AIBU to track ds16 location

Its a personal thing, i never installed trackers because i saw kids that have them.leaving their phones behind to go to.places they shouldnt be which is a greater risk imo. Instead we set rules i would trust them until they gave me reason not to, they have to tell me where they are going and who with. If going to a party, a different city etc they send me a location pin on arrival and keep in touch as prior agreed.

Its hard, at times a tracking app would have been easier but overall we have better trust, they have freedom and i am more relaxed than many of my friends who are constantly checking (and arguing with) their kids locations.

Me, DH and DS16 are all on Life 360 and have been for years. Nobody has ever objected.

I agree with your DS, complete invasion of privacy. I have DSs 20 (at uni), 18 and 14. I have never even considered tracking them. My nephew (21) is tracked by his parents, they know all his movements, when he is late for lectures, when he stays at his girlfriends. Very intrusive behaviour.

I think your son is absolutely correct. Tracking someone is a gross invasion of privacy and, at that age, he should be building his independence and adulting skills. He needs to learn how to cope with difficult situations without immediately recoursing to mummy to sort out his problems. How on earth are young people going to learn how to cope with everyday life otherwise?
I have no idea what the obsession is with getting dinner ready for people as soon as they walk through the door, and, as for the person who said they weren't allowed out without a parent or grandparent when they were 16, words fail me.
I consider the whole tracking thing quite sickening, except for atypical situations such as for a child with ASN, which is very different of course.

We have family link. At 16 DD felt it was unfair that we could track her and she couldn't do the same to us. we went to Google maps location tracker for all of us.

Personally I like DH tracking my drive home and the G&T being on the table as I walk through the door from work on a Friday.

Oh, I'm torn on this one. I totally think he deserves his privacy, but I'm also aware of cases where people have gone missing and the car has gone into a ditch and wasn't visible, or they've walked off the main track and been injured and have been so difficult to find in time. So, I think maybe you have to think about his hobbies, and your local area and geography a bit. If you are living in a city where if he came to any harm there would be plenty of folk around to help, then I'd say he deserves the same privacy we all had growing up. If he's regularly cycling/hiking in rural areas then that might be different (although chances of a signal are less).

He is being reasonable to request no tracking. But you could require him to be home for a specific time and to reply to texts if you ask where he is.

the world is SAFER than 30 years ago and kids should be able to be independent.

is there a specific reason you want to track him now and didn’t when he was 14?

Well it was certainly no less safe if that's what you were implying.

I have my kids, a couple of my friends, and their kids all on life360.
Mainly for when yhe kids are travelling or all out together, or if we are out in a group and split up we can easily meet back up.

The difference here, is that everyone knows and agreed to it.
If any one of them didn't agree, it wouldn't happen, and anyone is free to leave it whenever they want.

I track my 16 year old. But it was a condition when he got the phone, it hasn't been removed. And SN in play. I still randomly check messages and browsing history, my argument being I pay for it, my name is on the contract, I'm legally responsible for anything on it.

I'm not sure I would be able to impose it at 16 tbh if it had never been used before.

DH, both DC and I have all location shared with each other. DC2 likes it to check when I'm home or if I'm on my way to collect her (after many tears of "you didn't answer me" and my explanations of "I can't text whilst I'm driving!")

@SeaShellsSanctuary1 no I wasn't tracked when I was 16, I also wasn't allowed out without a parent or grandparent. So my DC have far more freedom than I ever did, even if it means their phones are being tracked.

We use “find my” on our iPhones. The kids are adults now and have been told they can come off it if they want to but they don’t.

I would say if you have got to 16 without the tracking then it’s his choice whether to add it or not.

Both my teens had find my iPhone on their phones when they were first given them and told as I was paying the bill I’d like to be able to be to locate the phone.

As DS got older about 15 he asked me to take it off. After a conversation we agreed that I would remove it from my access but he needed to keep the log in details safe in case the phone was stolen. Once he turned about 18 and working full time, he asked to rejoin the family group. We can all see each others location, including me & DH.

DD13 has never asked for it to be taken off yet. And at 13 I’d probably say no, however as an older teen / young adult she may want some privacy like DS did. But eventually he realised no one tracking him, just odd occasions when we couldn’t get in touch or if I wanted to see how far away he was for dinner.

Why would he need to track a phone?

And?

If he really wanted to "go missing" he'd dump the phone. If he was taken by someone, the first thing they would do is get rid of the phone.

My daughter (13) and I have a family iPhone account so can see each other. I don’t have it up for the most part but it’s helpful to know how long she’ll be. When she’s going somewhere new she asks me to watch and make sure she’s on the bus going the right way or if we’re meeting each other in town she can find me. I’ll turn it off when she asks though, by 16 I’d hope she’d manage to get a bus wherever she wants without me double checking on her.

Tracking a phone isn't about safety, it's about your anxiety, and you're projecting that anxiety onto your son.

A tracker won't stop anything bad from happening. At best, it will show where to find the body.

What problem is it solving?

Keeping your son safe? No.

Pandering to your anxiety? Yes.ù

Times have changed and the world was a very different place I assume when OP was 16! Also ‘were’.

We're you tracked when you were 16. Nothing has changed. I despise tracking and think it's a gross invasion of privacy

I don’t get the immediate “what is he hiding?” idea.

What if your spouse wanted to look through your phone, you weren’t happy with it and they gave you this line? Having a bit of autonomy and wanting some privacy isn’t an indication of guilt.

I don’t think it’s hard to see why a 16YO doesn’t want his mum tracking him in real time. Those tracking apps have the capability for the tracker to send an alert to the other phone - it’s a loud alarm that goes off until the recipient silences it. Quite embarrassing thought for him that you’ll do this and his pals would know that mummy tracks her baby boy.

As he is a child, she does actually. If he had nothing to hide, it shouldn’t be an issue. Also, if you let your kids roam around freely, doesn’t mean others should

I'd be wondering what he's got to hide!

I have a teen of a similar age and we can track each other. My kid tracks me far more than I track them. It's just handy to have an idea of when they might be home for dinner.

It's a condition of the privilege of initially having the phone and me paying for it!

My husband pays for my phone as we have a multi-sim deal through his work. Does he get a say in what I put on my phone?

I track my DS 16. I think it gives him freedom from me asking what’s happening and he doesn’t mind. Eg this week he went to a city centre football match in the evening on his own by public transport and I didn’t ring him or ask where he was because I could see as he was travelling home. He can track me too and DP and I track each other, my DD19 and at uni still tracks me but once she moved out I didn’t want to track her. I really don’t see the issue.

He's 16, he has rights, including to privacy. "If you've nothing to hide, you've nothing to worry about" is quite literally an impressive statement. This isn't how you want to work with your children.

That ship sailed. If you wanted to track him, you should have made it a condition when you first got the phone. Imposing it on a 16 year old isn't going to work.