Thoughts on this please. Feeling guilty.

Kids need to learn to entertain themselves. It is an art and many don't learn it when they have parents who think they have to do stuff all the time with their kids. Keep her at home and either involve her in the jobs you have to do or let her just play on her own if there are jobs she cannot safely ' help' with.

Well either she goes extra pre school day or you put her in a gym creche and you do gym session swim or hair
More logical to put her extra day in the pre school she knows.
Apart from house admin carve out some time for you
And do online food shopping for main shop so any trip to shop is just a couple items that dd helps

Its very important as a mother to look after your mental health, so please dont feel guilty if an extra day allows that. Have you thought about maybe just a morning session, it would be cheaper? You could get everything done that requires concentration, maybe a gym session, then collect her and do the asda shop together?

It doesn’t sound like your DH is being fair .Yes he has a FT job, but he also has a FT child. He must do his share of the “life admin “too .

Studies show that its more important for kids to have good quality time with their primary caregivers, than having more time while the caregivers are distracted and not able to give them quality 1:1 time, in case that helps with your feeling of guilt!

Keep her with you. I bet she loves pottering around with you at home.

I've always worked full time but I did compressed hours when DDs were at nursery. So I never had a day when I was not either working or patenting. And I manage.

Pay a cleaner for housework
Does her father feel guilty for going to work?
Put her more days in pre school
Take some time off for you
Does your dh have "hobbies" time? Do you? Why not?

Based on your updates could you do the 9-3 but pick her up at 2. Then you’ve still still the afternoon together and lessens the mum guilt.

doing stuff for you is important too. And will impact her indirectly.

Don’t underestimate the value of mundane. Chilling with mum not being over stimulated.

kids just want you to be present.

There's your answer then! Give yourself a break. You have an easy solution. You still have three days out of 7 with your child and all the hours they aren’t at preschool. Don't let strangers on the internet guilt trip you!

OP, my eldest is 12 now but I remember starting a very similar thread when she was about the same age. I agonised over this decision and felt so guilty for even thinking about putting my child in pre-school on my non working day. Now, honestly I look back and wonder what all the fuss was about. Why on earth did I think I needed permission from a bunch of strangers to give myself a break when I was knackered from juggling the demands of work and parenthood? It is absolutely fine to want a day to yourself to get stuff done and run errands without a small child in tow. Even if, heaven forbid, you wanted the day to get your nails done and watch Netflix that wouldn't make you a bad Mother either!
An extra day in pre-school learning, playing and socialising with other children and familiar adults is not a hardship by any stretch of the imagination, and if it means you are more relaxed, present and have more time to play with your DD on the days you're with her than that can only be beneficial.
OP, if I could go back in time and give myself just one piece of advice during the toddler/pre-school years it would be "remember you still matter, don't be a fucking martyr!"

Half day (if possible) seems like the obvious solution if you are torn.
My DD does a bonus half day that I don't technically need but it's so, so useful. And yes, I'm aware it's a luxury that many don't get.

She’d be actually doing something fun and educational rather than sat about waiting for me to do boring jobs and then going to Asda

Its ok to be bored sometimes. And to learn to be alone and entertain herself.

Spending time with you, chatting/doing jobs is invaluable. Yes, it will slow you down. Does it really matter if you wait until she starts school to declutter?

Can you put her in pre-school for an extra session on an adhoc basis? That’s what I do and it works quite well. No ongoing financial commitment, but I have the flexibility to do so when I need some time to do bits for me or at home?

Get a cleaner and order online food just do that anyways to make your life easier (if you can)

If you’re worried about £100 extra honestly don’t put her in the private education system.

Is this your final child? That would alter my decision.

However my final child she was and still is a joy to be around gives me no grief or hassle 🤣 I enjoy her company and chatting to her. We used to go swimming, garden centres, farms, costco etc I loved it so I kept her at home (she did go to nursery 3 days which the pre school set minimum hrs and home 2 days with me).

Also, it depends how far the pre school round trip is - sometimes more hassle than it’s worth. No grandparents around? Start of term everyone exhausted after Xmas and this weather doesn’t help!

I think you will know if you need extra mental health space or not - only you can decide.

All children adjust to school even the ones that haven’t set foot into a nursery.

Work out what you need to make you happy

Based on what evidence? I'm confused at how you've reached this conclusion.

3 ime is usual for pre school even for non working parents i don't think you have anyrhing to be guilty about, i used to work in early years and 3 year olds really was the norm.

Mass decluttering can wait until your daughter goes to school when you'll have 2 free days? Admin and grocery shopping deliveries can be done in the evenings? I am all in favour of having time to do things for yourself though, hairdressers etc, so I would consider an extra half day preschool or similar, it would still give you lots of time with your daughter and time to yourself too. I wouldn't be paying £100 per month for the privilege of doing the dusting/ shopping in peace, personally.

I wouldn’t say at age 4 tbh. Mine certainly needed more stimulation and company.

Could you compromise and do a half day? Although nothing wrong with doing the full day. But it you are deliberating, Could it be a possible option?

Agreed.

Part of what makes the human such a successful species is our adaptability.

I am not saying all children need to be home, all mothers need to home with them and all children from formal, non family care are not fine.

I am saying children, at that age, do better at home.

@Allswellthatendswelll
So you are basically saying no preschool and deferring children who are summer borns?

I am not sure how you arrive at that statement from a post that starts with "I am not an advocate of home schooling...."

That children do better at home at that age is established.

That is not to say that any other choice is bad.

Yes but not always wanting a kid in tow while going round a supermarket is also valid. Don't let yourself be guilt tripped OP. You having a bit of admin time while your daughter is in an environment she likes and which will prepare her for school is completely fine!

Which many kids do and are completely fine.