Partner paid for girls online

Sorry OP but I would have left the moment I found out. It’s so disrespectful to your relationship, and speaks of a greater disrespect towards women. This is who he is, and it won’t change.

I think you know what you need to do but you don't seem to want to face up to it.

I'm glad you have separate finances Op because this man can't be trusted with money or access to porn. He's let you down so badly three times,now he wants you to forgive and forget but that's not going to happen- you might forgive but you'll never forget

An addiction is an illness. I don't think he's got a disease. Unless he's like Jez from Peepshow.. 'I have a wanking disease!!!' 🤣

Seriously though. Just leave him. He doesn't care about your boundaries and is never ever going to change. He's taking money from out of your children's mouths to spend on strangers who are prossies.

You and your children deserve better.

Could cocaine be in the mix?

I voted you were being unreasonable because you should’ve dumped this loser by now.

im Sorry to say it but his behaviour will never stop he will just get sneakier.

It’s not just his money - it’s family money. He’s taking money for his addiction that could be going towards your future as a family. If you can’t trust him what is the point of being with him? What else is he lying about?

Why are you staying with him?

Not advising you on what to do, but it certainly sounds like it could be sex addiction behaviour.

I highly recommend S-anon as support for yourself. It's been a lifesaver for me. Just Google S-anon to find out more.

Wishing you all the best and so sorry you're in this horrible situation .

He's not bringing much to the party is he
You'd be better off without loser boy.

Don’t end up like me. I stayed twice (well actually I stayed because it’s my house) but I should have insisted he stayed gone and changed the locks. You won’t get over it fully. It’s been 5 years since the 1st time and 2.5 years since the 2nd time and sometimes when I think about having sex with him I think ‘nah, you wanted to look at someone else while I was downstairs looking after our kids didn’t you?’ That’s not normal. I don’t even look to see if he does it now (probs does and even if he doesn’t I will never believe him) because I don’t actually care and I wish he would leave. So yeah, go now while you can, I doubt he’ll change.

This won't stop. He also can't possibly love you if hes doing this.

What do expect people to say?

I’m sorry OP, but have you no self-respect? How can you let a man treat you like this?

I do get frustrated with the sheer amount of weak-willed women who tolerate these waste of space men. Do you think so little of yourself??

Why are you still putting up with this behaviour? Let alone having a 2nd child with him?
If you are financially independent leave asap.

Sorry you are going through this.

The thing that stood out to me was this:

“I've told him point blank he's out if he pulls any of that ever again.”

but if he’s done this twice and you have take him back, is he really going to take this threat seriously?

I personally couldn’t live with this on my mind every day. peace of mind is invaluable. I’d leave (easier said than done I know)

Why have you not left already?! You have said you have your own financial independence, he is a waste of space that has made promises multiple times that he has broken, and that’s let alone his actual behaviour which is grim. Know. Your. Worth. 🙄

So he spent money on women online to watch them perform sex acts? Money that he could have been spending on his children. He spent so much money that he is now in debt. Have I got that correct?

OP you’ve said in updates that you have separate money and that you can afford to be on your own. I think that helps you leave and it’s ducks in a row time.

It’s a MN classic but you definitely deserve better than this creep. He’s disrespecting you (massively) and the women he’s buying.

Please leave. You and your children deserve better than this. And there are good men out there.

He's ruined two pregnancies for you which should be about showing you he loves you at your most vulnerable. I'd find this unforgivable. It's causing you a lot of pain clearly. Get rid of him xxx

It probably does cross into that with the arguments etc, fair enough.

But this is a sort of emotional abuse surely.

Exactly this. I read something along the lines of ‘You’re only a victim once. After that you’re a volunteer’ and it applies here.

Emphasising that I would never use that phrase if there was DV or physical abuse of any sort.

If it's not cheating if the woman's consent is purchased, how far is he allowed to go? 1:1 sexual chatting which for the price presumably allows him a happy ending online is cheating.

Relationships can recover from cheating with accountability and hard work from the cheating partner. "Get over it or you'll ruin us " is not accountability. If you want a happy relationship with someone who respects you, you have to refuse to be in one where you're not respected. Maybe he ends up growing up and you get back together. Maybe by that stage you're happy without him. But you can't just get over this.