Not feeding a child who is at your house for a play date …

Imagine eating in front of a hungry child! And ALL kids are hungry after school.... well mine are always starving.

For a 7pm pick-up I'd probably ask if they'd be staying for dinner/tea. We rarely eat dinner before 19:30 so a 7pm pick-up would be "before we have dinner". I'd make it clear to the parent that we don't usually eat until 19:30.

Having said that, I'd be offering some sort of tea or post-school snack at 4/5pm anyway, or possibly organise an early dinner for DC and friend involving pizza or similar rather than giving them stew! Especially if the guest eats around 17:30 or similar.

It's extremely rude to not have provided food to a guest. Ordering take-out whilst a guest is still there also strikes me as rude — at least wait until they're gone!

That’s really fucking weird and I would not send my child to that house again.

It's incredibly rude. Ok say for whatever reason it was understandable to not feed the child (it isn't btw) at least don't go get a delicious meal and eat it Infront of them. I couldn't imagine doing this Infront of an adult, why would they think it's ok Infront of a child?

Growing up, my mum wouldn't even let me plate my own food unless our guests had been offered first.

I think, unless it is for financial reasons (and that they only have food for their family and not one person more), it could be a way of "not interfering with other families' routines". I dont agree with this, but just giving another perspective. School/work generally starts, and therefore ends in the Nordicls, earlier than what I have experienced during my 20+ years in the UK. Therefore, I was brought up with everyone in the family having dinner together every evening. This has not been my experience here. It could be a way of acknowledging dinner as a family meal time - both for their own family and for the visiting child's family. It doesn't have to come from malice.

Saying that, I'd never treat a visitor, child or adult, that way. On the contrary. I often overfeed my guests!

They ate in front of her? That's awful.

With my DS and his friends they either all had or none had (for treats so everyone had the same). His friends always ate with us and often I'd get them each a takeaway. DS was always fed at his friends' houses.

One of my friend's husbands once only bought sweets for his child and not my DS. So the little sweetheart shared hers. That man was a mean minded, spiteful individual.

Strange she wasn't included in food order, maybe the friend could have shared their meal

Wtf not normal in either country

I think it was awful behaviour. For a 7pm pickup it isn't really clear what is expected, so I'd clarify in advance with the parent - "We'll have them for tea," or "Shall we have them for tea?" or whatever. If the child wasn't going to eat with us we would wait till they had gone home for our tea, and certainly wouldn't eat in front of them without including them.

Their culture is to have a child in their home and not offer them food? Seriously weird.
Kids are usually ravenous when getting home after school and need topping up even before the evening meal.

Do you mean they were dropping your child back at 7pm and getting a takeaway as part of this journey to eat after they'd dropped her?

That's odd. Do they always eat late and presumed everyone else did so she'd go home to eat?

I always checked details with paydays parents when my kids were invited somewhere-collection time and details and if dinner was included.

Actually it often doesn’t make you lose control of your mouth.

Bug well done for continuing to demonstrate that you have little to no understanding of neuro psychology/evolutionary biology/ endocrinology/developmental psychology.

I had this done to me once when I was a child. I had to sit and watch the family eat.

Well I hadn't t realised it makes you lose physical control of your mouth so yes, you're probably right.

Very weird and very rude

My child would not be returning to this home for anymore playdates. These peoples actions, were rude and unkind.
Saying that .my child from an early age would have said. "I.m going home now!" She actually did this aged 4. She was invited to join a neighbours child for 'dinner'. Dinner was
"Just a slice of pizza"handed to them in the garden. Which was all she was offered.

That's disgusting behaviour, ordered food for themselves but gave nothing to an invited child at teatime knowing they would be hungry from school! I'd of given them food and snacks all visit!

Unless there was a communication/ allergy issue it sounds like tightfistedness. How mean to a child to eat in front them.

I’ve had kids tell me they’re fine, it’s ok etc when asked about food, hoping it was something like this, ie that they misheard or misread what she said or didn’t ask her enough (I’ve had children I nearly needed to pester as they were so shy and weren’t going to admit what they would or wouldn’t eat!)

That's really weird.

Although ds3 had a friend round and few weeks ago and I called from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Ds3 came and asked me if his friend could have food too. I was a bit embarrassed that either ds3 or his friend would think that I would feed my own dc and not the friend.

Something similar happened to my son at a sleepover. They weren’t told to eat before they got there. I got a text from my son to say he was starving as they’d not been fed and could I order some takeaway to be delivered. Could I get it delivered to the doorstep so as not to embarrass the parents.

It makes a good thread on a British family forum and everyone seems surprised. Similar thread on Familjeliv wouldn't create the same kind of unified reaction. It's funny how touchy some are and cannot accept anything that suggest that Sweden/Swedes are not the envy of everyone.

If it's a planned visit and the child was invited and it crossed a meal time, they should be fed.

If it wasn't planned then either.. the child is fed, or when it gets to meal time, it's "come on, it's time to go home, it's dinner time".

Those are the options. Eating while the child sits there and has nothing - particularly when it's takeaway so there's not the excuse of the meal being pre-planned and not enough to go round - is really mean.

When I was about 11 I went to a friend's house on a Saturday afternoon, pre arranged and invited. The parents sat down with a cup of tea and a packet of biscuits (full packet) and my friend asked if we could have a drink and a biscuit and was told no and get glasses of water.

Later we went back downstairs and my friend asked what was for dinner, to be told her parents had already eaten and there was none for us. About 7pm I asked to go home (was supposed to sleep over) because I'd had nothing but a glass of water the whole 6 hours I'd been there and it didn't appear any food was being provided. I rang my mum and she collected me. My friends mum told her I felt unwell and wouldn't eat!

I never returned. I sometimes think about that friend it didn't seem like it was unusual for her.

Did they feed their own child? I'm assuming they had the takeaway and didn't feed both kids not just left out the other child.