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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need handhold and urgent advice

158 replies

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 09/01/2026 07:53

I think I may be putting this is AIBU when I meant Chat. Sorry, all. I’ll try to keep it very short. I have cellulitis, and already had life-limiting illness. My DH is having a mental health breakdown, partially brought on by the stress of caring for me (he says no, but it’s obvious). I finally got him on the phone to the GP so he has treatment, thank God, and they were just wonderful with him. I’m on first-line oral antibiotics for cellulitis (flucloxacillin) but got up this morning at 7 to take my pill and noticed I have swelling, but NOT an open sore, under my eye. Here are the issues:

  1. How long should I wait to see if the swelling under my eye goes down or becomes a sore? (Before this, the doctor said to give the antibiotic until Friday to work; sores take up to 12 hours to develop for me).
  2. My husband is currently on heavy medication for a few days, to deal with what’s going on. He’s normally my carer. I would call my PILs but they’re leaving for Thailand today on a long-awaited trip, and BIL is house sitting their cat. The only relative I had is my mum and she’s 3000 miles away and at work. I have a friend who can come, but she can only get a flight on Monday. Should I just tell her now to come? Her coming will REALLY upset my husband as he has high anxiety, but if I get hospitalized, wtf are we going to do???

I swear I’m normally “smarter” than this but I feel just paralyzed by stress and worry and feeling so unwell. And I keep thinking I’m going to die, which is either my own anxiety or someone did say it could be sepsis, which I had in November.

I’m just having a huge wobble, I don’t know what to do about anything, and I don’t have a lot of friends to ask, and none local or with experience of this.

OP posts:
PrizedPickledPopcorn · 10/01/2026 09:25

I’m so sorry that all the crap is piling up on you at once! It’s so hard to process such a complicated situation. Hopefully you are in hospital and your DH has someone with him. Sometimes we just have to endure through the crap as best we can.

BinNightTonight · 10/01/2026 09:10

I would also call 999 immediately.

Vallmo47 · 10/01/2026 08:42

Hi, I’ve just caught up on the thread and wanted to see if you’ve rang 111 yet OP.
I think you need to be seen based on what you’re going through. 🥰

Randomchat · 10/01/2026 08:30

What a huge pile of problems all at once. I'm sorry.

I hope you can get medical help today.

I hope your dh gets the support he needs too.

MrsMitford3 · 10/01/2026 08:28

Just saw this.

Please don't hesitate to call in the calvary.

I'm sure you and your husband's needs more important than cat. Put cat in carrier or get neighbour to feed and get Bil down.

Also-if I was your Mother I would drop everything and come.
Don't be a hero-get help!!

Candleabra · 10/01/2026 08:25

I really hope you are getting medical help. Agree you should call 999. I think with escalating illnesses we can put that off or think it’s not that bad because we’ve been dealing with it for ages. But it sounds bad now, so please get the help you need.

Ineffable23 · 10/01/2026 08:24

Thinking of you OP. I hope you're now in hospital. Flowers

Advent0range · 10/01/2026 08:24

Please call an ambulance. It sounds like the increased strength antibiotics aren't enough.
I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

Alltheyellowbirds · 10/01/2026 08:20

I hope you are in hospital now OP and that you have called BIL to look after your husband so you have peace of mind about his wellbeing. If it was my brother who was depressed I would want to be there for him while you were being treated. I would make other arrangements for the cats.

ApolloandDaphne · 10/01/2026 07:46

I hope you are getting medical treatment now @FFSToEverythingSince2020

Jane143 · 10/01/2026 07:38

Thinking of you x

AtlasPine · 10/01/2026 07:17

Have you called 999? I agree that you shouldn’t delay.

Horses7 · 10/01/2026 07:17

It sounds like you need urgent medical intervention. So sorry you and your H are facing such challenges - can only send a hug.

Crazyfrog44 · 10/01/2026 06:49

Get them to swab you for Pantone Valentin Leucocidin. It needs to be sent to Porton Down. This might be why the antibiotics aren't working fast enough. Sending hugs.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/01/2026 06:24

reenon · 10/01/2026 00:43

Could it be a cold sore? My DD gets them, underneath her eye. Then everything gets swollen. You'll have to ask your GP to swab it.

Before they diagnosed it as the cold sore virus I was told it was cellulitis...

OP already has cellulitis, and any skin problem that develops now is a big red flag that it’s spreading. By the time GP gets the results of a swab, OP would already be very ill. It needs urgent attention now.

giallo · 10/01/2026 06:03

Another one agreeing you need to call 999. When the paramedics arrive you can talk to them about your concerns about your husband’s mental health and see if they can help with him but your priority is to get yourself to hospital right now. Please don’t leave it until later. I’ve seen how ill you can get with cellulitis.

Defrostedmariahcarey · 10/01/2026 06:00

Agree, call 999, you need medical help fast

Rosscameasdoody · 10/01/2026 05:46

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 10/01/2026 02:12

@NewAgeNewMe I’m so sorry to hear that! I think the steroids I’m on could be acting as an immunosuppressant.

@Stigsmother @Delphiniumandlupins PIL’s house is about 4 hours drive away. I don’t know if BIL might be able to get a neighbor to watch the cat, or I suppose worst case scenario: BIL and Dcat on the road trip from hell.

