dp hit my ds tonight and i cant stop shaking

I'm also not surprised something like this has happened. I hope your DP is getting help for his mental health, if he isn't then this should spur him on.

Your son on the other hand needs dealing with an asap because he's only going to get bigger and more difficult to control. Are you getting any help for his behaviour?

I would have popped the baby in the pram in a safe part of the home and took over.

DH has become overwhelmed when our youngest has meltdowns and other abusive behaviours. We take it in turns to let the other parent have breathing space. That's your job, to be a support network to one another. Have each others back.

Is he his Dad? That makes a difference. Dad who's never behaved this way before Vs new partner of 18 months who you may not know as well are 2 different things.

Your child is acting like a little brat no wonder he snapped. You need to get help for your son because that doesn’t sound at all like normal behaviour.

I would normally be the first to say get that man out of your house but in this instance the issue here is your son.

His behaviour is far beyond a 6 year old playing up. The weeing deliberately on the floor and systematically aggravating your DP to get a reaction is a clear signal of some serious behavioural issues. This has crossed from challenging to disturbing.

Use this as the catalyst to get outside support for everyone before your family unit is shattered and you are left to parent a deeply troubled child alone.

At only 6, your DS sounds like a difficult child. Unless he has undiagnosed special needs, you’re going to need to get on top of this behaviour. It’s not acceptable.

This, why was this behaviour allowed to continue? This isn't a teen who's bigger than you it's a 6 year old. Between the two of you you could have picked him carried him to his room deposited him there.

I don't think your DP is monster plenty of us got the odd smack as a child and weren't left traumatised. I can tell you for free I deserved the few snacks I got, I knew full well I shouldn't have been doing what I was and yes it taught me there were consequences to poor behaviour. Times have changed now and we know there are other methods better employed but one brief open handed smack will not leave your DS traumatised for life.
He sounds like he has got serious behavioural issues you need to get a proper handle on and fast.

does your son have additional needs?
that said, even with that, he should not act like this with zero consequences

I would have probably lost my shit and given him a 90s slap on the backside after an hour too and pissing on the floor?! nope

Is your DP the father of your DS?

This!!! ^^

I'm not surprised at your DPs behaviour. Your DS is getting away with murder. You need to get some professional help and support ASAP.

Do I condone hitting a child- no!
Can I see how he snapped- yes!
your sons behaviour is not normal for 6yr old_ is there something undisclosed, because this isn’t challenging this sounds like a problem he can’t control

Bit of an overreaction from you OP. He peed on the floor on purpose!? I dont blame your DP for getting pushed over the limit

Already replied but just another point to add... presuming Dp is DSs dad, there is a chance whatever MH issues DP has are present in DS too.

Well it's definitely a line crossed, but he's not a monster. Your child's behavior sounds very challenging and not at all typical, are you getting support for that? That would be my focus, not reporting a minor hit when your partner was obviously pushed past the limit. Do you cope better with the bad behavior? It might be that he needs to be able to leave in situations like this when he's not well and can't cope, but you really need a solid plan in place to manage it because it will only be more difficult if it's not stopped as he gets older.

Do you have a violent child?

I could not pick up my 6 yr old in a rage, it was too dangerous for him and me or my husband. We spent a few years black and blue.
We were belittled and mocked by certain teachers and experts because of this, which was helpful 🙄, but there we are.

The trick is to work out why the rages are happening and try to divert the child at a point before the rages is inevitable.

Your 6 year old's behaviour sounds unusual and completely inappropriate for his age - does he have a diagnosis? Are you getting help and support?

It is never ok to lash out physically, to anyone let alone a child. But it has happened, DP isn't suggesting it was a great thing to do either.

It sounds like you all need a lot more help and support.

Yep completely agree with this….x

Not the end of the world.
Get your ds some help, his behaviours sounds challenging and it is no surprise your dp snapped.

What's the situation with your son? Is your DP his father? How long has your DS been acting this way?

You are talking of "my" son. Is this a new partner, a shared child? What's the back story? Sounds like dp was horrified at his own behaviour. Let he who is without sin and all,that.
I think it's more helpful to know the wider context rather than one incident, particularly given the vagueness about relationships.

Yes, this put it perfectly tbh

This is the moment when you take stock of your son's behaviour and seek help to deal with him. His behaviour is way outside of normal and needs a plan of action.

Why is DS behaving so badly and what is being done to address it?

Is DP his father?

I think the deliberate urinating on the floor and laughing about it would cause me to snap too. Probably wouldn't have hit the child but I know I would have shouted at him . As you say , your DS is OK about it , either because he got DP to snap or he needed an excuse to stop his behaviour.