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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you inform the school?

465 replies

Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 16:34

My friend recently got into an argument with her friend. The argument started off as a conversation which quickly turned into an argument, (my friends friend accusing her of things, name calling her etc) in the end my friend was spat at. She was horrified but does not want to do anything about it. My friend’s “friend” is a teacher. AIBU to think my friend should inform the school of this behaviour? Im tempted to do so myself! Our children both attend the school she teaches at. What would you feelings be?

OP posts:
Catwoman8 · 08/01/2026 19:22

No, you do nothing unless you witnessed it. You only have your friends account of the situation, you have nothing to prove the allegation.

neverbeenskiing · 08/01/2026 19:21

I work in a school in a Leadership role.
Those saying it's nothing to do with the school because it didn't happen on school site or during working hours are factually incorrect. Rightly or wrongly, Teachers, along with some other professions such as HCP's, are expected to adhere to certain standards of behaviour both in and outside of the workplace. Teachers know that, it's made very clear during their training, it's what they sign up for. I have worked with Teachers who have found themselves in serious trouble, and even dismissed, for their conduct outside of work.

As others have said, spitting at someone can potentially be a criminal offence, it is classed as assault. Since Teachers can find themselves in serious trouble for assaulting a random member of the public outside work, someone not connected with school, because they could be seen as "bringing the profession into disrepute", of course a Teacher assaulting the parent of a child who attends their school, wherever and whenever that assault takes place, could affect their job. I'm surprised so many posters can't see that. If the parent who has allegedly been spat at was to report the matter to the Police and/or the school then the Head would have to take it seriously, and it could potentially lead to disciplinary action but OP is not the victim, and she did not witness the incident so a report from her would just be hear-say.

Boredoflunch1 · 08/01/2026 19:16

What implications do you want or expect? That's what I don't understand. If you report it, 99% sure naff all sill happen apart from an awkward conversation with the staff member and the head. The head can't go round investigating.

Periperi2025 · 08/01/2026 19:15

Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 19:08

Yes others witnessed it, it definitely happened, no back tracking, just worried about the implications of reporting a teacher.

Show quote history

Well the implications are clearly her getting into a lot of trouble, which is presumably also your motivation to report her.

Are you going to report your other friend to her employer for her part in the very public argument so that they can both be investigated at work for something that happened outside of work?

TickingKey46 · 08/01/2026 19:12

Spitting on someone is assult! Your friend had been assaulted, if someone spat at me i would inform the police.
I was attached by a former work colleague (in my home) we work with vunrible people so I informed my place of work. But because I was assaulted I first contacted the police. It wouldn't occur to me to inform my place of work but not the police. , she now has a conviction for assult!.

Original poster
Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 19:08

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 08/01/2026 19:04

did anyone witness it? Wonder if friends said it happened and is now backtracking?

Yes others witnessed it, it definitely happened, no back tracking, just worried about the implications of reporting a teacher.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 19:07

Scarydinosaurs · 08/01/2026 19:04

If she was spat at the right course of action would be to go to the police.

The rest of it (informing the school) will happen as a result of that.

A teacher spitting at a parent of a child at the school is obviously very serious behaviour. I think you have had the the replies you got because you’ve come at it from the angle that you want to tell her employer, because she is a teacher.

The actual problem is that the teacher has a professional relationship with the parent. And that spitting is assault.

Yes quite possibly, I couldnt understand why people were condoning it.

OP posts:
ColdAsAWitches · 08/01/2026 19:05

Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 16:55

But there are no malicious parents in this situation? I think thats terrible tbh! A decent head would protect a staff member who has committed assault?

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A decent head would protect a staff member who has allegedly committed assault?

All you can say is "I heard Miss X spat at a parent during an argument". There are no witnesses, nobody has come forward to complain about what happened to them or anything they saw. No head would act on that alone.

Scarydinosaurs · 08/01/2026 19:04

If she was spat at the right course of action would be to go to the police.

The rest of it (informing the school) will happen as a result of that.

