dp hit my ds tonight and i cant stop shaking

So what have you done about getting to the bottom of his poor behaviour, OP?

You say the school doesn’t believe he has additional needs - have you sought help or advice from your GP? Have you spoke to your LA’s children’s services team for a needs assessment? Have you insisted on a sit-down meeting with the SENCO at the school?

Anything to show you're not bothered and his crys for attention via bad behaviour are not being heard.
I've said it before, I'll say it again WATCH SUPERNANNY

The problem is though that if he has high anxiety/ PDA/autism - or just a need for routines, reassurance and one to one full attention and love now the baby is here or because of some big stress - this will probably not work and things might get worse.

School will not know always know what he is like at home. Sometimes children can hold it in at school but burst at home.

I hate the word ‘parenting’.

What sort of ‘parenting course’ do you mean? Please link some examples so we can read what they say about how they can help.

There are different problems with different children, some with complex responses and needs. What courses do parents of such children need?

Calling this child a brat is meaningless in the end.

Consistency is key, as is positive praise.

He might laugh at being sent to the hall to sit down; but if he comes back and acts up - you continue to put him back there. Don't just think "oh hes laughing so its not working" you need to keep showing him this is what happens. He sits there until he apologises and can come back calm with acceptable behaviour.

When hes sat in the hall, sulking or pretending he doesn't care - do some loud hoovering; sing whilst you clean something up. Anything to show you're not bothered and his crys for attention via bad behaviour are not being heard.

I've said it before, I'll say it again WATCH SUPERNANNY! 😂

Your son was behaving like a brat and I’d have also smacked him! You need to reward good behaviour and tell him off for bad behaviour including punishments when necessary. I think a parenting course would be very helpful for you and your DH.

My child pissing on the floor and laughing at me is never acceptable. Smacking (in England) is perfectly OK.

Totally agree with this!

Although they havent been gentle parenting they just havent been parenting at all

Totally agree with this!

Although they havent been gentle parenting they just havent been parenting at all

All this “gentle parenting” bs is to blame.

Like, your son is deliberately pissing on the floor and mocking you both about it?? If you don’t see that as the issue that needs addressing instead of “shaking” because your partner clipped your misbehaving child after an hour of taking his shit, you’re probably part of the problem.

This is such an overreaction, he deserved a slap and got it. It shocked him into behaving for once, hardly the end of the world.
I can tell by the way you are both overreacting to this, that this boy is a product of you allowing him to behave like this rather than some ND. You're acting like dad smacked him on the face or bruised him.... he'll be fine. It was a one off and frankly your husband sounds broken and you sound like you're making excuses but in the wrong direction.
Put the baby down and throw 6yr old in a room and lock the door if needs be.

I do gentle parenting but even I have limits and recognise when behaviour has gone way too far and this is insane.

Your son sounds like a fucking menance.

Im not remotely surprised he got clipped after an hour of that nonsense.

It's illegal in scotland. As it should be.

Agree.

I agree. Maybe beat the little brat a bit though!

Yes, people with overpowering frightening parents can become nasty passive aggressive bullies of anyone weaker for all that they appear good.

Don’t beat yourself or let your husband beat himself up over this. Life’s hard enough without holding your feet to the fire over this

It’s fine honestly. You’ll all be fine. Tbh if your 6yo does this to anyone not his parent they will prob pop him one too. He needs to learn people have limits - is this the best way no prob not but it’s done. As long as it’s not a pattern it’s fine.

In the world, across countries, the majority of parents will have smacked a child at some point. The amount of drama over a single smack to the arm, on a child who is this badly behaved is just ridiculous.

Ask school to do an early help referral. Go in and speak to them and explain what you are dealing with at home.

this should not have been allowed to go on for an hour. He is 6, he is still at a stage you can physically make him do things.

this needs getting a grip on now or it will get significantly worse as he grows. If younger sibling is also copying you will end up with this x2 and it will be impossible to manage.

get the support in now before it escalates.

School might be telling you your child is not ND but he very clearly is - emotional or personality orders also fall under that banner but are less easily recognised in young children than ADHD or autism. Which we already know are difficult to get statemented.

Whilst I don’t agree with a PP outright diagnosing your child as a psychopath - children cannot be diagnosed as psychopaths - signs of potential adult psychopathy can manifest in children as young as 2 as Conduct Disorder (extreme rule breaking behaviour or defiance) and/or Callous Unemotional traits (lack of empathy, inappropriate response to causing distress in others). Firm, consistent, parental intervention is needed to avoid these traits progressing and can be very successful if implemented early.

I am not saying every challenging child or your child specifically is a potential psychopath but every challenging child can benefit from the strategies advised.

I understand you may both be overwhelmed from this being a repeated behaviour but however bad you and your DH feel now use the fact that both your passivity in this scenario fuelled this episode as much as your child’s behaviour, to change how you respond next time.

If you don’t he will escalate. He will turn his provocations and bullying to your younger children.

Get to your GP, reach out for any and all support available to you. It’s going to be hard but you need to see this as something that will help all of you to move forward from your current mental states and ensure your child’s future is not derailed by his current behaviour.

Not amazing parenting of a small baby either, keeping them in a violent stressful environment rather than walking away from the screaming to keep at least one child safe.

Yes, I'm sure it did happen. But I would imagine that there was a real reluctance to speak up about it in those days. It would have been shaming. It was shaming enough for me when my adopted DD1 (now 16) used to be violent towards me, mainly from ages 6-10. She was occasions violent towards DD2 as well.

It wasn't even about a lack of consequences. I deducted pocket money every time she hurt me, and she regularly got none at all. What did work was asking for help from the post adoption services and they organised 10 sessions of therapy, which involved us working with her to build a bond with her.

The violence towards me stopped, though she continued to throw things in anger. This is much improved now.

Obviously your DS isn’t adopted, OP, but help can be sought through SS, or through the GP.

With DD1, a lot of it was down to jealousy as well, when DD2 came to live with us, though she has been diagnosed with probable FASD and also epilepsy now. There’s been a new baby in this case, who was born 18 months ago. This will have played a part in your DS’s behaviour.

Things can be turned around, but it takes a lot of pushing to get the help you need. We’d first asked for help when DD1 was 6, but it took 4 years for actual therapy to be arranged.

We used physical chastisement for probably the whole of human history until recently.
I do sometimes wonder if we're the ones doing it right, when a stressed, depressed, broken father is weeping on a sofa.

My only advice is that now this has crossed a line and entered territory which is not OK and is dangerous, help must be accessed immediately and urgently before things spiral.

Mental health support and therapy for DP and talk to the school, the GP and any and all local services for mental health and behavioural support for DS.

Im not saying that this is unforgivable but must be taken seriously and not brushed under the carpet as a one off because it’s an outward display of how bad the inner turmoil has got in both DP and DS

I'm sorry op but your post has really annoyed me. Give over with how much you are shaken, terrified, panicking etc. You allowed this situation to escalate. You stood there and watched it unfold. Your son has serious behavioural issues that are not being addressed and from what I've read its more than likely down to your passive parenting. Your partner is going through mental health problems and you did not step in and help him.

Stop it now with your "damsel in distress" attitude, its disgusting.