We’ve hurt the birthday boy’s feelings?

To clarify... is the Mum working when the boy is sleeping over?

Unintentionally you may led to birthday boy feeling left out if they've talked about it at school.

Seems so weird she’s singling out your two boys. What about some of the other invited kids who are - I don’t know - eating pizza that evening, having play dates, watching fun movies… are they all taking the shine away from bday boy too, or is it only a sleepover that’s a crime on special day?

Also wanted to say, your support system between you and the other single mum sounds great. Helping each other out, driving to meet halfway etc. Sounds like genuine good support for one another..

It sounds like a misunderstanding. She thinks you've randomly held a sleepover on her son's birthday party day which her son isn't invited to. All you need to do is explain the mum needs childcare as she's a nurse so you're doing it for that. I'm sure once you've clarified it'll be fine.

But it’s ok for kids to feel disappointed sometimes, right?

Perfect. Let’s punish the 8 year old child by having two of his friends not come to his birthday party that’s been confirmed, talked about and paid for. Sounds delightful.

I can see both points of view. What clearly is missing is someone saying this is not a fun sleepover, it’s childcare. Of course the birthday boy cannot be invited to everything and needs to learn to be disappointed but this is not the reason it is due to you doing another a mum a favour it just so happens it’s on his birthday. I think it would be kind to tell the mum, the reason for the sleepover is due to helping out with childcare. There family will understand the reasoning behind it, that there son hasn’t not been invited due to not being included but it’s a practical reasoning for the sleepover. She can then explain this to help so he doesn’t feel left out on purpose. His only 8. No one likes being left out at any age, plenty of posts on Mumsnet from adult women who normally receive kind advice.

I was so ill last year with pneumonia. I have no parents or siblings. My kids’ dad lives overseas. I honestly don’t know what I’d have done without these women. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, walking my dog, looking after my kids, as if they were part of their families. Honestly, how anyone can see anything negative in women supporting women is baffling to me.

You’re batshit.
You have no bloody way of knowing that the Op is relishing the Birthday boys sadness. What an idiotic thing to say.
The Birthday boy is having a party and seeing family on his Birthday. He doesn’t need to go to a sleepover too. It’s good for children not to always have what they want. It turns them into decent adults.
Get over yourself with your idiotic post. You’re ridiculous

I can see both points of view. What clearly is missing is someone saying this is not a fun sleepover, it’s childcare. Of course the birthday boy cannot be invited to everything and needs to learn to be disappointed but this is not the reason it is due to you doing another a mum a favour it just so happens it’s on his birthday. I think it would be kind to tell the mum, the reason for the sleepover is due to helping out with childcare. There family will understand the reasoning behind it, that there son hasn’t not been invited due to not being included but it’s a practical reasoning for the sleepover. She can then explain this to help so he doesn’t feel left out on purpose. His only 8. No one likes being left out at any age, plenty of posts on Mumsnet from adult women who normally receive kind advice.

I was so ill last year with pneumonia. I have no parents or siblings. My kids’ dad lives overseas. I honestly don’t know what I’d have done without these women. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, walking my dog, looking after my kids, as if they were part of their families. Honestly, how anyone can see anything negative in women supporting women is baffling to me.

The other mum is batshit for writing to you but there is something equally irksome about smug parents who love building up transactional friendships with other mums just so they can offload the children to each other. They bask in the superiority of being able to help others, balance work and kids, finding a "village", when it basically boils down to getting free childcare and not wanting to pay a babysitter. You can spot them a mile away, similar to the social climbing mums who prioritise having their kids in the right circles. The transactional mums immediately know which families they can latch onto to get free rides and nights off. Or they have shit partners who don't pull their weight so they target other mums for childcare favours.

Anyone can see that it's slightly poor form to plan something after a mutual friends birthday celebration. If an adult started a thread here saying two of her best friends are going on a spa break immediately after her birthday party, then there would be more discussion.

To be honest, it sounds like OP is being taken advantage of by the other mum. Yes, we know she's a nurse so let's give a round of applause for the NHS, but she would have had to work that night anyway. What was the plan with her son if there hadn't been a party? Was she still going to write to OP and ask her to take her kid because she needs to work? The party seemed like a good excuse to get a small foot in the door and then expand it to getting the entire night off without even having to drive her own kid anywhere.

Wow, huge lack of empathy on this thread for a small boy who doesn't want to spend an evening with "his extended family" and would have loved to be at the sleepover with his two friends instead.

Total lack of awareness by some posters that kids will say "nah, I'm not bothered" to their friends when they really are bothered but don't want to show it.

The mother could have handled it better but the lack of understanding of the little boy of many posters is a bit gobsmacking!