A teacher spitting at a parent of a child at the school is obviously very serious behaviour. I think you have had the the replies you got because you’ve come at it from the angle that you want to tell her employer, because she is a teacher.

The actual problem is that the teacher has a professional relationship with the parent. And that spitting is assault.

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 08/01/2026 19:04

did anyone witness it? Wonder if friends said it happened and is now backtracking?

Blushingm · 08/01/2026 19:01

So were you there or not?

Boredoflunch1 · 08/01/2026 18:59

She should go to the police if she wants to report it anywhere. The school won't and can't investigate, it's nothing to do with them. What are you expecting the school to do?

Dgll · 08/01/2026 18:51

Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 18:31

She feels that she cannot because the person doing the spitting is a teacher and feels that there would be no point that she would be laughed at and the head teacher would protect the teacher, which is really sad to read here that it is a possible outcome …i wanted to show her that she would be doing the right thing, but it seems not.

Edited
Show quote history

Why would she tell the Head teacher? She isn't at school anymore. She should go to the police if she has been assaulted.

ShesTheAlbatross · 08/01/2026 18:49

I would imagine that a lot of schools would consider a teacher assaulting the parent of a child at the school to be relevant. And spitting at someone deliberately is assault.

AutumnAllTheWay · 08/01/2026 18:48

89% yabu

Wingingit73 · 08/01/2026 18:46

But you only have your friends version. Do notbing

Original poster
Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 18:43

OttersMayHaveShifted · 08/01/2026 18:39

It is old-fashioned, yes. It's hard enough to persuade people to be teachers anyway. Holding them to higher standards of behaviour in their private lives than other people, just because they've chosen a particular job, is not exactly going to help. It's a job, not a sainthood.

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Hmm…having the ability not to assault another person hardly makes you a saint…

OP posts:
OttersMayHaveShifted · 08/01/2026 18:39

Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 18:11

I suppose im old fashioned to think that teachers should hold a certain conduct i side and out of the work place

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It is old-fashioned, yes. It's hard enough to persuade people to be teachers anyway. Holding them to higher standards of behaviour in their private lives than other people, just because they've chosen a particular job, is not exactly going to help. It's a job, not a sainthood.

Dollymylove · 08/01/2026 18:37

What was the argument about?
Can you expand on it? Give both sides?
What did your friend do/say to make the teacher behave as they did?
You didnt witness it, you dont know the full story, and your friend doesnt wish to take it further (maybe she behaved just as badly?)
Its nothing to do with you so keep your beak out of it

Lochroy · 08/01/2026 18:34

Bonsaibaby · 08/01/2026 16:38

Spitting is classed as assault I believe so she should tell the police rather than school if she wants to report it!

I was going to say the same.

Original poster
Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 18:33

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 08/01/2026 18:27

Do you dislike the teacher @Winterstorms2 ?

I didnt , until she spat, i guess I’m just disgusted… who does that?

OP posts:
PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 08/01/2026 18:33

Does she want you to report it? Why did their argument escalate?

BlackCat14 · 08/01/2026 18:33

Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 18:31

She feels that she cannot because the person doing the spitting is a teacher and feels that there would be no point that she would be laughed at and the head teacher would protect the teacher, which is really sad to read here that it is a possible outcome …i wanted to show her that she would be doing the right thing, but it seems not.

Edited
Show quote history

But what do you want the Head to do? What outcomes are you expecting?
Why not report her to the police?

Original poster
Winterstorms2 · 08/01/2026 18:31

PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 08/01/2026 18:13

agree that it’s suspicious your friend who is making allegations doesn’t want to do anything..

She feels that she cannot because the person doing the spitting is a teacher and feels that there would be no point that she would be laughed at and the head teacher would protect the teacher, which is really sad to read here that it is a possible outcome …i wanted to show her that she would be doing the right thing, but it seems not.

OP posts:
PennyLaneisinmyheartandmysoul · 08/01/2026 18:27

Do you dislike the teacher @Winterstorms2 ?

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