Brother shouted at me to control my child

You can say no firmly without shouting then physically intervene, you also need to have eyes in the back of your head and predict what they are about to do and redirect. I’ve personally noticed a decline in this form of parenting (which we all did 25 years ago) over time especially the unwillingness to say no with meaning, or at all if I’m honest - I host a play group so I’m very familiar with current practices including child minders not intervening and us organisers having to separate children, stop them from doing unsuitable behaviours etc.

now obviously i wasn’t there op and I do think your brother is in for a shock, ornaments in reaching distance are definitely not a good idea! But do think about how passive you sound, im just wondering if he picked up on what I see at playgroup, a half hearted don’t do that

Oh dear. Your brother was being a bit stressy and intolerant, but really it's on us as parents to anticipate where reasonably foreseeable the damage that our children might do and head them off at the pass.

There's a reason why I don't hang out with my two little barbarians at the National Gallery very often. And why I wouldn't feed them ketchup-covered chips in a carpeted area.

This!
I wouldn’t want a child with ketchup hands touching my stuff and parent doing nothing. And yes I have small kids.

Is it not “a shame” that a grown man lost his cool and shouted at his sister in front of her small child?

Or is it only women who are expected to suck up shitty behaviour and keep the peace?

People have less tolerance for other people’s children doing stuff than they do their own, your brother is probably tired, stressed…perhaps just like you may be. He also probably has no idea how hard it is to control an 18 month old who not actually being naughty just doing something an adult doesn’t like.

feels like a massive overreaction from both sides to be honest

1. you gave a baby Chips and ketchup for dinner?
2. you gave him ketchup in a room with carpet?

YABU on both counts

I think this is a reverse I can’t believe someone would do this.

I think 18 month olds are generally known to be messy eaters and to try to grab everything in sight.

So, with that in mind, going to a house that is not set up for a child of this age, I would have brought easy to eat , minimum of mess food and/or mats and catch all bibs. And moved any breakables out of reach.

Yes, your brother was overreacting, but I understand why and it could easily have been prevented.

Your brother sounds uptight, he will clearly struggle with the toddler phase himself. When dd1 was about 14 months she knocked a whole bowl of tomato pasta off her high chair tray which splatted against the wall paper. Never did get the orange stain out!!

that said I’d have probably kept the toddler on my lap to eat if no high chair and I’d have taken the ornament off him the first time and put it out of his reach so he couldn’t get it again.

so our brother is upright but you could have probably tried a bit harder.

Yeah he'll definitely be in for a shock as his DD grows, one of my brother's was similar, always putting me down making me feel like my choices were wrong. Then when his kids were climbing all over the place wrecking everything no one could say anything to him or them but I always reminded him.

His house isn't child proof, you could carry the contents of your house and still miss something, the best thing to do when someone is house proud and gets upset over a small chip with ketchup falling on a carpet (who has carpet under a dining table) which can be easily cleaned and who is protective over his ornaments is to meet up outside. His house will be hard floors and ornament free in a few months.

YABU about the food, don’t bring messy food to someone else’s house where there’s carpet and without brining a travel chair and floor mat. And why the need to bring chips and ketchup for an 18 month old baby in the first place? Surely he just eats what you all eat or something baby friendly.

He is bu about the ornament, it should just have been removed quietly out of DCs reach.

He will learn.

He'd be 100% correct if you were just saying no, no to an 18 month old as you sat and watched him pick stuff up and wave ketchupy chips around but from what you say that's not the case, so your brother is being a bit of a tit and in a year or so you can do the whole smug thing as he chases a toddler round.

You were removing the stuff while saying no. Thats what you do at that age.

The only thing you could have done differently was shadow your child and when he reached out for stuff, intercept it.

I wouldn't give my toddler ketchup on someone else's carpets, that was a bit thoughtless. Your brother is probably quite stressed with a young baby and having a toddler around who seems out of control would've put him on high alert. You are also right that he doesn't really understand how challenging toddlers can be and he probably would have been more understanding if he had experience of parenting a toddler.
I think it's just one of them things where you didn't act in the best way and neither did your brother. I think you need to just put it behind you and move on.

I'm with your brother on this. You could have picked your child up and removed him from the ornament while saying no.

If he was eating without a high chair round someone else's house, you could have kept him on your lap while he ate.

Saying you can't control an 18 month child is bullshit and is just an excuse for lazy parenting. You owe your brother an apology.

You're being unreasonable to be "deeply offended" and for feeding an 18 month old chips with ketchup for their dinner

Your brother has unrealistic expectations of a very young toddler, probably due to lack of experience. His house also doesn't seem like it's been adjusted for a mobile toddler. He was wrong to criticise your approach to the situation, and imo also wrong about how you handled the ornament situation. Although, there are probably things you could have planned that would have managed the situation, with the benefit of hindsight. You can get travel high chairs so you can properly set up to feed your child, and I would also have checked beforehand if it was ok to feed him in a carpeted room.

I actually wouldn't tell a tiny child that picking up an object is naughty, he isn't being naughty, just curious. I would just have intercepted and distracted each time he showed interest in the ornaments.

tbh I would absolutely not be giving an 18 month old ketchup in someone else’s house especially if they have carpet and no feeding equipment with a toddler (bibs high hairs etc) that was completely preventable and foreseeable. Keep the messy food for your own house. The control your kid comment, yeah he was probably unreasonable but it’s hard to say from your description of you were being a bit of a wet blanket.

I don’t think you were BU to leave at all.

I wouldn’t tolerate someone shouting at me about my child, in front of my child.

In fact, I wouldn’t tolerate another adult shouting at me full stop.

I don’t know why posters are trying to make you think this is something that you should tolerate. Who cares if he is sleep deprived, or if your 18 month old dropped a fucking chip.

I wouldn’t be seeing him for a while.

There is a reason most people have high chairs, floor mats and bibs so ketchup on the carpet should’ve been foreseen by one of you. I assume you are not very close with your brother or his house would’ve been a bit more childproofed for your visits and he would’ve got involved with redirecting his nephew or taking the ornament away. But his actual words do make him sound like a dick

“Here let me put that out of reach” would be the better response

“controlling” - small children are to be controlled? at all times? Around everything?

I mean he won’t have the same issues with daughter because as she gets on the move they will naturally make their house child friendly

I would have done what you did @Pumpkin101358 firmly and politely removed myself and child with a mental note to only go back after a conversation about expectations of behaviour on all sides.

What’s the situation with the ketchup? Did they have it on their table or did you bring it with you?

I think letting a toddler dip chips into ketchup on a carpeted floor is an easily predictable accident waiting to happen. And one they themselves will probably learn themselves in due course if not already.

Two sides, I wouldn't be feeding ketchup to a child on a carpet that wasn't mine. I can understand why he was pissed off. Saying no,no to a toddler won't work you need to be up and behind them and ready to distract and scan the room for anything they will grab next.

On the other hand,his time will come when his baby is older 😂

Your brother sounds like a dick.

I remember how big a toddler seems when you only have a baby, but a adult should be able to manage their emotions without shouting.

I’d be annoyed if your toddler dropped chips with ketchup on the carpet but what PPs have said. YABU for walking out.