Thoughts on this please. Feeling guilty.

Do it!

I had a day off to myself while DC1 was in nursery and it was so good for my MH. Much harder when i had DC2 and lost that day. It’s important to continue to think of yourself and remember that you also matter.

You will miss her once she is at school.

If she enjoys nursery I'd send her in.

She’d be actually doing something fun and educational rather than sat about waiting for me to do boring jobs and then going to Asda!

I actualy think it is good for children to understand the essentially boring nature of life, to be able to entertain themselves in a supermarket queue, to have time to day-dream...

As someone who always had to work f/t once mat leave ended I struggle to see the draw of putting her in pres-school so you can do housework. Spread the jobs out a bit across the weekend -Mon/Tues, sharing with dp of course, and also outsourcing where you can - online shopping isn't a big additional expense. Everything changes once they start school so I don't know why you wouldn't make the most of this time, unless you feel it's making you ill and you need the break more urgently. I do agree with the pp though- you've already made up your mind.

I’ve recently changed my hours at work so one day I can do the school pick up, and the other day I finish at 12:30. My eldest is in school till 3 and my youngest can be in nursery til 6 that day (I never leave them til 6!) but you would not believe the improvement on my mental health, the house hold, the general house tidiness, and my ability to be more of the mother I want to be by having those 2 and a half hours a week to myself.
sometimes I blitz the house, sometimes I do the food shop and errands, some times I help my elderly neighbours to appts, and sometimes I have a lunch and walk with a friend, or like today I get my nails and brows done.

i work in a senior role and nearly quit under strain and stress fr balancing home and school last year. I’ve become more efficient at work as I have to get the same stuff done in less time (declining meetings others put in that could be an email for example) amongst others. My mental health is so much better now for the balance. I am less stressed and tired so when I have that time with my kids I really am present and not dragging whinging kids round Tesco getting flustered and forgetting stuff, or not keep interrupting the game to switch the washing over.
game changer.
do it. If it doesn’t work for you both, revert back!

So you are basically saying no preschool and deferring children who are summer borns?

I went to a nursery school for mornings from three in the 90s even though my Mum was a stay at home Mum. Even non working parents get 15 hours. That's because preschools have lots of proven benefits (I say this as someone who doesn't think external childcare before two is ideal but I get that lots of people need it- myself included). An extra day will help OP be able to manage her life a bit more and won't harm her child in any way, it might even be beneficial.

I am not an advocate of home schooling.

I am glad your DS flourished, along with the millions of others, my own included.

But! Almost four is only three. Very small.

They do better at home at that age.

But the OP does not have to be hands on - a regular sitter could be a viable option if they have some extra money.

Your post didn't specify how long each day is. If it's full days then I think you should do a half day on your extra day off so you get your jobs done then spend time with her. There is nothing luxurious about cleaning the bathroom or going to Tesco. It's work too. If it's a part time like a 3 hour session I think 5 days would be OK, then one morning would be your work day and one morning to yourself for whatever you please. I work with this age group in a sessional service and they are generally better off being with us every day otherwise they miss out. If its a good school it should be fun and stimulating and better for a child to be there than at home, then she will have the afternoons with you anyways. You'll be happier and more attentive and she will be more relaxed too. I think its worth the money as it's only for a short period.

what’s 4 days at preschool?

A lot, in the time experience of a child.

Could you put her in half a day so you can blitz some jobs? I’d say do it if you can afford to. Your head will be clearer and stuff done so when you are with her you can focus on her.

Yes before one or Ttwo maybe but the OPs child is almost 4. DS started school at 4 and a few months and has totally flourished. Lots of children do. Unless you are saying home school them?

Of course you should do it! Give yourself some sanity time. They aren't long days and you have the holidays and Fridays.

DS did two extra mornings from 3 where I wasn't at work and 4 days a week when I was on mat leave. I never felt guilty for a moment!

There are loads of kids in nursery from 8-6 five days a week for gods sake!

This ^ I didn’t actually read your pros and cons. Honestly if she’s starting school 5 days a week in Sep then what’s 4 days at preschool?

Wheres her Dad/other parent in this? If you are part of a couple what are they doing about all the life admin too?

I’m sorry but I agree with those saying keep her at home. Not because I disapprove of pre-school. Far from it. But because she gets the best of both worlds now so why change it when its not really necessary ( and school is coming soon).

She starting school this year – 4 days isn't a big deal.

This is a hard one.

I know that the impact of not having any time to yourself to recharge and get things done is huge. With that in mind, what I am going to say is very unpalatable for most of us - children do better when kept at home.

They just do - in terms of cortisol levels, attachments, social later and so on.

They do not have to be with you at home, but home is better than pre school.

Could you find someone to come to your house and play with her for a few hours on a Tuesday? That way you both could get what you need.

I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer here but my first thought was that she will def be learning whilst with you. As others have said learning to keep herself entertained and learning it’s not all fun fun fun, or at least the fun can be found in the mundane. But also I do get the prioritise yourself mantra!

id ignore the comment that you’ll regret it when she’s at school and shattered by 4. This wasn’t my experience.

but if money is even vaguely tight I’d be tempted to keep the status quo… you’ll get your time once she’s at school and I’m sure the decluttering and exercise or whatever can trundle along slowly til then

I don't really get it. Get your Asda food delivered and maybe leave the mass decluttering? It's really not long until she starts school proper, and then the issue goes away. You can get back on top of things in the autumn when you have more time.

Are you a single parent? It doesn’t sound like you have a partner but you say we.

If you are a single parent then do what you need to to get a break. If you are not a single parent then get dad should be pulling his weight and facilitating you getting a bit of me time as you should for him. Team work.

Read through your answers - you do know what you would prefer !

Think of it this way: you get to whizz around and do your jobs effectively, so when you do have time with her, you can enjoy it and play with her.

It is only in very recent years that parents have been expected to give every waking moment of their lives to playing and bonding with their children, while simultaneously working full time! It's an impossible ask. When I was growing up, babies were routinely left in prams outside shops, so mothers could get the shopping done in peace, left in prams in gardens so mothers could get chores done, allowed to play outside with crowds of other children, so mothers could get chores done - and this was in an era when one wage paid for essentials, so a lot of women weren;t also juggling work.

You are human. You cannot conjure more hours into a day or a week. Do what suits you and leaves you most upbeat, refreshed and feeling in control of your life. She will benefit hugely from that.

They see and watch and learn so much more than you realise but it sounds like you have decided anyway so that’s fine