Husband doesn't want another baby

I don’t think you’ll get over it, the baby/toddler stage is so fleeting and I think you’ll only get worse as time goes on tbh. If it was due to health reasons etc then fair enough but money is absolutely not a reason unless you’re living in a homeless shelter and literally can’t afford formula or nappies. I know only children can be just as happy for sure but I really really think life is better for kids with a sibling, and that impact lasts decades, not just a year on maternity pay

You do not have to use contraception, and if he does not want any more children he gets the snip. Tell him it's non negotiable.

I find his attitude selfish and unreasonable. He does not want the proceedure because it hurts, tough, you had to push out a baby, now that hurts.

And so is hers

so, if they have sex, and neither want to take contraception or him havesnip…I guess nature will take its course

you can’t choose to have a child, not if you have sex ( exception sadly being sterility) . You choose to NOT have a child. That’s an active decision that whoever wants to prevent a pregnancy and child has to act on.

his decision. His action.

right now he’s washing his hands of any responsibility for his own fertility

That is very much not acceptable. It’s not solely your responsibility to prevent pregnancy, and it’s absolutely not for him to dictate whether you take contraceptives or not. It’s a joint decision and if you can’t agree then there’s no sex.

Has he tried being pregnant / giving birth?! They hurt

He is reasonable not wanting another baby but not to refuse a vasectomy

That’s not bloody on.its a cop out. He’s one driving decison…not you.
hes basically telling you to use contraception for rest of your fertile years. does he think that doesn’t effect you? Either all those hormones or someone shoving an iud into you ?
jeez, he’s a spoilt brat

its not his decision to have a child. Not if he’s having sex. Pregnancy is the natural outcome of sex. It’s his decision to NOT have a child and that means one of you, at least, needs to prevent pregnancy. Properly. He can’t say he wants to prevent a child and then expect you to act solely on making that happen

not if he still wants sex

tell him it’s his decision to, not yours, therefore he needs to take responsibility to prevent a pregnancy. Not you

You both know that all the toys, designer clothes, best of everything doesn’t equal an amazing life?
if you’ve both got good jobs as you say then you CAN afford another child like many others do.
It sounds like he has other reservations which may be perfectly valid but he needs to be honest.

So selfish of him not to have the snip.

Something I read that really resonated with me, is "your financial situation is temporary, your family is forever". Obviously caveats apply about being financially capable of raising a child, but a few years for going luxuries is worth it for your dream family IMO.

Agree with the other posters that if you don't want to take the pill, don't. It has very real risks, especially as you age. I'd be inclined to say something like "darling I understand your standpoint. It's going to be up to you to sort out the contraception from now on, as I'm prioritizing my health for our DS. The side effects of the pill are too risky as I get older."

I dont think it's fair for him to decide 'no more kids for you' because he doesn't want to make a further dint in his disposable income. Especially when he said it would be 2. Would you have had children with him if he said only one?

I’d tell him that I won’t be doing anything further to prevent a pregnancy, so it’s all up to him from now on. He can’t insist that you use contraceptives.

I desperately wanted another child, my DH was adamant he didn’t- not just because of finances, but because in his words ‘pregnancy doesn’t suit you’ and tbf he was right. We didn’t have another, I am 52 now and he was right- we have a lovely life with our family and I don’t regret it.

However I think this is so individual and its so important that all views are heard and talked about - because regret and sadness could ruin a relationship. I wish you the best of luck because this isn’t easy ❤️❤️

Our second baby was stillborn, and DH was adamant that he didn't want to try again afterwards. Only he wouldn't go for a vasectomy, I ended up with migraines from the pill and bled like a stuffed pig for 12 weeks when I had a copper coil in. So I told him it was on him. Hence our 3rd and 4th babies came along in the following years. After our 4th, I was told another pregnancy would be life risking so at that point, I said no sex until he'd had the snip. He got the message after 6 months...

If he doesn't want more kids OP, you can't shift that mountain but I'm sure as hell that he'd be taking responsibility for it and not me.

True enough but by then mum will be back at work. I'm more concerned about their miraculous ability to make a pair of socks last a week and their terrible fear of putting things in the dishwasher 😂

If he doesn't want another baby and you don't want contraception then he doesn't get any.......

Do you think your husband will maybe change his mind down the line? After my second child, I was fully expecting to proceed with the third as we had agreed and to my devastation surprise, my husband said we were not having any more. My heart was broken and ai thought about the third baby every day. I didn't push it as I respected his decision but it felt like there was someone in our family who wasn't there, but who was supposed to be there!

Anyway I stopped bringing it up and one day he just asked me should we have another! I got pregnant at once and even though I love babies and love being a mum, and would be delighted if I fell pregnant by accident, I don't feel like I need another baby like I did. I'm pretty much done but like to day dream.

So keep your hopes up, speak to your husband, tell him your feelings and leave it. Maybe bring it up again down the line. I know how hard it is, I'm sorry.

It might not cost much to have a baby, but bugger me are teenagers expensive!!!!

My DH sadly didn’t want three despite the fact that he’d always known I did. Ultimately I felt that I had to accept it, though it will always be a regret for me.

But there’s no way in hell I would have accepted stopping at one, given that we had always talked about having multiple children. Only you know how you feel, but I think that in your situation I’d have so much hurt and anger that I probably wouldn’t be able to stay married to him.

We have 3 DC and it can be a struggle financially but they value their siblings so much. My DH was an only child so while he loved his childhood, he's given his children the only thing he never had. We're so proud of our lovely kids - they are worth every penny.

Jobs and money come and go but kids are your heart forever.

Finally I know a couple who put off having a second child because he was worried about the finances. Then they split up. He now lives with his new partner and her kids while she lives with her only child.

I think I would provide him with a copy of all the side effects your contraception causes you and remind him that this is every single month, not a one-off pain and a few days’ recovery. And then remind him that contraceptives are not 100% a guarantee of you not getting pregnant.

I would also say that you’ve been having to take responsibility for contraception for large amounts of your adult life when you didn’t want to get pregnant, yet now that you do want to and he doesn’t, it seems unfair that he is again expecting you to take that burden instead of the person who doesn’t want a baby. He can’t have it all ways.

But TBH the bigger issue is how you two differ on this. While I fall in the camp of “unless it’s 2 enthusiastic yeses, it’s a no”, you need to do some introspection or possibly some counselling to work out what impact this is going to have if you don’t get to have the longer-for second child. I always wanted two, but so did DH: I’m just really prone to miscarriages and in the end we stopped at one by mutual agreement. And hard as it was to accept, it was easier knowing that we both felt the same. But you need to know whether you’ll just end up resenting him, and I suspect that’s more likely if he’s not prepared to up and get the snip.

Perhaps what you need is couple’s counselling to explore this?

He can't insist on this

Your son will have more financially but will miss out on having a sibling. Does your dh have siblings? If so, does he value that experience?

I would definitely be clear that the person who doesn't want another child bears the responsibility for contraception

It doesn't cost THAT much money to have a baby!

OK one year of not having your salary. Sure. But it's a man's job to support his wife when she's having his children, old fashioned I'm sorry but it is.

As an aside - vasectomies don't hurt for 99% of men. My husband was the 1% and he says it was very painful. Who cares though, it can't have been as bad as childbirth or if you added up all my periods over the years!

I'd personally definitely come off the pill if I were you. Tell him you've taken responsibility so far, he can take responsibility for the rest of your fertile years.