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AIBU?

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Brother shouted at me to control my child

137 replies

Pumpkin101358 · 09/01/2026 13:10

myself and son (18 months) went to visit my brother at his home with his partner and their 4 month old daughter, I brought my son up some dinner to eat as it was dinner time and I understand they probably won’t have much for an 18mo to eat as they baby is still bottle fed… So I sat my son down with his dinner (no Highchair to use so I was doing my best) and he got up with his chip which he had just dipped in ketchup and he dropped the chip onto the carpet and ofcourse a small amount of ketchup went onto the carpet. I offered to clean it up but my brother had already got something and cleaned the area straight away. I could see my brother looking a bit cross at my son but nothing came of it until my son grabbed a small ornament (that was within easy reach) to which I took it straight off of him and firmly said ‘no we do not touch that, it’s naughty’
then my son went to grab it again to which my brother shouted ‘control your kid’
my answer was ‘ I am trying to in the way I think is best’
his response was
‘well just saying ‘no, no’ that’s not controlling him is it’
to which I was deeply offended and tbh quite embarrassed so I said ‘do you know what, we are going’ I also said ‘you’ll understand when your daughter is his age and you just can’t control an 18 month old child…’ and got our belongings and left…

was this unreasonable? Or have I a right to have reacted this way? I am unsure because we were in his home but in the same respect I was so offended he would question my way of parenting and basically say my toddler is out of control.
My child is 1 and a half, has no impulse control yet and what he did wasn’t ignored but I am not going to shout at a toddler who doesn’t fully understand??

thanks in advance

OP posts:
ItsameLuigi · 09/01/2026 15:48

SilenceInside · 09/01/2026 13:36

Your brother has unrealistic expectations of a very young toddler, probably due to lack of experience. His house also doesn't seem like it's been adjusted for a mobile toddler. He was wrong to criticise your approach to the situation, and imo also wrong about how you handled the ornament situation. Although, there are probably things you could have planned that would have managed the situation, with the benefit of hindsight. You can get travel high chairs so you can properly set up to feed your child, and I would also have checked beforehand if it was ok to feed him in a carpeted room.

I actually wouldn't tell a tiny child that picking up an object is naughty, he isn't being naughty, just curious. I would just have intercepted and distracted each time he showed interest in the ornaments.

Came to say the same. "That's not for you to touch as it's delicate, let's go find one of your toys to play with' would be how id redirect the child. Obviously whilst picking them up and moving them

Barrenfieldoffucks · 09/01/2026 15:11

dairydebris · 09/01/2026 15:00

The OP was literally asking if she'd been unreasonable.
Anyone feeding a 1 year old their very own emergency chips with ketchup over someone else's carpet is being unreasonable and you'll never ever convince me otherwise.

Agreed. He was intolerant, but you don't feed your toddler chips with ketchup on a sofa/carpet. Would you do that in your own home?

Surely he could have had a snack or something fruit or crackers or something?

I would have looked a little pissed off if you'd done that, and I'm not a show home owner...it's very thoughtless.

Luckyingame · 09/01/2026 15:08

dairydebris · 09/01/2026 15:00

The OP was literally asking if she'd been unreasonable.
Anyone feeding a 1 year old their very own emergency chips with ketchup over someone else's carpet is being unreasonable and you'll never ever convince me otherwise.

Yes.
Nothing else to add.

dairydebris · 09/01/2026 15:00

AudHvamm · 09/01/2026 14:40

Have now rtft - the commentary on chips is smug and judgemental. This is an 18 month old, not a tiny baby.

The OP was literally asking if she'd been unreasonable.
Anyone feeding a 1 year old their very own emergency chips with ketchup over someone else's carpet is being unreasonable and you'll never ever convince me otherwise.

AudHvamm · 09/01/2026 14:40

Have now rtft - the commentary on chips is smug and judgemental. This is an 18 month old, not a tiny baby.

dairydebris · 09/01/2026 14:22

Sanasaaa · 09/01/2026 14:18

🚨Emergency Chips🚨

Exactly. Emergency Chips dont require ketchup, but do require lots of salt. Which travels better. Neenah.

AudHvamm · 09/01/2026 14:20

SkelatorIamNot · 09/01/2026 13:14

there are two sides to this

A) he doesn’t know how willful and non compliant a toddler can be and he will be in for a shock when his daughter is older.

B) there is nothing more annoying than a parent just saying No, weakly and not actually intervening in their child’s behaviour.

I don’t know which situation this one from your post so impossible to vote if YABU

She says she took the ornament straight from her son. That's intervening in an appropriate way, not ineffectual.

OP, you weren't in the wrong and I think it was good to have a clear boundary with your brother. He may be just tired, overwhelmed and more irritable with a relatively young baby. But ime of someone who behaved like this towards my toddler, they were seriously struggling and this was a way for them to vent and control their own insecurities, and unfortunately it took.me a while to recognise that and put distance between them and my child.

Sanasaaa · 09/01/2026 14:18

dairydebris · 09/01/2026 14:03

Not given a 1 year old chips with ketchup over a carpet? I mean, chips without ketchup in an emergency?

