Nursery teachers snarky comment

Seems ridiculous to me, if the nursery is open till 6:30 and you are paying for care till that time, care should be available. If the staff are only paid till 6:30 on the dot, with no time allowed for anything such as tidying/locking up after the last child has left the building, that's their issue to take up with their employer, not your issue.

urghhh all this internalised misogyny!! Bore off! Your archaic views are irrelevant.

OP didn’t ask for it, she asked whether the nursery staff were being inappropriate and unprofessional and they 100% were. OP is paying them for a service which they agreed to so they need to fulfil what was promised. End of.

I don’t understand why they were all still there. Surely two to keep them in ratio and send the rest home! Yes I’m sympathetic, I’ve worked in a nursery and it’s a bloody long day, and not something I would ever do permanently for these reasons. I’ve seen the impact it has on young children, going from 8.30-6.30 is a long time without seeing your parents. (This is not a criticism, I know from experience!) I’d have the same mum guilt as you, she was asking after you, and it was confusing to her that she was the only one remaining, but you don’t know for how long that might have been. I suspect I change of policy maybe coming your way, 6pm
on a Friday etc. OP I totally understand so don’t be feeling bad, but I also understand their pov too. Plus depending on your area, the weather was pretty grim yesterday. No reason to take it out on you though and guilt trip you!
is there any way you can get extra funding for extra days because you’re a student?

I would be applying for new nurseries after that. That's extremely unprofessional. Who knows how long your child was neglected for on that Friday evening at nursery. She could have been there a while on her own bless her in her warm coat.

@itsallgonetomush

why isn’t it very “pleasant”? The child isn’t in a ditch , she’s in nursery, and OP has things that she needs to do.

How is that different from any other job? If you have an office job that finishes at 5.30, that’s when you turn your computer off not when you actually walk out the door. Any faffing about putting your mug away, getting your stuff together, putting your coat on etc happens after that. So by your logic we’re all doing extra unpaid time every day.

Plus, in thirty years of working in different companies I’ve never actually turned my computer off at the exact time my contracted hours are supposed to end. It’s always later because I’m in the middle of a call or an email or a conversation, or some issue has come up. It’s not like some bell goes off and everything stops on the dot.

Was the same when I waitressed or worked in retail - the doors close at closing time THEN you get ready to leave. You don’t do it earlier and guilt any customers who arrive within opening hours because you want to knock off early.

It is not OP’s job to arrive before closing to let nursery staff get away early, nor is it on her that they earn minimum wage.

Who said that? Neither is bad. People have to use childcare, for differing lengths of times each day, to be able to work or study. It’s the society we live in. People have to work to be able to support their families. Childcare supports them to do that.

Child in nursery for 20-22h/week is bad parenting, but 40-45h/week is good parenting.

I’m a bit bemused by the criticism you’re getting op. It’s not uncommon to read on Mumsnet about young children being in childcare full-time and posters generally don’t get the flack you’re getting - sometimes it can’t be helped. All the people saying how awful it is to the the last to be picked up are a bit mad imo - the staff could easily frame it as how lucky your DD is to have ALL of their attention in that last hour if they made the effort. Also, if you're paying (or if the state is paying) for care until 6.30, I’d expect it to be available until 6.30 whatever day of the week it is. Why wouldn’t you?

It’s intimidating walking into a group of people who’s main intention is to make you feel uncomfortable. (HTH)

When I say revenge I don’t mean like kill bill revenge. More just to be annoying. I apologise for my use of confusing language. I forget how literal some may take it here!

Id just say "working hours stated are til 6.30, I wasnt aware of the change, please ask your manager to contact me to update me"

The cheek!

To those who say its a long day for your daughter.....some people dont have that choice! I used to drop my eldest off wjen she was 1 at 7.30 and get her at 6, 3 days a week when I was a mainstream teacher. The mum guilt was insane. Luckily I was able to change jobs to a different school and hours shorter but please dont make mums feel guilty. my daughter has friends who did long hours at nursery/school nursery and school and they are all well rounded 12 year olds now!

It genuinely blows my mind how some people think that parents do this out of choice.

It’s not what OP was asking. Mum shaming is not appropriate.

OP - please don’t feel like you have to justify. Some people will just never understand the juggle.

You really can't do any of it when your daughter is there? When she sleeps? When she's playing etc??
I have 4 kids and I don't remember on days I spent with them spending absolutely all of their waking hours doing thing with them constantly.

