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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish DS had pursued a more lucrative branch of law

269 replies

Calypos · 09/01/2026 13:58

My DS is 28, I'm well aware he is an adult, he can do what he wishes and his happiness is paramount. He did his undergrad in International Relations and Politics and his since gone down the law path and is 2 years PQE. He opted for civil liberties law, his justification was he felt no passion elsewhere. He is incredibly intelligent.
The issue I have is for the work he does I feel he is underpaid especially when you compare to other solicitors in London or those in finance/consultancy. He could have taken a different path but chose not to. His long term gf is similar, incredibly intelligent but works in a relatively low paying career as she is passion about it.
They do have some fallback in that she inherited from her grandparents and was able to buy a flat without a mortgage, but I do often wonder how they will be able to afford a family home, raising children etc. I am aware that he still has room to grow and could make a decent living, but I can't help but look at my friends ho have children in consultancy or corporate law and think he is wasting his talents in a low paid role (comparatively). I understand there is probably a higher degree of job satisfaction but I feel panic for him.

AIBU to wish he had pursued something more lucrative and worry that the path he has chosen might burn him in the future?

OP posts:
Chiaseedling · 09/01/2026 16:36

My eldest DC did an art degree, I could only wish for a lower-paid legal eagle offspring.
Seriously though, they have to find their own path. Is he happy? Has he got good mental/physical health. Good friends? They are the more important things.

SwirlyGates · 09/01/2026 16:35

28 and no mortgage? I can't find any sympathy for his "low" pay, whatever that is.

MissDoubleU · 09/01/2026 16:35

Why do you value his earning potential over his long term happiness and job satisfaction?

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 09/01/2026 16:34

How have you got to the point where you feel disappointed and panicky that your son is succeeding and productive, and living happily? That's madness, try to stop thinking about it.

Muddywelliescleansocks · 09/01/2026 16:33

Haven’t had chance to read whole thread so apologies in advance. I started out as a lawyer with a social conscience. The best years of my career, most fun, most impactful on the lives of others and society in general, mentally stretching etc. wouldn’t change it for the world. Became a real expert in my field. Various family factors meant I had to up my income and all that poorly financially paid work helped me move to a similar area of law and I’m now well paid at a respected firm working for corporate clients. When DC through school will hopefully return to my most rewarding area of law. Your son can do the same IF he decides he needs more income or can be the lucky one with the most fulfilling practice.

Skybluepinky · 09/01/2026 16:33

Not your circus not your monkeys, he loves his job so it’s none of your business.

X123x321X · 09/01/2026 16:30

He spends his days doing something that's important to him. I'm sure he can find his own way in life.

Comtesse · 09/01/2026 16:28

MasterBeth · 09/01/2026 15:56

Gutted for you that you have raised such a failure.

Yup boo hoo ….

nondrinker1985 · 09/01/2026 16:27

Nobody wants the stress of law that you’re suggesting it ruins people and relationships with the stress, do what you love and love what you do. Trust me I’m living it

DisforDarkChocolate · 09/01/2026 16:26

No mortgage
Solid career
Committed relationship.

Poor you, what a failure!!

Honestly, grow up. All the corporate lawyers I've ever met hated it and were burnt out early on in their career.

BalladOfBarryAndFreda · 09/01/2026 16:25

If you are worried about burn-out in your son's current field, you definitely wouldn't have wanted him in banking or corporate law, OP.

Dweetfidilove · 09/01/2026 16:22

@Calypos , I don't believe you said your son owns a property, but correct me if I'm wrong. I read that him living in that property is because he's in a relationship with a property owner.
If yes, I hope he's saving the money from not paying a mortgage, so he can some day own too.

I understand why you're worried. I'm in a low paying job and while I enjoy it, the bills need to be paid and it's a real stretch.

He doesn't need a lucrative career, but it wouldn't harm him to have a good paying one too; especially if they will indeed have a family. My daughter's expenses this month are ridiculous, and doesn't even include the basics. Life is expensive.

Calypos · 09/01/2026 16:22

MoFadaCromulent · 09/01/2026 16:21

She's a hippy do gooder with loads money, he needs to strike before she becomes too pragmatic

I absolutely do not want my son to take advantage of his girlfriend! How awful.

OP posts:
MoFadaCromulent · 09/01/2026 16:21

TFImBackIn · 09/01/2026 16:19

I don't know why people are saying he owns a flat. He doesn't. His girlfriend does and if they marry and if she has any sense, she will safeguard that.

She's a hippy do gooder with loads money, he needs to strike before she becomes too pragmatic

MagicStarrz · 09/01/2026 16:21

You seem very money focussed

PurpleThistle7 · 09/01/2026 16:20

MayaPinion · 09/01/2026 14:04

You’re unhappy that your son has a career in an area that excites and fulfils him and lives in a mortgage free London flat? Is nothing good enough for you?

Indeed

If he isn’t asking you for money and is happy what exactly is the problem? Is he decides he wants to prioritise money later he has options. Or he will live a perfectly nice life without being rich.

My daughter is aiming for a job that interests her and serves her community. I’m proud of her.

TFImBackIn · 09/01/2026 16:19

I don't know why people are saying he owns a flat. He doesn't. His girlfriend does and if they marry and if she has any sense, she will safeguard that.

Waitingfordoggo · 09/01/2026 16:17

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 09/01/2026 14:03

Well done for raising a young man who understands that there is more to life than money. Though it sounds like this was more by accident than design.

This.

I’d be beyond proud if either of my children was doing this. As it is, I very much doubt either of mine is going to make much money in life (not because they don’t have wonderful skills and talents to offer the world- just that their skills and passions are the sort that don’t tend to make people rich. I’m immensely proud of them nonetheless).

To get some perspective, I would recommend you watch Money Game 1, 2 and 3 on YouTube (by Ren- an incredibly talented and wise young musician).

Noshadelamp · 09/01/2026 16:15

I want to say "peak mumsnet" but feel like that is actually insulting to the rest of us.

drspouse · 09/01/2026 16:14

After graduation I did a PhD and a friend became a management consultant working 14 hour days. I know which one of us was happier.

My DB and I were also left money and I put mine towards a flat in London. I now no longer live in London (so my not-massive salary goes further) and we rent out that flat (so have even more income).

MoFadaCromulent · 09/01/2026 16:10

Just saw he's 28 and mortgage free.

Fuck getting a better paying job concentrate on getting him married 😂

Pennyfan · 09/01/2026 16:10

I think you have the wrong priorities tbh. He has a career which he loves, he sees as worthwhile and productive and he obviously has values which are different from just chasing the money. In other words, a son to be proud of. Will he be able to afford private education and second homes? Probably not, but he has purpose in life. And he has a career which will pay him enough.

You are too invested in what he should be doing and wanting to realise your dreams via him. You want to brag about his achievements to your friends. He has his own dreams. My son has just turned down a role in a gambling firm which was very well paid as he realised he just doesn’t want to work on that industry. My initial thought was that he was mad but then gave my head a wobble and am proud.

MoFadaCromulent · 09/01/2026 16:07

I left a similarly low paid sphere of law 5 years ago for a corporate job.

I regret my decision every day but and if we hadn't bought a bigger house I'd go back in a heart beat. I get no satisfaction from my work and dread it every day.

If he's happy be happy for him.

CeciliaMars · 09/01/2026 15:57

2 lawyers, who already own a mortgage free flat? I think they’ll manage somehow…

MasterBeth · 09/01/2026 15:56

Gutted for you that you have raised such a failure.

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