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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

You change forever after losing loved ones?

55 replies

Chinsupmeloves · 09/01/2026 21:05

Silly question I know, of course you do! However, when it becomes more frequent and the bereavement is for especially close loved ones, this hits so hard.

Once upon a time you were young and carefree, your main focus in life was yourself and how much you could enjoy it. Then as you get older you start to lose loved ones, both family and friends. Some were older and natural causes, others were young sudden and a shock.

Does anyone else feel a sort of 'compound' grief? Each loss reminds us how fragile and unpredictable life is and the weight missing them becomes that bit heavier.

When in the deepest mourning, the world goes on around us but we're not in it. Experiencing this detached sense of being is profound and has a lasting effect.

Then, of course, we have to move forward and continue to function for our families and work. Meanwhile there is another hole in our hearts and it's hard and cruel.

I know most of us will experience this, unless very lucky, but it will happen at some point.

Sorry for the long ruminating, back to the point, has bereavement changed your longterm perspective on life? Time may heal a bit but you never forget and to live in a new reality of those you loved so much not being there anymore.

Xxx

OP posts:
5128gap · 09/01/2026 21:20

Yes. After I lost my mum I lost my trust in life. Because that was when I really understood that no matter how much you do to protect yourself, how much happiness you have around you, death can come from nowhere and destroy it all.
Don't get me wrong, my life is happy now, I'm not preoccupied with dark thoughts, but I'm more wary, cautious and can never really let myself completely relax and look forward with confidence. Because that's what I was like before, and I'll not be caught off guard again.

GrumpyInsomniac · 09/01/2026 21:20

I agree. We lost both my SIL and my husband’s uncle to suicide within 7 months of each other, then another uncle to old age a year later. And that’s just on his side of things. The impact has been profound and I feel quite lost a lot of the time, because I have a teen son to support, as well as my husband, and had known all of them for more than 25 years.

We can never unhave the experience we now do. And we’re of course reaching a point where our parents on both sides are that much older and we will in a few years be the oldest in the family. Which is quite a sobering thought. I probably need counselling. Or therapy, or something.

Globules · 09/01/2026 21:19

Some of us live with grief from a very young age.

It's always been an old friend that's made me seize life from the off.

Ticktockk · 09/01/2026 21:18

sorry meant to add: I don’t think it’s changed me as such, but I now have more empathy for people who have also suffered a loss.

Ticktockk · 09/01/2026 21:17

I think you’re right when you say it’s a new reality. Time passes and you feel differently about the loss. The pain is much less sharp. More like a memory of a pain.