To find it hard to care about men's issues

It doesn't matter how much I as a woman may or may not care about issues that affect men, I can't and won't fix them for them

only solutions developed by and for men will work long term and I assume long term sustainable change is the goal here

so eg male violence which affects men and women needs to be solved by men. They need to propose the solutions and persuade society/politicians/media that these will work

I can believe there’s evidence that for the small minority of women in our society who have a strong gender preference before their child is born, more of them want girls than boys. Quite likely the opposite for dads.
I don’t believe there’s any evidence at all that this translates into less love or poor parenting when the baby’s born. In fact, as someone pointed out already, the opposite can be true and that mothers and fathers who want a ‘mini-me’ can be less accommodating of their same-sex child’s actual personality and desires.
Also aren’t women who are concerned about the patriarchy, male violence etc. actually less likely to bring up men who struggle to cope with women’s equality and feel they have to hide their feelings? And therefore their sons are less likely to have these problems.
They’re certainly not telling their sons “I wished you were a girl, but you’re a boy, you loser, so you’re inherently violent and untrustworthy”!

Men need to figure this out fast or there's a backlash and it gets worse for women again. So YABU for self interested reasons

Blimey An attractive man married to a short ugly poor woman? How would that sound to you? 🙄People thankfully don’t always choose their partners for looks or money you know.

I work with violent men. I have spoken to them for years so no direct experience of being a man but many years of unpicking their behaviour.

Violence is a response, not an emotion. Anger is a feeling as a response to another feeling, I.e they get angry because they feel another emotion they don’t acknowledge in the moment. You are correct that it seems instant, because it is. That does not mean it comes from nowhere. People become angry because they dislike another feeling behind it.

I voted YANBU because I don’t think the things your brother mentioned are actually problems - they are things men are raising to try to maintain their privilege.

All the things you’ve said you do care about- men’s mental health / suicide, prostrate cancer etc - those are actual issues and I also do care about those!

what are the statistics on male suicide? do we know? 1 a week? 10? 50?

and yet the same applies to men.
Every single one of them came out of a woman.

And yet and yet - they have all the power and make so many women's lives miserable.

When they start working on themselves - seriously - i will start to give a tiny shiny shit.

Well on the face of it, if you appear to be a man, you will benefit from male privilege. You can compromise your male privilege by not fulfilling the stereotypes of a man. So, for instance, if you like ballet and hete football, you will lose some unless you can regain it with other manly attributes ("but look at the ballet dancer's chiseled abs").

I voted YABU. Men and women need to get on together in the world. It is in our best interests to care about men. Our sons matter. Our husbands and fathers and brothers matter.

I read a really eye opening article the other day by a teenage boy who said if you put the world 'masculinity' into Google, the first few search links are all coupled with the word 'toxic'. As if the words go naturally together. There is no other word that is so readily coupled with masculinity. That is a massive problem for us all. How do young men find their identity in a world where what they are - masculine - is immediately twinned with toxic? And where the loudest voices on how a man should be come from the manosphere?

We need noisy, healthy discussions on healthy masculinity on heroic masculinity, on responsibility and maturity and the confidence to be gentle or quiet or skinny or artistic - all as iterations of very normal masculinity.

And we need to be aware that amoral techbros are forcefeeding young men very unhealthy narratives and images about sex and women via endless porn. This affects us all. It has to stop.

Because they get to look good by comparison. The high profile appalling behaviour of some of them means that any who aren't that bad get their mediocrity elevated to excellence, so they don't have to try nearly as hard as women to earn the accolade of 'good'.
Also, at a personal level, the fear created by the threat of bad men keeps women overly dependent on good ones and restricts our participation in the world in general leaving the way clearer for them.
Example if women are reluctant to work in a particular industry because bad men treat them in a sexist way, there is less competition in that space for 'good men' to rise.

Angry at once again, having another 'to do' on our list. Not angry like the men during the upcoming football, who'll use it as a reason to be violent towards their partners and children. We are allowed to be angry, they can't put us in asylums, anymore, for speaking too often.
I don't understand why men don't understand were they fit in. The mines, our agricultural society, building your own house, tending to your horse, fighting battles for his lordship, even the merchant navy (as it was) ended quite a while ago. I understand people saying that during my childhood of the 70's, but not now. Want to not be loney? Stop being a selfish twat and engage with your family and community. The key to good mental health is connection and belonging.

Where to begin.
Women that are afraid to go out after dark don’t go out after dark therefore jobs that provide opportunities to go into unsafe situations created by other men are only available to those not afraid of the perceived risk.
When you see very attractive women married to ugly short poor men, something has happened to that woman in her past that has made her choose a safe option rather than her equal.
When women see other women trapped in terrible marriages who leave and escape and are then tortured by the Misogynistic Legal system as the courts are weaponised against her and her children that act as a deterrent to other women to leave poor situations.
Again, when an educated intelligent woman climbs the corporate ladder. And doesn’t conform to society’s versions of success by marrying and having children that’s used by men to deter other females from following the same path.
I actually heard a female police officer being called a lesbian and a man hater and then one of them said nobody will marry her To teach her a lesson that she should end up alone for her success.
Absolutely pathetic beings some of them

The research is up and if you have access to academic databases, you can see prepublications.

The worst people are overwhelmingly men? That’s discrimination tbf. Imagine if someone said that about women?

Ah, the crystal ball approach to research. Will wait a couple of years for that then.
Meanwhile, how does this new trend of baby boy hating tie in with issues impacting adult men today?
Because the men facing issues now were born and raised before this apparant trend came about.

It's not that I don't care about men's issues. I just cannot stand this expectation that women will fix mens issues for them.

I see a lot of men complain that mens problems are ignored because women have more social and support groups and men don't have that. Maybe men need to get off their bums and create their own groups instead of expecting women to do everything.

No ive read a lot of research about it over 5 years. Its all online. Western women dont want boy babies.

How so? Everyone in society, men and women, suffers massively from the behaviour of the worst 30%,10%, 2%. Those worst people are overwhelmingly men. But I don’t see wow the median man (or the ‘good’ man, if you don’t want to classify the median man as good) benefits from sharing society with those highly destructive, costly, corrosive people at the bottom.

Well OK but I'm assuming you're a woman and we don't really know what it's like to have a man's tendency towards violence.

I'm trying to put myself in his shoes - what would it be like to be quick to anger, and to have to deal with an immediate response to put my fist through a wall (or someone's face) when things don't go my way.

I don't really know what you mean by 'secondary emotion'. For women maybe yes, but what I've seen in men (those who haven't learned to repress their responses) is that anger and violence is very much a primary emotion for them - it's the first thing they experience in the moment, not the second.

Gosh I think if you posted on mumsnet about being disappointed a baby wasn’t a boy you’d get flamed by alot of the posters here.

Its only as simple as that if you read one article that confirms your bias and ignore all other research into the reasons some women want a sane sex child.

Yes, we do want you to pull out the research.
Thank you so much for giving us the opportunity to discredit it before we’re aware as to what actual research you think you are in possession of
I take it that you’re not in any sort of profession That requires research, Otherwise, you would know you have to present the argument first for it to be refuted 🥴

The benefits outweigh the damage. All men benefit from the behaviour of bad men never forget that.

Do you want me to pull out all the research or do you want to go and find it yourself so you are actually part of your own education? How do you think you will feel when I pull it out and it is as I said? You seeking it gives you the chance to pull out contradictory evidence.