Not feeding a child who is at your house for a play date …

It is bizarre that they ordered food and presumably ate it in front of her and didn’t include her! Perhaps crossed wires somewhere as it’s so odd I’d think there was some sort of misunderstanding. I can understand not doing dinner at all, but to sit down and have your dinner when there is a child visiting and not include them is weird. It’s like something out of The Sims!

It's definitely not normal in Sweden to invite a child to your house, order a takeaway and not offer them any!

as mentioned in swedish/finnish culture this would be normal so possibly also in others. Are the family by any chance from northern europe.

Play dates here always ended at 6pm and had a meal at 5pm then another play afterwards.

Where we live in rural Ireland that would be absolutely unheard of. Anyone in anybody's house at meal times gets fed.

If I had a child here till 7pm I wiuld feed them . Its a long stretch from lunch time.
I wouldn't have my family sitting guzzling while one sat watching like Oliver Twist!!

Either I feed people who are in my home at meal times or in rare circumstances we wait for them to leave.

That's just rubbish manners on their behalf OP. Wouldn't dream of having a kid over and leaving then hungry or not offering at least if we could afford it. If they're making end meat and can't afford to feed one more mouth I'd understand but considering they're taking out I'd say that wasn't the case as they cost a fortune!

Yeah that’s weird to me. I basically try and shove food down anyone’s face who steps through my door at any time. My kids’ friends would definitely be on that list.

Yes it's odd, If it was me I would've checked with the mother if it's ok if I give the child something to eat, check for allergies and if they're a veggie etc, but no way could I sit there and stuff my face while a child looked on that's just mean, if they didn't want to offer the child anything then they should have waited to order the food, poor kid!

So they ate a takeaway in front of her? wtf.
Either they’re really weird or they asked what she wanted and she was too shy to say so said she’s ok

I would not assume dinner for a 7pm pickup but I’d always check - either way. But I’d never ever eat in front of a child without offering. Are you sure this is what happened? My son has a friend who never eats - barely eats at home and won’t eat anything (except Oreo’s) at mine. So he eats 10 Oreo’s while my son has some pizza. But his mum knows this and I always have extra pizza just in case.

I thought that as well - my DD’s friend is very much out of this mould and I’m always terrified that she will go home and tell her mum that we didn’t give her a drink or whatever. Are you absolutely sure that she wasn’t offered something?

It would never occur to me not to feed someone present in my home during a meal. Bizarre and extremely rude not to offer food when others are eating .

I wouldn’t be too bothered if they didn’t feed the kids altogether (in that timeframe anyway)
but feeding everybody else and not the visiting kid is horrible

That being said, without being there, I would suspect the kid either turned the food down and didn’t want to admit to their mum that they didn’t get fed because they were fussy (or just relayed it to their mum wrong) or that they’ve lied to their mum to get a takeaway.

Some kids don't like takeaway foods. She maybe did get asked but turned it down.

DS has friends that don't eat whilst here, only want a drink of squash or biscuits.

This was my first thought!

I’ve 3 DDs who’ve had plenty of play dates over the years and I’ve never ever heard of that. We’ve always fed their friends. You ask in advance re likes/dislikes / allergies etc. I guess 7pm (the time she was collected) could be dinner time but given the family ordered food in it’s not like they’re late eaters. Even then, I’d give the 11yr olds some sort of ‘tea’. Maybe the guest was offered something from deliveroo but didn’t fancy anything. I do think it’s odd though!

Did the dad feed his own kid but not your son? Or did he just not feed either of them?

At age 11 and a 7pm pick up I wouldn’t have assumed tea would be provided in the same way it would for a younger child because many families eat later once the kids are older. I probably would have asked what the dinner plan was though! But are you saying that they all ate a takeway whilst your DD just sat there and they didn’t offer her anything?? That’s the height of rudeness! Unless you mean they were ordering one for later once your DD had left. I think that would be ok so long as they had plenty of snacks so weren’t hungry after school.

Were they Swedish? In some cultures it's pretty normal

My child has a habit of refusing food and drink to be ‘polite’. It’s maddening but she’d rather starve! Since this is third hand, I assume there’s been some sort of communication issue.

Agree that's weird. I would never feed a child without asking the parents first though. You never know if they have planned a late dinner/are against certain types of food due to whatever reason. But in this case I would have asked in advance if it's OK that X eats with us and if any dietary requirements. I can't see myself feeding my child and letting friend go without. It's just horrible.