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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need handhold and urgent advice

158 replies

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 09/01/2026 07:53

I think I may be putting this is AIBU when I meant Chat. Sorry, all. I’ll try to keep it very short. I have cellulitis, and already had life-limiting illness. My DH is having a mental health breakdown, partially brought on by the stress of caring for me (he says no, but it’s obvious). I finally got him on the phone to the GP so he has treatment, thank God, and they were just wonderful with him. I’m on first-line oral antibiotics for cellulitis (flucloxacillin) but got up this morning at 7 to take my pill and noticed I have swelling, but NOT an open sore, under my eye. Here are the issues:

  1. How long should I wait to see if the swelling under my eye goes down or becomes a sore? (Before this, the doctor said to give the antibiotic until Friday to work; sores take up to 12 hours to develop for me).
  2. My husband is currently on heavy medication for a few days, to deal with what’s going on. He’s normally my carer. I would call my PILs but they’re leaving for Thailand today on a long-awaited trip, and BIL is house sitting their cat. The only relative I had is my mum and she’s 3000 miles away and at work. I have a friend who can come, but she can only get a flight on Monday. Should I just tell her now to come? Her coming will REALLY upset my husband as he has high anxiety, but if I get hospitalized, wtf are we going to do???

I swear I’m normally “smarter” than this but I feel just paralyzed by stress and worry and feeling so unwell. And I keep thinking I’m going to die, which is either my own anxiety or someone did say it could be sepsis, which I had in November.

I’m just having a huge wobble, I don’t know what to do about anything, and I don’t have a lot of friends to ask, and none local or with experience of this.

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 10/01/2026 01:42

How far away is your PiL's house? Could BiL come to yours and pop back to the cat/ask a neighbour to come in a couple of times a day? Not ideal perhaps but only over the weekend.

Also wondering whereabouts you are as someone local might be able to offer advice. There's an organisation called the Cinammon Trust who offer care for pets when owners are in hospital, maybe BiL could contact them?

NewAgeNewMe · 10/01/2026 01:36

Handhold from me. I’ve never had cellulitis but do get repeated infections as on immunosuppressants for RA. If you are like me, you’ll push yourself too far or wait it out. Don’t. Get a message to BIL and your PIL. X

stormwatcher · 10/01/2026 01:29

I had cellulitis once, it's really scary and painful and its one of those infections that you can see spreading as your skin changes, so very sorry you are having to deal with this, OP. Have you made a plan when to call 111 if things get worse? I understand feeling that you can't leave your husband alone by going to hospital, but you deserve care, attention and observation, and if that needs to be in A & E, or an out of hours GP/urgent treetment clinic, then please go.You sound unbearably stressed, but remember that you are allowed to prioritise your life and health.Especially with a life-limiting condition.Daffodil

Original poster
FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 10/01/2026 01:13

@SmallandSpanish Yes, you’re absolutely right. I used to have anxiety, have been doing great for years, and have just had a bit of a wobble over this I think. I’ll calm down and send a message to BIL.

@reenon As great as a cold sore would be at this point, it’s definitely cellulitis. I was hoping it was just a staph infection that would be treated with antibiotic but no response, I’m now on 1g of fluxocpcillin (spelling?) 4x daily and it’s not responding. Started in my hand, looking like a scratch, then just spread.

OP posts:
SmallandSpanish · 10/01/2026 00:56

You need to get your BIL involved now. Yes he is cat sitting but that can be resolved with a few phone calls (by him). Your PIL would want him to prioritise you and your husband, as would he. Most cats are pretty independent anyway. You both need calm, practical and supportive help. I hope he can provide that. Sending supportive vibes.

DuchessDandelion · 10/01/2026 00:44

@FFSToEverythingSince2020 you take it one step at a time and deal with issues as they occur, right now you're fire fighting but that doesn't mean it's all going to shit. Sending big hugs and strength your way 🫂

Just deal with the immediate issue in front of you and trust that things will be OK.

reenon · 10/01/2026 00:43

Could it be a cold sore? My DD gets them, underneath her eye. Then everything gets swollen. You'll have to ask your GP to swab it.

Before they diagnosed it as the cold sore virus I was told it was cellulitis...

Original poster
FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 10/01/2026 00:39

I have never dealt wifh anything so difficult in my life. Just a few days ago, my DH assured me that he wouldn’t hurt himself because he had me. I can’t go to hospital and leave him; I just can’t. I don’t know wtf I’m going to do. Wtf am I going to do. I know I’m spiraling but my left eye has started to weep. This is so fucked. I thought I was ready, but I’m not. Oh god, I don’t want this to be happening. Please, somebody, make it stop.

OP posts:
KellsBells7 · 09/01/2026 23:51

Just wanted to wish you well OP. Being so unwell and your husband not being in a position to support you must be incredibly difficult.

If you feel things are getting worse, please call 111 or an ambulance. What part of the country are you in? Don’t answer if you don’t want to but there may be local services available that can offer some support. Flowers

Flibbertyfloo · 09/01/2026 22:06

I know you said BIL is cat sitting, but could he not find a commercial cat sitter and come and support you? If he calls round local vet practices in the morning to ask if any of them have vet nurses who do cat sitting he should be able to find someone. Or do the PILs have a trusted neighbour who he could ask to help out for a few days?

