To wish DS had pursued a more lucrative branch of law

Some of us prefer peace and bit less money to long hours and more money.
And vice versa. Everyone is different and neither is some failure.

This is like that other weird post where the mother is upset because her daughter only has a Civil Service job, and not the "Philosophy-adjacent" job that some of her friends have managed to secure. For crying out loud, why can't people be proud of their kids when they have obviously achieved plenty and are making their way in the world?

I became a teacher, OP (my mother was absolutely thrilled, I should add). I expect you'd have been deeply disappointed. I worked in London for 15 years before moving north for my first headship. Partner (also a headteacher) and I were mortgage free after I'd been working for 18 years.

My mother remained absolutely thrilled by my achievements.

Your job is to support your child and be happy if they're happy.

your son is happy in role he enjoys, with significant upside. He can move at any point to other legal roles, and maybe he might decide to do so the it suits him and the writing is more on the wall about what he can and cannot afford. But in the meantime, for goodness sake, stop worrying! You'll quick sharp become a very irritating mother who they don't want around them

Yabu. I work in a top corporate law firm and although wealthy, the vast majority of young lawyers are so stressed that they are making themselves ill. They routinely work 12-14 hours a day 6 days a week. Not worth it, your DS has been sensible and there are still pathways to good salaries in less commercial legal areas.

They're happy and can afford the bills? That it winning at life.

He needs another job then?

He could still make Prime Minister...

The world would be a lot better place if more people share t**he same values as your son and his girlfriend.

They have decent careers that make them happy and will pay the bills. They may not be able to afford designer clothes, luxury holidays, a big house and new cars when/if they have children, but for many people, being in a job they enjoy but having fewer luxuries will be much better for their wellbeing than a job they hate with extra money for luxuries. Are you sure this isn't more to do with you wanting to keep up with your friends in bragging about DCs possessions rather than a genuine worry for your DC? Most parents would be incredibly proud of what your DC is doing.

I did “big law” in London (a niche type of commercial litigation) for many years. For those very lucrative jobs, you work a minimum of 50 hours a week, you never make plans for weekday evenings as you wouldn’t leave the office before 8pm on a good day and anything could come up at any moment that means you are there until 10pm or much later. You are expected to drop any personal plans on weekends if the client wants something and once I was about 5 years qualified I never had a holiday that wasn’t interrupted by conference calls, reviewing documents, answering emails, etc. You work harder and harder as you get more senior and strive for partnership, which only a tiny fraction of people get and most firms are “up or out” so you are left in your mid 30s looking for a new job and you won’t find one that pays what you were earning before. Many people’s relationships split up, and it’s absolutely rotten once you have kids.

I can pretty much guarantee that if your son had one of those jobs, you would be posting about how worried you are about how hard he is working, how he never gets any downtime, doesn’t exercise so his health isn’t great, how his relationship with his lovely girlfriend is in trouble because he is so stressed all the time, how he missed grannie’s birthday (or whatever), and how although he earns a lot it just isn’t worth it.

grass is already ways greener!!!

But talented nonetheless ❤️

This. That is all I could want from my kids not what job they had.

Not everyone can be a management consultant or corporate lawyer. I know quite a few and some of them like it but some are miserable with the long hours and pressure.

Your child is 28. Let go! Stop comparing him to your friends kids!

Fancy having a mortgage-free flat in London and an impressive professional career at the age of 28. I can see why you are sooooo disappointed.

Sounds like you are more concerned about how he stacks up to your friends in terms of material gain rather than, y'know, him actually being happy.

Poor kid.

They are mortgage free in London in professional jobs, yes they will be able to afford life and kids.

we are all going to be working an awfully long time, doing something you enjoy is a huge win.

Criminal law here. We work longer hours under an insane amount of pressure for a small fraction of the money of those in corporate law.. it's depressing how little publicity funded law is paid and respected.

He’s a grown man it’s absolutely nothing to do with you, he’s working and doing something he’s interested in, as is his girlfriend. There are a lot of problems in the world but this isn’t one of them, let them get on with it and mind your own business.

His girlfriend bought the flat. It doesn't belong to him so its great that he doesn't have to pay rent, but it's not his flat.

I feel like "panic" is a huge overstatement here. Is your DS panicking?

My DH does the sort of role I think you wish your DS went into. First, a lot of very intelligent people don't succeed in getting these jobs. It is immensely competitive (DH thinks he wouldn't be hired today). So it's not certain that son definitely could have gone down this path. Also, it is brutal. The colleagues that stick it either enjoy it at an intellectual level (DH) or they have a lifestyle that requires the money and hate it. I don't think that's a life you want for your DS.

Lots of people raise children in London flats. Or they can sell that flat and move out of London. Or maybe he'll break up with that woman and marry a banker. You just don't know what the future holds. I strongly think if it wasn't this you were worrying over, it would be some other aspect of his life - is this a pattern for you?

I think I’d be grateful that
a) My child was intelligent, smart and caring
b) He and his partner have fulfilling careers
c) They don’t base their worth and value to society on their monetary value
d) They are happy doing what they’re doing.

Of course it’s expensive to have property in London. Even high earners struggle with prices there. They may wish to move elsewhere in the future, if they want a bigger property or a family.

Presumably, they both know what they’re doing and why they’re doing it. If you place a person’s worth on how much they earn and their material goods, you’ll often be disappointed.

Speaking as a solicitor who specialised in Family law.... you are totally UR. Law is difficult, unforgiving and actually not as lucrative for the vast majority as you might imagine. If he is in an area he loves and is actually being paid for it, then he's already ahead of most other lawyers around- and probably ahead of many of his peers.

Besides- it gives him so many opportunities - lawyers have a high burnout rate. His specialism means he has the opportunity to work in the civil service; in international organisations; anywhere.

He has a job he loves. His GF has a job she loves. She/they have a measure of financial security and a foot on the housing ladder. He's already winning at life.

I think it’s much more important to have values and happiness in life. My DDs are the same age and will earn far, far less than your son. One is a dancer and the other works for a charity, having a first class degree and a master’s from a top university. Your son is in a great position with a mortgage-free flat and a nice girlfriend.

Well, they can surely move if and when the time comes. I was able to pay off my mortgage before 40 but there are always other, ever increasing costs associated with daily living. It doesn’t mean that I (and your son) are not in a fortunate position.

i assume you recognise the need for lawyers working in the area your son has chosen? Because if so, your complaint sounds a bit NIMBY.