🚨Emergency Chips🚨

RafaistheKingofClay · 09/01/2026 14:18

TheMorgenmuffel · 09/01/2026 13:44

He'd be 100% correct if you were just saying no, no to an 18 month old as you sat and watched him pick stuff up and wave ketchupy chips around but from what you say that's not the case, so your brother is being a bit of a tit and in a year or so you can do the whole smug thing as he chases a toddler round.

You were removing the stuff while saying no. Thats what you do at that age.

The only thing you could have done differently was shadow your child and when he reached out for stuff, intercept it.

This. But with the additional caveat that I think a lot of people who were expecting a toddler around as a visitor might have moved ornaments in reach that they didn’t want touched before the toddler arrived. That he didn’t do those is probably because he’s inexperienced and you will probably find that this sorts itself out in a few months when his baby is mobile and pulling herself up on everything.

ImFineItsAllFine · 09/01/2026 14:15

I mean yes, he's naive and going to get a shock when his daughter becomes a toddler.

But I'm another one who would never give my toddler ketchup near someone else's carpet. And we always took a highchair with us unless we knew for a fact there'd be one available.

With the ornament, great to take it straight off him but then surely put it out of reach, rather than right back where he can get it again!

Allswellthatendswelll · 09/01/2026 14:11

Just wait a year and then sit back and enjoy OP! Until then I wouldn't go round to theirs I'd meet elsewhere.

It's totally OTT for an adult to yell at another adult over anything other than immediate danger to a child imo and shows very poor self regulation.

dairydebris · 09/01/2026 14:08

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 09/01/2026 14:05

And let him get up and wander off while eating it!

If this is ragebait its working

Overthebow · 09/01/2026 14:08

SchoolDilemma17 · 09/01/2026 13:59

The funniest line about the original post is that OP thought they wouldn’t have appropriate food for her son so she brought ketchup and chips!

Yes this.

SpaceRaccoon · 09/01/2026 14:07

If someone fed their 18 month chips with ketchup over my cream carpet I would not be amused.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 09/01/2026 14:05

dairydebris · 09/01/2026 14:03

Not given a 1 year old chips with ketchup over a carpet? I mean, chips without ketchup in an emergency?

And let him get up and wander off while eating it!

B1anche · 09/01/2026 14:04

THisbackwithavengeance · 09/01/2026 14:01

What are you on about? She literally took the ornament off her toddler straight away! Her toddler dropped a chip!

How on earth could she have parented better?
🤷‍♀️

You have literally quoted my post which explains how I would have parented better!

dairydebris · 09/01/2026 14:03

THisbackwithavengeance · 09/01/2026 14:01

What are you on about? She literally took the ornament off her toddler straight away! Her toddler dropped a chip!

How on earth could she have parented better?
🤷‍♀️

Not given a 1 year old chips with ketchup over a carpet? I mean, chips without ketchup in an emergency?

Celestialmoods · 09/01/2026 14:02

A toddler shouldn’t be wandering around a carpeted home with child and ketchup. I’d be pissed off
with you for allowing that too, and then would have had little patience for much else.

B1anche · 09/01/2026 14:02

SchoolDilemma17 · 09/01/2026 13:55

This!
I wouldn’t want a child with ketchup hands touching my stuff and parent doing nothing. And yes I have small kids.

I learned the hard way at a music group for babies / toddlers. Mine kept wandering off to look at other things in the room, and I said to the teacher "Oh sorry, but you can't reason with such a young child." She snapped back "you don't need to reason with them. Just remove them from what they're doing. How else do you think they will learn?". I was hugely embarrassed at the time but she was right, and that is what I did from then on!

THisbackwithavengeance · 09/01/2026 14:01

B1anche · 09/01/2026 13:41

I'm with your brother on this. You could have picked your child up and removed him from the ornament while saying no.

If he was eating without a high chair round someone else's house, you could have kept him on your lap while he ate.

Saying you can't control an 18 month child is bullshit and is just an excuse for lazy parenting. You owe your brother an apology.

Edited

What are you on about? She literally took the ornament off her toddler straight away! Her toddler dropped a chip!

How on earth could she have parented better?
🤷‍♀️

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 09/01/2026 14:00

Chips and ketchup for an 18 month old, on a carpet in someone else’s house is amazing, this can’t be real?

mamajong · 09/01/2026 14:00

SkelatorIamNot · 09/01/2026 13:14

there are two sides to this

A) he doesn’t know how willful and non compliant a toddler can be and he will be in for a shock when his daughter is older.

B) there is nothing more annoying than a parent just saying No, weakly and not actually intervening in their child’s behaviour.

I don’t know which situation this one from your post so impossible to vote if YABU

This

Rhaidimiddim · 09/01/2026 13:59

Your brother is clueless. With a bad temper.
You did the right thing.

dairydebris · 09/01/2026 13:59

Cant get past giving a 1 year old ketchup while eating over a carpet tbh.

So many questions. Why? Why was there a carpet under a dining table? Were you feeding your child ketchup in the living room? Are you actually carrying ketchup and chips around with you? Couldn't you just give your kid what they eat? Do they all eat over a carpet?

I'm team brother I'm afraid.

SchoolDilemma17 · 09/01/2026 13:59

The funniest line about the original post is that OP thought they wouldn’t have appropriate food for her son so she brought ketchup and chips!

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