I know it is hard, but ultimately it isn't good for you or your husband to let this brew any longer.

Fiftyandme · 09/01/2026 22:03

Don’t Jess with anything to do with eyes/sinuses etc - youvd already got cellulitis abc you have a life limiting illness. No one is going to judge you for asking for help.

Gazelda · 09/01/2026 22:00

@FFSToEverythingSince2020 would your BIL come to sit with DH while you go to A&E?

i’m so sorry you’re going through this extremely tough time. Wishing you strength to get through the next few days by which time both you and your DH might be in a more comfortable state.

newornotnew · 09/01/2026 21:57

@FFSToEverythingSince2020 I'm sorry you're so worried right now, and feeling lonely.
If you want to talk in the night then Samaritans take calls on any subject and will be able to listen and support with worrying.

If you have any concerns that the cellulitis is getting worse get urgent help.

Will you sleep do you think, or stay up watching TV or something? It's hard but try to rest at least.

Lougle · 09/01/2026 21:54

Is your DH safe to leave at home? If so, could you take a taxi to A&E, or if you can't, call an ambulance? If you have a rapidly progressing skin infection it is an emergency. Our skin is our largest organ and very underrated.

Alltheyellowbirds · 09/01/2026 21:49

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have anything helpful to contribute just wanted to keep you company while you’re feeling alone.

Original poster
FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 09/01/2026 21:43

MORBID UPDATE: Since my hand is looking like it’s starting to become an ulcer, and my DH is on Valium and not doing well, I’ve made an advanced directive and made sure both my ex-husband and my BIL have a copy (just in case my DH can’t handle what’s going on, my ex-husband has agreed to take the burden; whatever was between us in the past and any resentment is bleh. It’s too late in the day.)

I don’t know why I’m updating this thread. I guess I’m hoping I make it until my friend gets here on Monday, and feeling so sick seems weirdly lonely even though I’m not alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 09/01/2026 09:59

UPDATE: I sent fresh photos to the GP on call as @NorthernLass50 suggested. They called back quite quickly and they’ve doubled the dose of the antibiotic, I’m supposed to watch it for 24 hours, and if more of it is breaking out, call 111. So we have a plan. But since I’ve already got a life-limiting illness and DH is a mess, trying to cajole my body to survive at home, not hospital, until my friend can get here Monday would be really good if possible.

OP posts:
JanBlues2026 · 09/01/2026 09:07

I think you should be hospitalised and not released until a care plan is put in place

Original poster
FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 09/01/2026 09:06

UPDATE: Sent photos to the duty GP and they’re going to call me back soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 09/01/2026 08:55

KimuraTan · 09/01/2026 07:57

I am not a doctor but know a bit about cellulitis. It’s hard to know what it is but if it’s orbital cellulitis you need urgent medical care as it can lead to vision loss.

Definitely not orbital, luckily. It’s the “sack” underneath the eye that looks like it’s forming a sore. I have a disease that causes sores but it doesn’t usually look like this.

What’s weird is that the cellulitis keeps starting with these little lines - they almost look like maybe 3cm-long scratches, but when you look closely, the skin is opening from within, not being pushed in from outside like a scratch. Sorry, I hope that made sense. I’ve been trying to find something that looks like this online @NorthernLass50 or any other medical professional - have you seen cellulitis with these pink-red weird lines?

OP posts:
Motnight · 09/01/2026 08:33

@FFSToEverythingSince2020 good luck.

Original poster
FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 09/01/2026 08:30

NorthernLass50 · 09/01/2026 07:57

Hi,
FYI - I’m an experienced nurse.
I would contact your GP as soon as the practice opens. I would not wait when the issue involves or is adjacent to your eyes. Especially as it’s a Friday as well and you may wait longer for support over the weekend via 111.

Hope things improve for you soon.

@NorthernLass50 Hey, thank you so much for this. I will follow your advice as practice opens in 9 minutes, I think.

@JanBlues2026 - I can’t cook, even microwave meals, at the moment (awaiting Zimmer frame next week - they only had one and it was only for up to 5’1” or something - I have to bend quite a bit to use it), nor can I bathe myself. NHS or maybe the council is currently awaiting a bid on a caring package for me.

OP posts:
Nsky62 · 09/01/2026 08:12

Do as others say, and don’t be fobbed off, explain your lack of support

JanBlues2026 · 09/01/2026 08:10

What do you need someone to come for? I mean practically

MagicalMystical · 09/01/2026 08:04

Well done for reaching out. Sounds like you’re thinking very clearly actually. You know you need a handhold and your usual avenues of support are unavailable to you, so you are asking here.

The first post comes from an experienced nurse and I would take their advice.

Call the GP, tell them what is going on and leave yourself in their hands. This takes the stress out as they can assess this for you and you can just go along with whatever they advise.

I wish you all the best 💐