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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery teachers snarky comment

861 replies

CheekyTealFawn · 09/01/2026 23:17

I’m livid, wondering whether to bring it up or just leave it if I’m overreacting.

DD is 2 yrs 9 month old, and just started nursery today. She’ll go 2 days per week, 7.30am-6.30pm.

I work two jobs (one evening and one Saturday per week), as I am studying 30 hours per week for my BA in English, which I do on my childcare days, in nap times, and every free evening I have. So, I could really use every minute of help I can get.

I dropped DD off at 8.30am no problems. When I go to pick her up, I get there at 6.20pm. I see I have two missed calls from the nursery. I ask why they called, worried, and the manager laughed and said “because we want to go home.” I was confused, and said “oh, I’m so sorry, I thought pick up was before 6.30?” And she pulled a face and said “yes, but it’s Friday and your daughter is the last one here, and she has been waiting and asking for you and wondering why she is the only one”

All of the staff had their hats and coats on waiting by the door when I arrived. DD was also sat by the door with her hat and coat on looking out the window waiting for me. it’s made me feel like the worst mum, and extremely embarrassed as I felt like the staff were all looking at and judging me. My daughter loved her first day, seems very happy there, but I don’t know whether to say something to the manager about it?

I understand it’s Friday and of course the staff want to go home, but I didn’t initially want Fridays, but they made me pick that day since it was quieter and we’re only part time, to make room for more full time children on the other days .

i don’t know what I’d say, and I don’t know if mum guilt at leaving my daughter there last is making me more sensitive, but now I’m anxious to leave her there until 6.20, even though I could really use it since I’m constantly playing catch up with my university work because I’m forever lagging behind due to not being able to afford enough childcare.

am I being sensitive? Should I say something? If so, what?

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 10/01/2026 08:43

I feel a bit confused - the OP has an important assignment to finish, has to fit in 30 hours of study in a week hence the long nursery days and yet is wasting over 3 hours of what could be valuable study time posting on Mumsnet in the early hours!

JLou08 · 10/01/2026 08:43

I'd report it to the owner/manager. The staff were rude, lazy and insensitive. Possibly ripping off the owner too if they ring all the parents to get the children so they can go home whilst getting paid till 6.30

Washingupdone · 10/01/2026 08:42

You are doing well OP. Hats off to you for working through OU courses, they are so time consuming, at the same time as bringing up your DD. I speak from experience.

itsallgonetomush · 10/01/2026 08:42

CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:20

That’s because you finish at 4. You’re no better or worse than a different parent who finished at 6 and picks their kid up at 6.30, you just have different circumstances

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I don’t think I am better than them at all.

But the fact is, just because you’ve paid until X time doesn’t mean you pick up then unless you’re trying to make some sort of point. And is that point one you want to make?

MidnightPatrol · 10/01/2026 08:41

Yousay55 · 10/01/2026 08:35

That’s an extremely long time to leave your dc at nursery & children do know when they’re the last one ne to go home. If there really is no other way / choice, then it must be so hard for both you and your dc.
The staff should not have spoken to you like that, but my heart goes to your dc who has been left there for so long.

It’s not an unusual amount of time for a child to be at a nursery, if people are working a full time job plus a commute they’ll be unavailable 8-6.

AgnesMcDoo · 10/01/2026 08:40

CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:34

Thank you! ❤️ I have a wonderful partner, but he works long hours as he’s in finance, so Monday-Friday it’s just me and DD until he gets home and we do the bedtime routine together!

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Honestly ignore all the arsehole misogynists who are criticising your choices.

DeepTealCat · 10/01/2026 08:40

CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:26

I’m not explaining this again. Either read up the rest of the thread or keep your opinions on the childcare hours to yourself since they are ill-informed and therefore not helpful

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I have read most of the thread and still feel that 6.30pm pick up is quite late for a young child. From what you've said you are using these childcare hours to study- very commendable- but if it was me I would pick my child up by 6pm latest so I can take her home and have time to cook dinner etc. My almost 3 year old is usually asleep by 7pm latest. Does an extra 30 minutes really make that much of a difference to your studies?

Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:40

Differentforgirls · 10/01/2026 08:39

you could have given your opinion without questioning her mental health.But you’ve did it again so it must just be your way of speaking to people.

Edited
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Must be!🥲

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:39

Differentforgirls · 10/01/2026 08:28

Charming. No point in an AIBU if you ignore people’s opinions.

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I’m all open to opinions on whether I was being sensitive or if the nursery was out of order, but not open to be shamed on the childcare hours because I never asked for input on that.

OP posts:
Differentforgirls · 10/01/2026 08:39

CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:29

And I’m also entitled to have my opinion that anyone who questions why other mums should have kids just because they work to provide for their family is either a terrible person or is just very, very sad

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you could have given your opinion without questioning her mental health.But you’ve did it again so it must just be your way of speaking to people.

Yousay55 · 10/01/2026 08:35

That’s an extremely long time to leave your dc at nursery & children do know when they’re the last one ne to go home. If there really is no other way / choice, then it must be so hard for both you and your dc.
The staff should not have spoken to you like that, but my heart goes to your dc who has been left there for so long.

Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:34

Alltheyellowbirds · 10/01/2026 08:33

Just ignore it OP. You are working your arse off to ensure a better future for your family. I admire you.

You don’t mention a partner in any of this. Are you parenting alone?

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Thank you! ❤️ I have a wonderful partner, but he works long hours as he’s in finance, so Monday-Friday it’s just me and DD until he gets home and we do the bedtime routine together!

OP posts:
Alltheyellowbirds · 10/01/2026 08:33

CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:26

I’m not explaining this again. Either read up the rest of the thread or keep your opinions on the childcare hours to yourself since they are ill-informed and therefore not helpful

Show quote history

Just ignore it OP. You are working your arse off to ensure a better future for your family. I admire you.

You don’t mention a partner in any of this. Are you parenting alone?

AgnesMcDoo · 10/01/2026 08:33

TwoSaturdays · 09/01/2026 23:23

No, you agreed to Friday, understood it’s till 6.30 and have paid accordingly. They’re out of order. Speak to the manager or owner.

Absolutely agree

the staff were completely unprofessional

and ignore all the arsehole misogynists criticising your choices

Tulcan · 10/01/2026 08:32

Soontobe60 · 10/01/2026 08:28

So you weren’t in a physical building then? I too think leaving your DD so late was poor. You’d have basically picked her up, got her home, fed her and put her straight to bed!
when I was at uni (DD was 14 months when I started) I would pick her up asap, spend time with her and once she was in bed do a couple of hours more study.
In addition, you’re seeming to claim nursery forced you into having Fridays, but they are a business and allocate part time days in the best way to suit their business need. On top of that, the nursery staff will only be paid minimum wage for the hours nursery is open. If you had turned up at 6.30 expecting DD to still be playing then faffed about for 10 minutes getting her shoes and coat on the likelyhood is that the staff would have not left until 6.45. If that happens every day they’d be underpaid on a weekly basis.

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So if you go to Sainsbury’s at 7.55 for a pint of milk the minimum wage staff should close at 7.50 so they can walk out the door at 8.00?

If the op has been told they close at 6.30 then that’s all she’s got to go on. She can’t be responsible for when the staff are paid until.

Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:32

Soontobe60 · 10/01/2026 08:28

So you weren’t in a physical building then? I too think leaving your DD so late was poor. You’d have basically picked her up, got her home, fed her and put her straight to bed!
when I was at uni (DD was 14 months when I started) I would pick her up asap, spend time with her and once she was in bed do a couple of hours more study.
In addition, you’re seeming to claim nursery forced you into having Fridays, but they are a business and allocate part time days in the best way to suit their business need. On top of that, the nursery staff will only be paid minimum wage for the hours nursery is open. If you had turned up at 6.30 expecting DD to still be playing then faffed about for 10 minutes getting her shoes and coat on the likelyhood is that the staff would have not left until 6.45. If that happens every day they’d be underpaid on a weekly basis.

