first incident because mum didn't consent.

Show quote history

Completely agree with you

JLou08 · 10/01/2026 19:15

ShawnaMacallister · 10/01/2026 18:45

Yes. We work with consent.

Show quote history

In my LA (and legislation) safeguarding overrides consent. That's really dangerous practice in my opinion and you'd be dragged over the coals if another child was sexually abused and you'd decided to not investigate the first incident because mum didn't consent.

Haveyouanyjam · 10/01/2026 19:06

Yes makes more sense if a family member, especially if he has been around your other children before.

Newsenmum · 10/01/2026 19:02

TrishyLou1111 · 10/01/2026 18:59

I have explained why she lived with Nan. Logistics for college.

Sexually assaulted by 19 year old male family member whilst watching a movie at their nans. She fell asleep. Nan was asleep in bed. He penetrated but police are saying its just sexual.assault because he didnt know she was asleep. Messages he sent to her when she was brave enough to confront are suggestive that he knew she was sleeping but felt confused so carried on.

This is horrific. How awful.

Makes sense that if he is family member they check he hasnt done it to anyone else!

Newsenmum · 10/01/2026 19:01

Standard procedure op and if youve dont nothing wrong you have nothing to worry about. Im sorry youve going through all this. Also sometimes perpetrators will find other victims so need to check everyone is ok.

Original poster

TrishyLou1111 · 10/01/2026 18:59

I have explained why she lived with Nan. Logistics for college.

Sexually assaulted by 19 year old male family member whilst watching a movie at their nans. She fell asleep. Nan was asleep in bed. He penetrated but police are saying its just sexual.assault because he didnt know she was asleep. Messages he sent to her when she was brave enough to confront are suggestive that he knew she was sleeping but felt confused so carried on.

OP posts:

Original poster

TrishyLou1111 · 10/01/2026 18:57

rainbowunicorn22 · 10/01/2026 18:51

Why was the boy at the Nans house seemingly at bedtime? as you said your daughter was in bed.sorry do not mean to grill you but wondered what the situation was as he seemed to be allowed to roam free in the house im not judging but if it was my house he would not have been allowed to go in her bedrooom

19 year old family member.

OP posts:

rainbowunicorn22 · 10/01/2026 18:51

Why was the boy at the Nans house seemingly at bedtime? as you said your daughter was in bed.sorry do not mean to grill you but wondered what the situation was as he seemed to be allowed to roam free in the house im not judging but if it was my house he would not have been allowed to go in her bedrooom

ShawnaMacallister · 10/01/2026 18:45

JLou08 · 10/01/2026 18:23

So a referral comes from the police, 17 year old who is living with grandma (reason unknown) has woken up at grandma's house being penetrated. Your records show she has younger siblings but you have no more information. You contact mum, she doesn't consent to you visiting or contacting other services. Do you just leave it at that?

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Yes. We work with consent.

TheMorgenmuffel · 10/01/2026 18:31

He was at her nan's house?
That may be why they are doing this assessment.

Clarehandaust · 10/01/2026 18:26

Brightlittlecanary · 10/01/2026 18:10

What? The poster didn’t threaten.

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It’s the implied threat that they have the right to investigate you under whatever circumstances they deem suitable whether it reaches the threshold or not and you should allow it because non-compliance is not a “very good idea”

Haveyouanyjam · 10/01/2026 18:26

Also the GP etc shouldn’t be releasing any information to them without your written consent. They may have simply said they have no concerns but if they’ve shared your kids medical information without explicit consent that definitely violates GDPR.

JLou08 · 10/01/2026 18:23

ShawnaMacallister · 10/01/2026 18:07

I am a social work manager, yes. I am fully aware that we don't have the whole picture and there may be a lot more going on that OP has not said. I never said this shouldn't be investigated - the police ARE investigating. I also agree that a CFA for the eldest child is appropriate IF she herself consents to it (she doesn't have to!). I don't agree that a section 47 is appropriate just on the basis that a criminal assault happened at her nan's house. That would be oppressive practice and completely disproportionate. I also don't agree that OP should be coerced into an assessment of her other children on this basis without proper consent being sought!

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So a referral comes from the police, 17 year old who is living with grandma (reason unknown) has woken up at grandma's house being penetrated. Your records show she has younger siblings but you have no more information. You contact mum, she doesn't consent to you visiting or contacting other services. Do you just leave it at that?

Original poster

TrishyLou1111 · 10/01/2026 18:20

ShawnaMacallister · 10/01/2026 18:07

I am a social work manager, yes. I am fully aware that we don't have the whole picture and there may be a lot more going on that OP has not said. I never said this shouldn't be investigated - the police ARE investigating. I also agree that a CFA for the eldest child is appropriate IF she herself consents to it (she doesn't have to!). I don't agree that a section 47 is appropriate just on the basis that a criminal assault happened at her nan's house. That would be oppressive practice and completely disproportionate. I also don't agree that OP should be coerced into an assessment of her other children on this basis without proper consent being sought!

Show quote history

Hand on heart, theres nothing i haven't mentioned.

What has happened is everything ive posted. Its wild.

OP posts: