To wish DS had pursued a more lucrative branch of law

Your son will have his reasons. We tend to look at our parents lives and values. Sometimes we decide they're the right ones for us too, and will help us lead satisfying lives. Sometimes we look at them, and feel the opposite, so make very different choices from the ones they made or would have us make. Both are valid.

My ex was a City lawyer. He was very miserable and didn’t have time to enjoy his money - which wasn’t actually that good when we were together. Sure, he had earning potential but at what cost? Not saying this is the case for all doing his sort of job but it is known for burnout, I believe.

My dad is very similar to you OP. Your son will know he should have picked money over civil liberties and will thus always be a disappointment. The good news is he’s found a partner with similar purpose who is also fortunate enough to be mortgage free, so he can probably afford the therapy fees (even on his poor salary) when he battles if he goes into a more lucrative area or if he pushes himself to burnout to appease you.

Jeez, I'm right with you on this OP. Surprised that so many people think you're BU. Still plenty of time for him to realise that passion and commitment to the cause don't pay the bills.

I agree, I mean surely using your talents purely for self enrichment, than making the world a better place, is far more of a waste? 😊

I’ve worked in corporate law for 30 years I wouldn’t wish being a London lawyer in the finance or regulatory field on my worst enemy most of them have no souls.

You are being unreasonable; it rather sounds like you would like to boast about having a high-earning son, as if earning more would make him more successful. Looking at other people's kids and their earnings is kind of weird.

This is a shocking thing to say:

"I can't help but look at my friends ho have children in consultancy or corporate law and think he is wasting his talents."

Earnings do not necessarily correlate to 'talent' or to whether talent is used. He is already using his talents in a way he believes is the right route.

Your son and his partner chose what they feel makes them happy.

I would be bursting at the seams with pride if my son turns out like yours. Having done well academically, followed his passion into a career that helps others and didn't have any housing or real money worries. He sounds like a fantastic lad.

I would rather have my child living a happy, fulfilling life that gives him purpose, than slog and stress at something he hates for the bitter pursuit of wealth.

If that's all you've got to worry about I think you probably breathe a sigh of relief. Some people are desperate for a job, any job, and can barely afford to live in an HMO in Stafford. Never mind a free flat in central London?!

Jeez, count your blessings. An intelligent educated child , pursuing a career he is interested in. Tiny violin for you ! If the relative poor remuneration for his chosen career is your biggest worry, then you are incredibly fortunate and might do better conserving your anxiety for real problems that might turn up in due course.

Good for him. Civil liberties is a fantastic area to specialise in, and honestly? You can't build a career in law without at least some level of passion for your area of specialism. There are corporate / finance lawyers who love what they do, but an awful lot who went into it for the money and burnt out.

He will earn more as he gains experience, and if he is bright and in need of a fresh challenge in ten years, there are all sorts of things he can do - pick up a part time teaching role at a university, apply to the judiciary, move sideways into broader civil law etc.

Life is easier with money, there’s no doubt about it.

I often wonder whether I should be pushing my DC towards a good career or leave them to find their own way.

I have always focused on finding something that makes you happy, as you spend more time there than anywhere else.

But as I’m getting older I am wondering if I made a mistake. I really enjoy my job but it is crap money and always will be and if I’d done something different my life would be easier.

I understand your worry but I think your son sounds like he’s got a good head on his shoulders.
He has a decent career and a passion for his field - win:win.

I know many 30+ year olds who got a job in Tesco or McDonalds and just stayed put.
Nothing against those workers but they’re disposable careers.

Your DS will have so many open doors for him because of the choices he’s made.

Was he at Oxbridge?

Many area of commercial practice are extremely boring and extremely stressful at the same time, and the money doesn't not make up for it.

I work in house and get a huge variety of work, it's much more interesting, I feel like I really help people and I have a great deal of autonomy. Last time I worked in a law firm in my early 40s I was three stone heavier, I thought I was having a heart attack at one point but it was stress and anxiety, and I wanted to throw myself in front of a car so I could have some time off and a lie down and be looked after. I did end up being ill and having surgery, with endometriosis and PCOS.

I could go back to a law firm and get paid 50% more tomorrow. It's not all about earning the most money you possibly can, it's about having your health and happiness. Some jobs pay well because they are horrible and golden handcuffs. More solicitors want to change career than any other profession.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick- yes, I was going to mention the drugs. Cocaine is quite popular in those circles I think.

Be thankful he is thriving and happy - many many parents will not see their child or children achieve this and can only dream of it

Your son sounds amazing. Principles, bright, hard working, you must be really proud.

[Mine wants to go down the IR/Law route as well but he’s a greedy little gloryhunter so no doubt that he will be after cash and kudos and he fondly
imagines himself swanning about being vair important. Scruples would be nice.]

Snap! And agree completely

I wish I was passionate about the area of law I do. It's okay but I only became a solicitor because it was my dad's ambition for me and I couldn't think what else to do.

Good on your DS.

Gosh your DS could post "why didn't my parents pick better careers and earn more so that I can afford a family home"

And today's prize for the Mumsnet poster unconsciously revealing their deep shallowness goes to Calypso.

The lawyers in the top corporate law firms in London that I know all have no life outside law, find balancing relationships, work and family nearly impossible, and there is rampant sexism and drug taking to keep up with the hours. You're paid the big bucks but expected to drop your weekend plans and sleep in the office where needed. Lots of people end up leaving to work for a lower salary

It sounds like you’ve absolutely no idea of what civil liberty law involves but let me enlighten you a little bit, as someone who has worked in it. It involves advocating for the rights of vulnerable people, helping homeless people, people who have been wronged by public authorities, inquests, people whose lives have been changed forever by police misconduct, by social services failings, refugees, people who have suffered discrimination, people who have suffered life changing injuries, people who can’t pay for legal representation but desperately need it, people with severe mental illness, learning disabilities and trauma.

Your son is helping the most vulnerable members of society in this area of law. It’s social justice law. This area is actually dying because the government refused to fund it year after year. He’s doing a very noble and important and valued area of law. if you can’t see that, I think you are honestly materialistic and shallow.

It’s not your life though, is it OP?

My parents are like you OP...

They were marxists / active trade union officials as I grew up then background / unspoken disappointed I took my law degree, LPC into free representation across the years. I still bought a home, traveled etc...laughable when I was raised to despise the areas of law that would have pleased them...I guess for bragging rights