It's not like you can write 1075 words, stop, make tea, write 1028 words while the pasta is cooking, feed kids, write 753 words while they're on the loo. It needs dedicated thinking and focusing time.

The fact this needs pointing out probably explains why some people have no idea about how to write something informed and coherent...

I think I would get her name on the waiting lists for other settings, but I would also ask them whether they have many children staying to the end.

I know people say the staff should be entertaining and distracting your DD right til the end, but she will notice she is the only one left and it's whether you can cope with justifying this to her if this continues as she gets older and gets upset about always being last. There are some children that do have to go after school club and breakfast club every day due to parents working, and it is hard on them. Some will cope better than others but there will be some that will cry (throughout the day too at the thought of it) and say to teachers/staff things like I always have to go after school club, I don't want to go, I'm tired. Obviously staff try to jolly them along and distract, but you mention the option of 3 shorter days which I think I would go with over the long days.

Well - we can back and forth on this forever and obviously you think you’re good which is all that matters really. I think when work is flexible I’d prioritise getting there by 530/6.

I do know what you mean as my ds does an after school club on a day I don’t work so he is in school until 430. I always feel a bit guilty as I could pick him up at 330 but it’s good for him and in his interests and it’s an external provider so it is supporting a business too (see how I justify it!)

I think the relationship you have with nursery or school ideally should be a positive one and based on mutual respect. I totally agree they fell short of it in how they approached this issue but I just think it is worth considering how to meet halfway rather than being mulish about it for the sake of it (I’m not suggesting you are, just that the whole ‘well that’s what I’ve paid for so I’m using it’ smacks of that for me.)

Only read your updates rather than full thread which suggest you've been given a hard time, which is rubbish. I read how you'd worked out your week, then saw partner takes the reigns on Sat, and just thought what an amazing partnership and brilliantly thought out set up to let you get all you need to done, including plenty of time with your child! Mine have always gone to nursery 8-5.45 since they were one, four days a week, as we both work weekdays so just some additional reassurance for you. I ignore any discourse I see online re how this is terrible for them because I look at my kids and they're fine. Onto the original issue! I agree with previous posters the worst bit was making your daughter essentially feel mum was running late! We've been so lucky with our nursery I am always so sad to hear such things. Once for my nursery I got stuck on the motorway and I knew I'd not make it in time for 6 and I rang them in advance to advise it would be 605 and apologised. I got there...not only were they happily still playing with my child they also very very kindly didn't charge me (it really was a once off) and made me feel BETTER about the whole thing!!! So I'm so sorry yours weren't like that. I agree with someone's suggestion you've already responded to just gently reiterating your hours and suggesting a different day again if that'd be better and also quietly searching in background for other nurseries. You're doing amazingly!

Literally nobody EVER asks fathers why they have kids if they are at work all day. It’s just assumed it’s fine to ‘outsource’ childcare to a woman.

I don’t want to derail OP but I just want to give some solidarity. I had to put a 3 month old baby in nursery for long days. I studied a bachelor’s and then a postgraduate alongside my then crappy job. By the time I’d completed that my youngest was at school and I had to put her in wraparound care 8-6pm.

I applied for a job that required a mix of on the job training and more uni which amounted another degree. The drive to work was an hour each way. I cannot tell you how many people told me, “if that was me I’d have deferred” or “I could never do that to MY child. What’s the point in having kids?” Blah blah blah.

Well I completed it last June, increased my salary by £12,000 per year as a starting salary with 6 monthly increases. I negotiated two days working from home once qualified. I Inspired my eldest child to follow my career path and my youngest child, the one who had to do long hours in childcare is in top sets for all her subjects and is a well behaved, well adjusted, happy little girl. I’m sure you do lots of lovely things with her at weekends, holidays and evenings like I did.

If I had let the criticisms of people who don’t pay my bills and I wouldn’t go to for advice, affect my life choices, our family wouldn’t be where we are today. Keep going! And definitely stand your ground with the nursery. They either work until the time you’ve paid for or they can give you a discount the cheeky F’s!

There's always one.

Tell them you need to work until 6.20, and if they dont like that on Fridays, they need to offer you Thursdays.

@CheekyTealFawn if your DH is working long hours in finance - can you afford some extra days at nursery rather than just the 30 free hours?

This would make your schedule all a bit less intense for you too.

The ‘point OP is making’ is that she only has access to 30 hours a week and needs to both work and study for a degree in that time.