Not feeding a child who is at your house for a play date …

How mean!

The takeaway thing is a bit much. If they were eating dinner before 7 they should have fed her too.

From around Yr5, we all had dinner together later than 7 as DHs seminar teaching didn't finish until 7 some nights. However, if DC had a friend over I'd usually feed DC and friend.

Absolutely mad behaviour. Whenever my kids have play dates I offer snacks and drinks and if its over a meal I would always feed them. Cant imagine all sitting there eating and they have nothing. Like seriously who would do that? Really odd and id be upset if it happened to my kids

I went to a sleepover once and wasn’t fed. I remember begging my friend for food late on but she said we couldn’t go to the kitchen because it woukd wake her parents. I always ate a full meal before going round after that.

Years later my mother came and delivered breakfast to me on her wedding morning after we’d once again stayed at her mother’s, because yet again I wasn’t fed. I can’t get my head around it.

It is very weird, particularly given they were ordering in. Is it possible the invitee was offered "do you want some pizza" and said "no thanks" not realising this was the only dinner option? Although, surely any adult would have tried to offer other foods.

Did the family eat in front of her and not offer any food or did they eat after she had left?

One of mine has a friend like this. Rather than asking I tend to just give visiting kids a drink and put out snacks they can pick at now

This.

If you weren’t providing food across a mealtime then I would expect it to be organised and agreed in advance with a good reason for not providing food. I’d expect to send or receive a message along the lines of the following: “xx can come got play date after school on xx date but we cannot provide proper meal as we are due to go to a relatives to eat to celebrate their birthday. Can you pick up at 5:30”. Generally whenever my child has had play dates, food has been specifically mentioned “they can stay for tea” and a time for collection “I can drop them off at x time / can you pick up at x time” or “not sure what time yet maybe about x time but I’ll message later if that’s ok”.

However to actually make food or buy a take out and eat in front of them and specifically exclude a guest (and a child at that) is unbelievable. Especially with a 7pm pick up time. A child will be starving by then! Really off.

Lots of playdates here and vice versa
Money sent for sweets so that host doesn't pay.
Food will be sorted by host.

Getting picked up at 7 isn't necessarily too late at that age to think they can have dinner at home. But ordering a takeaway while she is there and not giving her anything is awful! If you really a take-away, wait till they are gone!

This was also me and my daughter was the same , we’d rather stave and seem polite that take or ask for food or drinks!
so it may not always be they didn’t offer.

I have done the odd short playdate where dinner was not included due to time constraints- but snack etc was (and made clear to parents -e.g please pick up at 5 before tea etc) but I can not really think someone ate dinner and didnt feed a friend of thier child who was there playing must be some error in this third hand tale! As a child I sometimes didnt eat at friends houses if I wasnt in the mood / didnt like the food (I was a fussy eater as a child)

This reminds me of when I was a child, I remember being about 11 and going over to a friends house. When her mum said it was time for dinner I was told to wait in the lounge whilst my friend and her parents went to the dining room to have dinner. After they were finished we just carried on playing and I didn’t think much of it other than I couldn’t wait to go home and have dinner.

My parents never let me go over to her house again. Every other play date I had or went on everyone was always fed. Really bizarre, and clearly stuck with me as when I read this I remember that awkward feeling I had sitting in a random lounge. 🫣

If my kids have friends over, if I have friends over and I’m ordering you best believe I’m including them. They get well fed… I can’t imagine not feeding someone. 🤪

Two is a bit measly but, to be fair, I wouldn't be giving my 8 year old 10 fish fingers either. And I doubt I could eat that many myself.

~

I honestly don't understand people who do this. If you're in any way under my care (whether that's in my house on a playdate, or if we're in the park with friends), you'll be treated like one of mine for the day. Whether it's snacks and meals or just keeping an eye on the kids playing around or getting an ice cream. If you can't do for all, you don't do for one. And I'm very much of the opinion that, if you've invited a child somewhere for a day out with your own kids, you don't expect them to pay.

Of course, there's always the situation that she was too polite to say that she actually would have liked something. But in that case, I'd still have ordered something and let her know it was there if she changed her mind.

Don’t worry! If the mum is like me, she knows!

My DD did a bit of work experience almost a year ago with someone at my work. He STILL apologises that he didn’t get her anything at Costa. Because she wouldn’t take anything! LOL.

This is not normal practice in Sweden. That’s only a tiny part of the cultural norm. If a person is invited and will be there for a mealtime, parents will ask if the visitor would like to join the family for a mealtime. This usually done when the visit is arranged. If a child turns up unannounced (which in itself is generally not done) the expectation is, they would leave before mealtimes. Only then, if they don’t, might the family ask them to play in the child’s room.

In any event, anyone who is Swedish, living in the U.K. is going to be fairly culturally aware and would ask the question.

I was raised to feed anyone who was in my house at mealtime, no matter who they were. Whenever we have friends over, we ask if they want to stayfor dinner (if my daughter is ok with that) and if they say yes, I’ll ask them to check with their parents first. There is no reason not to do this. If the children didn’t have a phone with them, I’d contact their parents.

It was an internet/Reddit thing about 3 or 4 years ago claiming Swedish people don't offer food to other kids playing at their house, which then kind of morphed into this accepted truth of 'Scandinavians/Northern Europeans don't feed guests'.

I don’t know how they could sit and eat a meal in front of a child and not give them any…what were the thinking? Especially if 7pm was the arranged pick up time.
Although as a parent I would never assume. The making the plan with the other parent I would find out exactly what was going on. If I arranged to pick my child up at 7pm I’d ask if they were going to be having dinner there.

Weirdos. Or tight.

Either way, pretty unpleasant.

I was an awkward, shy and fussy eater as a child. I can 100% see a friend's parents ordering a chinese/indian as a treat (that I'd never have eaten) and asked what I'd like and me making up a lie about my mum making me dinner when I got home and that she'd told me not to eat before - then telling my mum they hadn't fed me and her being fuming she had to take me for a McDonald's 🤣🤣

Terrible manners if the family didn't offer anything but would put money on it being a fussy child!

I think I've seen three posts agreeing about the 'Swedish culture thing'. What is that?

So they were eating in front of the child and didn’t offer the child any food? Extremely weird and rude!

Not quite the same but we still wonder at the volume of food offered on this impromptu play date - when DS was about 6 we bumped into his friend and DM in town, and after chatting for a bit she invited us back to theirs for coffee and the kids to play.

After a while she said she would do dinner for the kids and then served up DS 2 fish fingers, his friend (also 6) got 8 of them, and the 8yo DBro got 10 fish fingers. Her DC each received a generous portion of chips but DS only got about half a dozen chips and they all got a huge mound of broccoli which none of them ate. DS was so hungry that we stopped at McDonald’s on the way home as it was the nearest place still open. I do wonder why there was such a difference in the number of fish fingers they were served; they are definitely wealthy so it wouldn’t have been a cost issue.

I’d find it really rude tbh who even eats a takeaway in front of a child and doesn’t offer them any. My son normally has a 10 inch pizza but when his friend came round I ordered a much bigger version for them to share which was only a few quid more. I could literally never do that to a child