Not feeding a child who is at your house for a play date …

Same. That is really depressing, poor boy :(

That is an absolutely shitty way to behave.
Unfortunately ours appears to be a go to house for DS14 and his mates, they literally eat me out of house and home but I wouldn't dream of letting them go hungry.

That's awful. The family who offered you nothing to eat or drink on a day out were rude and in the wrong, not your mum. You don't invite a child for a day out and expect not to feed them. (And if you can't afford to feed them, even if you all only eat home made sandwiches, then you tell the other child's parent in advance.)

Was it a meal your child actually likes? Could it have been more like it was awkward and she was shy to help herself so did eat some but only a tiny bit and was still hungry.

When I was about that age if a friend's family had a takeaway I was taught not to help myself, and was anxious to do so, and definitely don't have too much or seconds. Which often meant I didn't really get a proper meal.

If they really just ate it in front of her and actually did not offer anything or tell her to help herself or even share her friend's food, that's really rude.

Irrespective of what time the play date is a child will always be fed in my home or at least offered plenty to eat and drink. Leaving a child out is just ghastly.

I hope you told the mum what happened. I’m sure she had no idea that her husband wasn’t feeding her son when she was away, and only fed his own kids. I really hope you told her.

So mean to leave a child out.

Presumably you let the parents know when you invite their child for the playdate that you won't be providing food though?

You know this because you've been to Swedish/Dutch homes and they've done this, or because you saw a tiktok a couple of years ago telling you this is what Swedes/Dutch people do?

I only feed children if they’re there at a meal time. We eat dinner at 7-8pm, so play dates usually end before then, so no, I don’t cook a separate early dinner to feed anyone.

Assuming it’s a planned play date, I’d definitely give them a snack and a drink though. If they just show up though, we may not really have much in for snacking other than what’s in the fruit bowl, but they’re always welcome to fruit and a drink.

I actually don’t really like it when people feed mine. I’d rather them come home and eat the actual dinner I’ve made for them and not just fish fingers and beans, but of course, I’d never say that. I’m thankful someone invited them over, so if they’re staying for dinner, it’s kind them fed them.

They’re known for eating food in front of guests whilst they go hungry?

The only time I haven’t fed a kid was at a party at home where the food was pizza takeaway (it was a pizza and gaming party) and the child had really complicated dietary requirements that I wasn’t advised of until the day and it was too late. Still feel a bit bad about that but it was a stressful enough day without sorting that at last min.

This story is third hand. Child told her mum who told OP who told us. Possibly DC heard the family ordering a takeaway to eat later, fancied one herself and asked to go to a drive through. Nothing to see here.

If they say and ate while she was sitting there hungry that's appalling

I don’t always give dinner for play dates. But then it will be a 5pm pick up, just a couple of hours playing together. But if they were staying until 7pm I would probably assume dinner was included. At 11th a old I’d not be angry if they hadn’t, if the family ate later for example. But eating yourself and not feeding the child seems like you are making some kind of weird point that the parents are really late.

This is made up. Wouldn’t they suggest the guest be collected before they sit down to eat?

do people honestly feed 11 year olds after 7pm?

why didn’t host family eat after their guest left?

Not true, the Swedes and the Dutch are known for it

@ElatedAzurePlayer funnily enough I saw a similar post on FB yesterday. One of the commenters said the same thing had happened to them, so the next day she cooked up a load of food and put it into containers, then dropped it off at the other mum's house with a smile saying "DD said you couldn't afford to feed her last night so I've brought you these. Please always let me know if you're struggling, we all have to look after each other!" and walked off while the other mum was mortified! Then her DD was absolutely stuffed full of food on all subsequent visits..

Probably completely made up but maybe something your friend could try...

There is no culture that does this, it’s universally rude and inhospitable to eat in front of a guest and not serve them anything.

I used to do that and would just get confused, would I be in trouble for eating or not eating the takeaway?

Of course you can get past it. It's fair enough for a child who's been raised a certain way to feel unable to do this, but you're an adult, and you're in control of your actions and how your mouth/vocal chords work. You could say "thanks, I'll have a cup of tea please since you're offering!" or "thank you, wow that cake does look delicious, yes I'd love a slice!" You're just choosing not to.

It's not polite to be like this. In fact you could argue it's the opposite, since people generally enjoy catering for guests, it makes them feel good, and it's generous to allow them that.

I think that's awful. I couldn't sit and have a meal and not include a guest in my house.

Some good points raised about fussiness. What was the takeaway? My DD is very fussy so would probably have turned it down and has been to a friend's house where they did try to feed her but she didn't like it. The mum however did make me aware at pick up.

I think your friend would need to find out more before completely writing it off as being wrong. Is there the possibility that the girl didn't like what was being ordered so said no, then when telling her mum didn't mention that she was offered something. Did they order takeaway that came sooner than expected? Is there also the chance the girl was chancing it and just fancied McDonald's regardless and told the family that mum was taking her there after the playdate so they didn't need to give her food.

I think this might be a cultural thing

I would never do this but have heard of it being done