I told a few friends that I was ensuring my advanced directive was in order and one of them said he “needs to speak to me one on one to process this.” I’m trying to be sensitive but I’m so fucking angry anyone would make a demand right now. Maybe anger will fuel the beginning of my recovery 😂

And no, I can’t sleep. My hand and my eye are both starting to ache. I have one more dose of antibiotics to see if there’s any sign of improvement at all, and if not, I’m calling 111. Someone said a few days ago that sepsis causes a sense of impending doom, and I’m wondering if that’s what I’m feeling, because I feel so ridiculously negative and emotional, like I’ll never come out of the hospital.

NOTE Please forgive typos. Using my good hand and text to speech

Only just seen this update. OP you need to ring 999. This is an emergency.

Rosscameasdoody · 10/01/2026 05:44

FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 09/01/2026 07:53

I think I may be putting this is AIBU when I meant Chat. Sorry, all. I’ll try to keep it very short. I have cellulitis, and already had life-limiting illness. My DH is having a mental health breakdown, partially brought on by the stress of caring for me (he says no, but it’s obvious). I finally got him on the phone to the GP so he has treatment, thank God, and they were just wonderful with him. I’m on first-line oral antibiotics for cellulitis (flucloxacillin) but got up this morning at 7 to take my pill and noticed I have swelling, but NOT an open sore, under my eye. Here are the issues:

  1. How long should I wait to see if the swelling under my eye goes down or becomes a sore? (Before this, the doctor said to give the antibiotic until Friday to work; sores take up to 12 hours to develop for me).
  2. My husband is currently on heavy medication for a few days, to deal with what’s going on. He’s normally my carer. I would call my PILs but they’re leaving for Thailand today on a long-awaited trip, and BIL is house sitting their cat. The only relative I had is my mum and she’s 3000 miles away and at work. I have a friend who can come, but she can only get a flight on Monday. Should I just tell her now to come? Her coming will REALLY upset my husband as he has high anxiety, but if I get hospitalized, wtf are we going to do???

I swear I’m normally “smarter” than this but I feel just paralyzed by stress and worry and feeling so unwell. And I keep thinking I’m going to die, which is either my own anxiety or someone did say it could be sepsis, which I had in November.

I’m just having a huge wobble, I don’t know what to do about anything, and I don’t have a lot of friends to ask, and none local or with experience of this.

OP l had cellulitis after a mastectomy and radiotherapy last year and my GP administered oral antibiotics with a warning to monitor for any worsening of symptoms or spread, which would be treated as urgent and require immediate IV antibiotics in hospital. Cellulitis can be very serious and can lead to sepsis unless treated promptly and appropriately so I think if more signs of infection are showing up since the antibiotic dose was increased, you would need to have a very low threshold for calling 999. So sorry this is happening to you.

newornotnew · 10/01/2026 05:26

You need to get urgent medical advice. Everything else is secondary.

Ask your BIL to come now, with the cat.

mantlepiece · 10/01/2026 04:22

Trallers · 10/01/2026 03:53

This feels unmanageable to you because you're unwell and thats stressful, and you're understandably worried about your DH. But BIL can come, with cat if necessary, and he'll manage because it is a manageable situation. Maybe he could collect your DH and take him back with him while you're in hospital? Message him and see. But you have one job only - letting the medical professionals get you well!

I think this is a great idea that BIL comes and takes him back with him. You need to be in hospital from what you say, put the wheels in motion for that to happen. You staying at home will not help either you or your husband.
call for help now, if you need permission you have it. Look after yourself it will help both of you.

Trallers · 10/01/2026 03:53

This feels unmanageable to you because you're unwell and thats stressful, and you're understandably worried about your DH. But BIL can come, with cat if necessary, and he'll manage because it is a manageable situation. Maybe he could collect your DH and take him back with him while you're in hospital? Message him and see. But you have one job only - letting the medical professionals get you well!

endofthelinefinally · 10/01/2026 02:15

I am so sorry OP.
It sounds as if you need IV antibiotics.
You need medical intervention asap.
Cats are transportable. Could BIL bring cat and its stuff to your house?

Original poster
FFSToEverythingSince2020 · 10/01/2026 02:12

@NewAgeNewMe I’m so sorry to hear that! I think the steroids I’m on could be acting as an immunosuppressant.

@Stigsmother @Delphiniumandlupins PIL’s house is about 4 hours drive away. I don’t know if BIL might be able to get a neighbor to watch the cat, or I suppose worst case scenario: BIL and Dcat on the road trip from hell.

I told a few friends that I was ensuring my advanced directive was in order and one of them said he “needs to speak to me one on one to process this.” I’m trying to be sensitive but I’m so fucking angry anyone would make a demand right now. Maybe anger will fuel the beginning of my recovery 😂

And no, I can’t sleep. My hand and my eye are both starting to ache. I have one more dose of antibiotics to see if there’s any sign of improvement at all, and if not, I’m calling 111. Someone said a few days ago that sepsis causes a sense of impending doom, and I’m wondering if that’s what I’m feeling, because I feel so ridiculously negative and emotional, like I’ll never come out of the hospital.

NOTE Please forgive typos. Using my good hand and text to speech

OP posts:
Stigsmother · 10/01/2026 02:06

Could BIL bring the cat with him?