AIBU to track ds16 location

You certainly aren’t the brightest in the bunch are you? A basic google search (won’t ask for anything more advanced) will shed light on current crime rates, as opposed to decades ago. Good luck!

My son is 19 and we still have Life360. While he would have been the first to rail at a lack of privacy, we had a discussion about this and chose it together because he understood that it was potentially to his benefit that I knew where he was, because we live rurally and if he came off the road in a big way he’d want someone to be able to find him and get help.

I have made a point of not abusing it, but it gives us both a sense of security to have it. I won’t pretend he’s some angel who has never had me worry about what he was up to, so this is one small thing that helps reassure me. He also uses the app to check on where I am if he’s starting dinner, for example, or to see whether I’m somewhere useful if he needs something picking up from a shop.

In my view, it’s about being aligned on why you’re using it and treating it as something that gives you reassurance so you can ease into giving him greater independence, rather than something you’re using as a surveillance tool.

He’s 16

isn’t that old enough to join the army?

You could however make his pocket money dependent on his keeping you in the loop as to his whereabouts- who is is with , time coming home - but not to the degree of tracking his location - that shows a complete lack of trust or irrational fear which you need to
untangle

I always find this "reason" wholly disingenuous. There are multiple ways people can let others know what train they are on and their ETA; and heaven knows, just normal day to day routines live up to their name so tracking or notification is not usually even needed unless something's happened. Evening meals aren't run under military conditions.

People just want to track others for whatever own purpose, but they know that sounds creepy so they pretend its for some other reason. They'd be a lot more convincing if they just owned up to the truth.

People are entitled to privacy without giving a reason, and they especially shouldn't need to explain why they don't want to be followed round the streets at any second.

I accept there may be a case for children, but at the same time, if they are old enough for phones, they are surely in the age range to be trusted. And tracking the device is no good if the mythical kidnapper lobs it out the window as he drives off anyway.

This!

Ds left his phone on a bus and we watched it go all around the Black Country before intercepting it at the local bus station and getting it back from where it was wedged down the side of a seat!

When he loses his phone, he might wish he had let you!
I use find my iPhone most often to find where my own phone is 😳

Just a FYI some companys have stupid and outdated policy so even though its your personal phone if it is not a no strings attached perk but rather a BIK there can be a tie into his companys IT and social media policy.🤷‍♀️

OP your child is 16 so only 2 years away from being a legally adult. Nothing you stated suggests he is a "wild child".

You should have spent the last 10+ years training him to be aware enough to make good choices or opt for the best of a bad lot.

He will screw up but have you discussed how he can recover? Can he trust you to call for help at 3 am and you will turn up and be calm?

If your sole aim is to be able to remotely access and control his movement you are teaching him that coercive control (now recognised as a crime) is acceptable in a relationship.

He is objecting as he feels that he is been put on a leash rather than be handed a safety net. You should ask yourself why you got that reply and how that reflects the state of your relationship.

We always had find my friends on our Apple phones.

Me, dh and the children - the 23 year old still has it on. I get the occasional text when I’m out saying, “just seen you are at Tesco, please can you pick up xyz” from him.

My 12 year old can see where I am if I am stuck in traffic getting her from school.

No one in our family sees it as a privacy issue.

I think it's one thing if he agrees.
But he's old enough to make his own informed choices about being tracked.
FWIW I'd never have forgiven my parent for forcing this on me had they done so. I wanted privacy at that age.

No way my child is not an animal i wont track the idea is ridiculous but I beleive i am to say your child but if i was the child i would disable it

The ship has sailed. How long has he been getting the train for without you tracking him? And also going out with friends?

I’m not necessarily against tracking kids but I’d have thought it more appropriate at 11/12 than to start at 16 once he’s been used to his independence. For your son it must feel like a massive step backwards.

This my over 18 and we are all on Life 360.

Make him how, exactly?

It would really concern me if a 16yo was spineless enough to allow this. He's less than two years away from being an adult, which means having to say no to people sometimes. If he can't stand up to you, how is he going to cope with a dodgy landlord or an exploitative employer or an abusive partner? If you want to create a young adult who has no confidence in his ability to take care of himself and make his own decisions, you're going the right way about it.

My 15 year old and 18 year old don't want to be tracked,so I don't track them. I'd be a lot happier tracking them but I respect their views.

Yes this was the same for us. My daughter set up the Life 360 account herself.

I don’t think you should force it on him if he is against it. My twentysomething kids do have apps, but have no problems with it at all. They can also see that I’m safe as well.

He doesn't want it, so don't do it. I find it very intrusive and as someone who was previously in a very controlling relationship, I feel very sad at how normalised it is now.

We have Life 360. Ds put it on our phones when he left for university so I wouldn’t panic if I didn’t hear from him. To be fair though his health isn’t good so I do worry more. I don’t really look at it very often though.
23 year old dd was not being left out! She then wanted it too. She travels a lot so I suppose it is good to have.

16 in year 11 or 12?
My DD is 14, year 10. I have told her I will remove parental controls/screen time limits when she’s 16 and finished her GCSEs. She isn’t bothered about me tracking her but I will probably remove that at the same time.
Me and DH don’t track eachother, I think it’s very weird to track a other adult

Why now? I assume he's been taking himself to school since at least secondary age without concerns, so why does he suddenly need to be tracked at 16?
I don't like how tracking is being normalised. I don't want anyone tracking me, and kids also deserve privacy.

Completely agree with this. How did we all manage before tracking? Quite well

I think one of the hardest things about being a teenager now is their feeling of being constantly under surveillance. Social media means the pressure to be constantly on show, there’s very little privacy and I think it’s hugely damaging and doesn’t encourage young people to mature and develop personal responsibility.

im so glad my kids were teenagers before mobile phones were used by virtually everyone and certainly long before smart phones and tracking were a thing.

it’s a Terrible invasion of his privacy. You didn’t set this out as part of the ‘deal’ when you got him the phone. This would have given him the chance to say ‘no thanks’ It’s really mean and disrespectful to try to give him this ultimatum now.

Why not try to develop a bit of trust?

I'm so glad tracking didn't exist when I was young as my Mother would have been a nightmare.

Teens are being taught to believe they don't deserve privacy.

No I track DD's and she is 18.

Does tracking still work if you turn location off? Or the tracking app? Or the phone? Or if its out of battery/broken? If it doesn't surely it's pointless without his agreement. And I think the 'reassurance' gained for a parent is over stated. It tells you where the phone is, not what your child is doing or who they are with. As someone said up thread, it might tell you where to find the body.