Not feeding a child who is at your house for a play date …

So mean of them

I hope you reported him to the police and his employers???!!! Abusing a child by shouting at them and then force feeding them food he knows they are allergic to as vomiting is a major symptom of allergy and probably is a fish allergy which the vomiting can lead to anaphylaxis - that’s what happened to me with fish even though I’d eaten it for years before I started vomiting after eating it and then had severe reaction

Not RTFT but could people expand on the Northern European / Swedish / Finnish cultural thing please?

There was a viral thread on Reddit a year or so ago about which countries you would likely be offered food as a visitor. That's why the thread sounds familiar to me. There were lots of people from Scandinavian countries staying that as children visiting friends houses, they would be asked to play by themselves while the family had a meal together without offering their guest anything. Was seen as normal for them.

I remember being at a friend's house and I also used to refuse to be polite. Her mum made me stay for tea 😂 she knew i hadn't eaten and it was late.

Would always offer to feed. If I couldn’t afford an extra takeaway meal, then I would offer an alternative or wait to order food later.

7pm is one of those time that’s right on the cusp of a meal. I think your friend should have asked if she’d be having dinner or whether to pick up before dinner.

Im wondering if they ordered dinner to arrive at 7pm when they knew your daughter would be going? Maybe they don’t like to eat before 7pm.

For a child of 11, I wouldn’t assume 7pm would include dinner - I’d hope it would, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they thought I’d feel the child at home once they got in.

If collection was at 8pm, I’d expect dinner to be part of the play date.

DH’s family are like this. They’re incredibly tight, and it genuinely wouldn’t occur to them to offer. When I first started staying over with him, back when he still lived at home, I found it so odd that they would call him down for his plate. Fair play he did bring it up to share with me. 😂

My family are the complete opposite. My mum and dad both grew up in neglected households, so meal times and making sure everyone was fed was really important to them. If anyone called unexpectedly at dinnertime, or our friends where round or any friends they suspected were going hungry, they’d always make room for more. Mum would always say, “It’s nae bother peeling an extra spud or two." Or my dad would lay all the jars of pickled and beetroot on the table for us to "fill yer boots"

Gosh. I will have to remember to ask because if anyone is doing that to my kid…they aren’t going back!

eating in front of a kid invited without offering is not ok in so many culture!!!

Did she by any chance say she didn't want anything to be polite or shy? I used to do this all the time growing up. I was so shy. I'd probably text the mum and say 'Thank you for having .... after school for dinner. Was she ok?' And see what she says. Saying that I've also eaten dinner at a friend's house and told my mum I didn't have anything so I could get a McDonald's on the way home.

Not just weird, absolutely outrageous!

they ate in front of her??? And didn’t offer? While she was hungry?

👀👀👀👀🥹

I think culturally in this country a lot of people are not hospitable, unlike other countries where guests are genuinely welcomed, fed etc. I wouldn’t dream of doing this, but my kids have occasionally come across it.

it’s awful! How can they sit there and watch a child not eat whilst they are filling their faces!! Diabolical also This 100% happens in families too! One of my friends was in a step family dynamic, they’d been invited to stepfather parents home and the stepfathers mother only cooked a full Sunday roast for the biological kids! My friend the stepchild was given a blue ribbon bar in lieu of lunch (this was way back before mobile phones)

My friends mom went spare when friend returned home hungry and the other child was fully fed (surprisingly that relationship lasted a few years even after this event -but he cheated on her and that was the last straw he was a bit of a wrong un but that was years later).

If a child is not being picked up until 7 pm I would always provide some food, even just a pizza for the 2 of them.

But OP, you need to check with mum of her friend what the plan is about play and food, and pick up. You can't just expect it all to be organised without your input about it.

I mean it's not unheard of here either 😂

Where did I, or anyone, write "often"? But does it happen? Yes, it does, it is not unheard of, as I wrote. Just because something might not be the norm, doesn't mean that it is unusual. Amongst my friends, I can't see it happening. But would I be surprised if I heard about it happening? No, I wouldn't.

Had never heard of it - but Google search suggests this. However, digging a bit deeper it seems to apply more to uninvited guests!

https://www.swedenforbeginners.com/the-swedengate-story

I feed whoever is in my home at meal time - with 3 teens that can vary massively with no notice but I have options in the freezer so I feed whoever is here. Not feeding a guest is totally weird.

And often families invite people over and then eat meals in front of them?

I dont think its always necessary to feed the visitor on a play date but I do think if awful to order the family take away and not the guest unless her parents were massively late and it was just a timing issue

LittleMy is not wrong, though. I agree with this. Don't know about the Dutch, but yeah, it is not unheard of in Sweden. I've not seen any TikToks but I grew up there, have the passport and spend ample time there every year. LittleMy's username suggests a Nordic connection, as well...

I have lifelong generalised anxiety disorder, diagnosed clinically and treated with therapy on NHS and I agree with PP. You can make active choices to change, albeit difficult to do so.

All you’ve proved, is your have no understanding of how anxiety works. Congratulations!

Did they check with the parents? I've had some rather devious kids at mine over the years. It might be she didn't like/want the takeaway not that she wasn't offered it. Or thought a drive thru on the way home was a better deal.

Very strange and not very nice.