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First of all, I turned up well before 6.30. Second of all, your point about part time hours is irrelevant, because you confirm I was required to pick Fridays. Third, I can either put her in 3 days per week and pick her up a couple hours early, or put her in 2 days a week for the full amount of time. I know which I’d prefer.

OP posts:
Mydoglovescheese · 10/01/2026 08:31

When I was at university my DS attended the nursery on site. My course had a late night finish (5.30) once a week and invariably he was the only child still there when I collected him. The staff were OK but my DS was always upset because he didn’t know where I was and the other children had gone home. This was a taught course so I couldn’t do anything about it but I hated those late evenings.
I understand the pressure of getting assignments done but maybe try to see it from your child’s point of view too and adjust your hours if possible.

Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:30

Soontobe60 · 10/01/2026 08:29

It’s not ill informed to know that leaving a 3 year old in childcare for 11 hours isnt ideal and in your situation wasn’t strictly necessary.

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It is when I’ve explained why it was strictly necessary 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:29

Differentforgirls · 10/01/2026 08:25

It doesn’t to me and you said she needed therapy.

I actually agree with her that children in the UK spend too much time in paid childcare, though in your case it’s only two days a week.

However, she’s entitled to her opinion without her mental health being questioned.

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And I’m also entitled to have my opinion that anyone who questions why other mums should have kids just because they work to provide for their family is either a terrible person or is just very, very sad

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 10/01/2026 08:29

CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:26

I’m not explaining this again. Either read up the rest of the thread or keep your opinions on the childcare hours to yourself since they are ill-informed and therefore not helpful

Show quote history

It’s not ill informed to know that leaving a 3 year old in childcare for 11 hours isnt ideal and in your situation wasn’t strictly necessary.

Soontobe60 · 10/01/2026 08:28

CheekyTealFawn · 09/01/2026 23:42

It’s open university, which is basically all self taught! There are tutorials but they’re not very good, they just do bullet points of whatever you read in the textbooks. I have an overdue assignment I had to extend multiple times with the deadline this Monday, as I’ve had no childcare since before Christmas so today and Sunday evening is my last hope to finish it!

Show quote history

So you weren’t in a physical building then? I too think leaving your DD so late was poor. You’d have basically picked her up, got her home, fed her and put her straight to bed!
when I was at uni (DD was 14 months when I started) I would pick her up asap, spend time with her and once she was in bed do a couple of hours more study.
In addition, you’re seeming to claim nursery forced you into having Fridays, but they are a business and allocate part time days in the best way to suit their business need. On top of that, the nursery staff will only be paid minimum wage for the hours nursery is open. If you had turned up at 6.30 expecting DD to still be playing then faffed about for 10 minutes getting her shoes and coat on the likelyhood is that the staff would have not left until 6.45. If that happens every day they’d be underpaid on a weekly basis.

Differentforgirls · 10/01/2026 08:28

ThriveAT · 10/01/2026 07:48

Op, just ignore these stupid, ignorant comments.

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Charming. No point in an AIBU if you ignore people’s opinions.

Original poster
CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 08:26

DeepTealCat · 10/01/2026 08:19

8.30am till 6.30pm is quite a long day though, even for a child that's almost 3. Especially when you're not actually working?

Show quote history

I’m not explaining this again. Either read up the rest of the thread or keep your opinions on the childcare hours to yourself since they are ill-informed and therefore not helpful

OP posts:
watermybegonias · 10/01/2026 08:26

OP, stick to your guns. You are absolutely in the right re picking up your DD.

I admire you for working so hard to secure a better job in the long term, and find it baffling that people should pile on you for that - this is Mumsnet, where to be a SAHM is frowned upon!

Please, please keep us updated what happens with nursery, and good luck with your degree.

Differentforgirls · 10/01/2026 08:25

CheekyTealFawn · 10/01/2026 07:46

What’s uncalled for is questioning why both me and another mum in the thread had kids if we’re going to “outsource them to other people for most of their waking hours”. That sounds like the behaviour of an unhappy person to me 🤔

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It doesn’t to me and you said she needed therapy.

I actually agree with her that children in the UK spend too much time in paid childcare, though in your case it’s only two days a week.

However, she’s entitled to her opinion without her mental health being questioned.

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