Not feeding a child who is at your house for a play date …

I would feed a child regardless of the time

😂

I am constantly offering food

Better than what happened to my DD, the parents ordered fish and chips for everyone. My DD explained that fish and chips makes her vomit (I think it's the oil). So the Dad took it upon himself to shout at her, that she was being ridiculous, they don't do fussy eating and stood over her making her eat it.
She then vomited.
Unbelievably he works in child protection.

happened to me as a kid maybe 6 or 7 her mum said were having our tea now can you watch some telly while you wait

she was never invited to mine

Are you joking?

I think it's Peri menopause or I've just run out of fucks to give but I would say something if that was my kid and there was certainty she'd been invited for a time slot covering meal time and everyone else in the house had been fed and she hadn't been offered. I would honestly text saying can you let me know in future when inviting my child over if you are going to be ordering food for your family and excluding her because she was understandably starving come pick up time so next time I will send her with a packed meal or come and pick her up early so that she can also be fed. I would be so unhappy at other parents doing that and I am a bit of an asshole these days and can't help myself but say something

A similar experience has stayed in my memory. I was quite young, maybe 8 or 9, and at a friend's house when they started lunch. It was clear I wasn't included. I said something like "aren't I getting any?" and they shamefacedly gave me some (it was chips). It really surprises me that I spoke up like this, as I'm not considered even assertive now (so people have told me).

My DB and SIL do this - routinely have people over and make meals/ order takeaway for themselves & don’t offer anything to anyone else. Not even a glass of water. Recently we were invited to theirs at dinner time and they made homemade pizzas for themselves and nobody else, and then got out a chocolate cake and offered slices to their kids but not mine. I find it weird as fuck.

In their case it’s a combination of severe control issues around food & also being enormously wealthy which makes them feel justified in being entirely self-centred. Other people just aren’t real to them somehow - and I guess holograms and mirages don’t need feeding!

Disc they order the takeaway to eat after the child left? We don't tend to eat until after 7:30 pm most nights so they might not have thought a 7 pm pick up meant dinner. No excuse if they ate in front of her though!

If I’m preparing a meal and there is anyone in my home - whether an invited guest or someone who has come over for a cup of tea - I would offer them a meal. If I didn’t have enough food I’d go out and buy more. If I didn’t have any money, I’d wait until they were gone to eat. It’s weird and rude, especially to do that to children. As a child, I had a friend whose mother used to serve them dinner and dessert while I was over and not offer me a morsel - no way would my parents ever do that to a child in their home, and I found it weird at the time. (Although my mother raised us that you should never ask for food in someone else’s house unless it was offered, so I said nothing).

My child has food allergies so I would always ask in advance when she’s invited for a play date if food is going to be served, and say that she has allergies so if they can’t be accommodated I can collect her before tea.

How did they even do this? Did the girl sit with them while they ate, or did they all tuck in together while she was left to entertain herself?

That seems very odd.

Unless the reality is they ordered pizza and assumed she would help herself as everyone else was but she didn’t because she felt awkward? That could happen if the parents were not good at letting her know that she could dig in.

Yanbu. I can't comprehend not offering food to a child at any time tbh.

I used to refuse food at that age as I thought I was being polite. Is it possible she said she didn't want anything?

My brother had the same with his stepdaughter a few weeks ago. She was invited over to a friend’s house after school (not U.K. so no lunch at school and finishing very early afternoon) and the family had lunch and did not include her. She came home starving in the evening.

It’s very odd to me - I was always offered food when at friends’ houses, and, likewise, anyone over at ours was always fed over mealtimes.

I don’t have kids but can’t imagine to exclude someone from meals. I even offer tradespeople some lunch if they’re working in the house over lunch, as I find it awkward to eat in front of them! (Usually hot dogs on these days, lol).

Oh lordy. The poor stepson and your son were left out of meals.
That poor stepson- that’s child neglect- did his Mum know ? 🥲
At least your son knew he would get food when he got home.

If so you wait with dinner to after pick up.

I've always thought it was a folktale.

It's so strange.

My child would not be going there again

I think it's a little odd that they didn't feed her, though I can understand their reasoning. In today's climate—where complaints come easily and allergies are a real concern—they may have decided that no good deed goes unpunished and chose to avoid potential complications altogether

This is odd to me. If I was at a friends house at dinner time they would feed me, the same if a friend was at my house at dinner time, my Mum would feed them. It's crazy to feed your own family and leave out a guest.

I’m 33, I’m still like this. I will only ever ask for a glass of water if someone offers a drink and I feel like I need to have one.

I do my own fucking head in!! But I can’t get past it!!!

I feed anyone who’s here over a mealtime!

So would I.

I think it was appalling they didn't feed the poor child. I always included any visitor in meals, it wouldn't occur to me to do otherwise unless they turned it down.

I'm really shocked.

I remember this happening to me as a child, primary age so was a pre planned play date. The whole family sat down and had dinner and I had to go sit in their living room and watch tv until they were done 🤣

Years ago my youngest went to his best friends for a sleepover. He went straight after school on the Friday. Best friends mum was away, so it was just his stepdad and younger siblings. Friday night the stepdad cooked for himself and his kids. My son and his friend got to share a bag of crisps. Saturday morning the stepdad cooked breakfast for himself and his kids, nothing for best friend or my son. My son came home about three asking when dinner was because he was starving.

He never went to them again for another sleepover. He never went on another sleepover without snacks in his backpack, just in case.

I can’t imagine inviting anyone over, of any age, and not offering them food.

And even if not invited, I’d definitely not have a takeaway and exclude someone in the house,

This happened to me a couple of times when I was a kid. Families inviting me round to play after school or taking me on a day out and then eating take aways / bought food in front of me and not offering me anything. I distinctly remember a family shrugging at me not having any money to buy lunch at a museum. It was humiliating & I can still recall the feelings of worthlessness.

It probably didn’t occur to my mum to offer the families money for dinner / lunch out as she was very a) skint and b) autistic. Even if my mum was a ‘CF’ (she wasn’t - she was just bloody clueless about such social niceties, but always fed any kids at our house or on trips. Might have only been a cheese sarnie and bag of crisps but she’d feed), you still buy a kid a bag of chips, right?

As a result, I too massively over cater.