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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you inform the school?

465 replies

Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 16:34

My friend recently got into an argument with her friend. The argument started off as a conversation which quickly turned into an argument, (my friends friend accusing her of things, name calling her etc) in the end my friend was spat at. She was horrified but does not want to do anything about it. My friend’s “friend” is a teacher. AIBU to think my friend should inform the school of this behaviour? Im tempted to do so myself! Our children both attend the school she teaches at. What would you feelings be?

OP posts:
Periperi2025 · 12/01/2026 13:45

It does seem that no further action events are recorded as NFA, and 'could' come up in an enhanced DBS but in less than 1% of NFAs would this be the case.
It also means that this teacher would have evidence going forward if OP decides to go on a concerted campaign of harrassment against her (should OP not be telling the whole truth here!!), so I guess it has advantages both ways.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 12/01/2026 13:43

Spitting is utterly disgusting, especially in someone supposedly educated.
I wouldn’t inform the school, but I’d steer well clear in future.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 13:43

Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 13:38

Yes, an incident record number will be generated even if no action is taken. Useful if needed any time in the future such as further poor behaviour

An incident record means nothing if it's for a closed case as there was no evidence

Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 13:40

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 13:19

No it won't

An allegation is just that. An allegation

Otherwise anyone could go and make any old allegation against another person and ruin their life

Of course an allegation is just an allegation!

OP posts:
Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 13:38

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 13:19

No it won't

An allegation is just that. An allegation

Otherwise anyone could go and make any old allegation against another person and ruin their life

Yes, an incident record number will be generated even if no action is taken. Useful if needed any time in the future such as further poor behaviour

OP posts:
Periperi2025 · 12/01/2026 13:22

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 12:40

It won't be "on record" if there's no action taken...

And rightly so!!

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 13:19

Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 12:46

Of course it will be

No it won't

An allegation is just that. An allegation

Otherwise anyone could go and make any old allegation against another person and ruin their life

Lightuptheroom · 12/01/2026 12:55

OP, it won't be on record at this stage

Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 12:46

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 12:40

It won't be "on record" if there's no action taken...

Of course it will be

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock000 · 12/01/2026 12:41

Myob.

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 12:40

Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 12:12

Well its certainly worth having it on record if nothing else!

It won't be "on record" if there's no action taken...

ClawsandEffect · 12/01/2026 12:35

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 12:11

I doubt that

Police can hardly investigate actual crime, let alone some fuzzy CCTV of an alleged spitting by someone with an open vendetta against the accused

Exactly.

Lightuptheroom · 12/01/2026 12:23

The OP can't report anything directly to the school. It didn't occur on school grounds or within a working day on working premises. This is an allegation between two adults. There has been an argument. One party is alleging that another party (importantly not the OP) spat at them. That means an allegation can be made of common assault. At the allegation stage it's literally that, an allegation. Neither party is allowed to discuss it, the police make it very clear whether it's an open case or whether they close it with no further action. Should it remain open, the other party still has not been charged and may equally not have any conditions placed upon them. An employer decides what they do, not a random friend of a friend and it has to be within the company (in this case a school) policies.
The OP is not involved in any of this

Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 12:12

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 12:11

I doubt that

Police can hardly investigate actual crime, let alone some fuzzy CCTV of an alleged spitting by someone with an open vendetta against the accused

Well its certainly worth having it on record if nothing else!

OP posts:
BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 12:11

Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 09:53

Exactly. And this too shall be proven beyond any doubt there is no concern here regarding that.

I doubt that

Police can hardly investigate actual crime, let alone some fuzzy CCTV of an alleged spitting by someone with an open vendetta against the accused

BriefEncountersOfTheThirdKind · 12/01/2026 11:52

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 12/01/2026 07:52

In the current case it would be in the public interest due to her role and safeguarding.

I'm not sure what happened with the fractured jaw - maybe that was peer to peer. In which case it doesn’t affect anyone else.

Assuming anything could even be proved
If she's let off because of no proof then there's nothing to show on a DBS check and nothing for her to be fired over

Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 11:29

ClawsandEffect · 12/01/2026 10:23

Nah, that's not what they think. They think you're unreasonable.

says alot.

OP posts:
ClawsandEffect · 12/01/2026 10:23

Winterstorms2 · 11/01/2026 23:31

592 people think I would be unreasonable to report it to the school. They have therefore suggested my friend reporting it to the police would be better.

Nah, that's not what they think. They think you're unreasonable.

Lightuptheroom · 12/01/2026 10:06

And it's not about proving beyond reasonable doubt. It's whether to prosecute is in the public interest, decided by the crown prosecution service.

Lightuptheroom · 12/01/2026 10:05

This is a different scenario to a complaint against a teacher for an alleged action against a child. That has to follow disciplinary measures within the school.
The op has outlined a criminal allegation between two adults. Therefore, it isn't for either the OP or the person making the allegation to inform the school, this will be done by the police once the allegation is made and the other person has been interviewed with legal representation.
OP I'd politely suggest that you and you friend refrain from discussing this with other friends etc and certainly not on any social media as that would be deemed as prejudicing the case.

Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 09:53

Bushmillsbabe · 12/01/2026 09:43

I would hope that the school would only act if this is proven beyond any doubt, not based on hearsay, and with review of the whole incident. Things can appear very different without any lies being told - these 2 incidents come to mind -

A child in my daughters class accused a teacher of pushing and grabbing them. The parent came in all guns blazing and demanded the teacher was sacked. The other children in the class were interviewed, and it turned out that the child (with additional needs) ran towards the teacher, there was some water on the floor from ? a childs water bottle, the child slipped and the teacher instinctively reached to protect them from hitting their head on a nearby table. So yes the teacher did 'grab' the child, but it was protective, and yes the child fell but they were not pushed.

In another incident, a parent went round our village saying an LSA had forcefully restrained and hit their child. The reality was this child was beating up another to point they had to go to hospital, and the LSA was restraining them to avoid them hurting another child even further, and they ended up also injured in the process.

People can share their stories in a way which isn't lying, but isn't sharing the whole truth either. In both these scenarios the parent did not lie, the teacher did grab the child (to try to stop them hurting themself) and they did restrain a child, but these were well intentioned and proportional responses.

Exactly. And this too shall be proven beyond any doubt there is no concern here regarding that.

OP posts:
rainbowsandraspberrygin · 12/01/2026 09:52

Bushmillsbabe · 12/01/2026 09:43

I would hope that the school would only act if this is proven beyond any doubt, not based on hearsay, and with review of the whole incident. Things can appear very different without any lies being told - these 2 incidents come to mind -

A child in my daughters class accused a teacher of pushing and grabbing them. The parent came in all guns blazing and demanded the teacher was sacked. The other children in the class were interviewed, and it turned out that the child (with additional needs) ran towards the teacher, there was some water on the floor from ? a childs water bottle, the child slipped and the teacher instinctively reached to protect them from hitting their head on a nearby table. So yes the teacher did 'grab' the child, but it was protective, and yes the child fell but they were not pushed.

In another incident, a parent went round our village saying an LSA had forcefully restrained and hit their child. The reality was this child was beating up another to point they had to go to hospital, and the LSA was restraining them to avoid them hurting another child even further, and they ended up also injured in the process.

People can share their stories in a way which isn't lying, but isn't sharing the whole truth either. In both these scenarios the parent did not lie, the teacher did grab the child (to try to stop them hurting themself) and they did restrain a child, but these were well intentioned and proportional responses.

Well of course it would have to be proven 🙄

Bushmillsbabe · 12/01/2026 09:43

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 12/01/2026 07:50

The school will though regardless.

if a teacher at a school I worked in spat on a parent of a child in the school - that would not be ignored.

hopefully it would go on their DBS too.

I would hope that the school would only act if this is proven beyond any doubt, not based on hearsay, and with review of the whole incident. Things can appear very different without any lies being told - these 2 incidents come to mind -

A child in my daughters class accused a teacher of pushing and grabbing them. The parent came in all guns blazing and demanded the teacher was sacked. The other children in the class were interviewed, and it turned out that the child (with additional needs) ran towards the teacher, there was some water on the floor from ? a childs water bottle, the child slipped and the teacher instinctively reached to protect them from hitting their head on a nearby table. So yes the teacher did 'grab' the child, but it was protective, and yes the child fell but they were not pushed.

In another incident, a parent went round our village saying an LSA had forcefully restrained and hit their child. The reality was this child was beating up another to point they had to go to hospital, and the LSA was restraining them to avoid them hurting another child even further, and they ended up also injured in the process.

People can share their stories in a way which isn't lying, but isn't sharing the whole truth either. In both these scenarios the parent did not lie, the teacher did grab the child (to try to stop them hurting themself) and they did restrain a child, but these were well intentioned and proportional responses.

Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 08:50

Lightuptheroom · 12/01/2026 08:37

Just to be factual.
As a pp has said, the police can request the other person attends an interview. From that it goes to the CPS who decide whether to charge, whether it's no further action, or a caution may be offered. A 'not in the public interest' outcome indicates that it's basically too expensive to bring the case to court.
A person's profession isn't taken into account at this stage, though an employer can take their own actions (ie suspend the employee pending the investigation) a DBS is only 'affected' if a person is actually charged or cautioned NOT at point of investigation.
The person reporting to the police will be kept updated BY THE POLICE in their own time scale, it is not for the employer to do so.
The fact is anyone can make an allegation against anyone and the threshold for calling a person to interview is very low. Not so with a caution or a charge. In op case she will need to stop discussing this once its been reported and let the law do it's job.

Thank you for this

OP posts:
Winterstorms2 · 12/01/2026 08:49

CunningLinguist2 · 12/01/2026 08:09

I was correcting YOUR typo - then realised it's a MN no-no.
Anyways, good morning and good Monday to you - you still come across exactly as last week. Combative and not my type :D

Well isn't it great that I have no interest in being your type or anyones type quite frankly, I do not live yo be peoples type 😂 what a strange thing to say, given that you have taken things as far away as possible from my OP 😂

OP posts: