Adult DC visiting from New Zealand - how would you feel about this?

Maybe she was at work because her mum was only there a few days before disappearing elsewhere so she didn't feel like she was much of a priority.

The DD was at work all the time.

Hmm - I'm not sure I'd feel my mum had made much of an effort if she travelled half way across the world, spent 5 days in my area and then went off elsewhere for the rest of her holiday.

It does, but I was responding to your point which implied the OP hadn't made an effort when she actually had.

I would be devastated. Very selfish and thoughtless behaviour.

I haven't read the full thread but as someone who has lived in Australia for 19 years I just wanted to say that trips 'home' are amazing but exhausting. There is simply never enough time to spend time with all the people you want to see. Unless it is planned like a military operation you run out of time so quickly 28 days feels like a long time but it goes in a flash.
My parents travelled regularly to see us so we always felt an obligation to spend more time with DHs parents. It wasn't ever that we preferred their company over my parents. Time in the UK was also our family holiday so as the kids got older trying to fit in the things that they wanted to do also took time away from others.
Please dont see it as 'If they wanted to spend time with me, they would' They do. There's just not enough days to do it.
My sister also lives abroad. Although she stays with my parents, she uses it as a base and then barely spends any time with them. I know this frustrates mum so that relative might be getting the quality time you imagine. it could literally be a bed and breakfast affair.
Thinking of you I do appreciate how disappointed you must be and admire the bright and breezy approach.

In other words those who make no effort to visit them get almost their time in the UK in compensation.

Who doesn't book some leave to be with their daughter?

It works both ways, surely?

When is she going home? If she’s about to head back, then I understand you don’t want to spoil the tlme you have but I really wouldn’t be able to
hoöd back my disappointment.
I think I would have to ask „what have I done?“ I’ve hardly seen you, I’ve been so excited to see you and I’m so shocked and sad you don’t appear to feel the same way. I didn’t expect you to spend all your time with us, but I expected more than one day.“
she seems young and a bit thoughtless. How will she know if you don’t say? Your feelings matter and you have a right to calmly and lovingly explain how hurt you are.
hopefully there’s time to rectify this if you speak up.
if it’s any consolation, my BIL came back
to the UK for the first time in a couple of decades - came for a month. Saw his mum for half a day. Stayed with us for 2.5.
DH and I were scandalised.

big hug.x

The DD has also offered lunch several times but OP wasn't keen because she couldn't stay the night.

I really don't think this is as straightforward as OP's DD being a selfish wotsit who doesn't care.

Who doesn't book some leave to be with their mum?

Omg @abitgutted please don’t follow any advice from this person unless you want to cast a blight on your child’s trip and cause bad feeling between you and her and her husband/ partner .
this could impact your relationship with them ever after.

Meet her for the time she can offer , no sad or angry or bitter comments or hints.
you can say in a nice way that you wish you’d seen her more but understand how much they’ve had to cram in as well as jet lag etc and hope she’s had a wonderful time and how much you will miss her.

also please don’t ’show Her this thread’ as someone else suggested, that would be awful.
You don’t have to be ‘breezy’ but anything else is just going to ruin your last few hours together and her memory of her time over here.

They were there for five days. The DD was at work during that time. They met in the evening. Maybe the DD couldn't get leave. Maybe they couldn't be arsed.

The DD has done lunch and evening out of 28 days.

when you say adult child how old are we talking? Young enough to think ‘oh I’ll be back again soon, it doesn’t matter’? Unless you speak up you won’t know and she won’t know how not prioritising you feels to you

Who travels halfway across the world to only go for dinner with their daughter a few times before buggering off and travelling instead?

i mean this nicely, but have you/do you visit them? And if not, how come? I’ve lived away for 11 years with minimal visitors, I go home a lot but have lost touch with all of my old friends due to prioritising family. It’s hard to manage it in a way that everyone is happy tbh, I’ve sacrificed myself & your dd hasn’t it seems like. I would be gutted if I were you though!

So he's been her stepfather since she was 12 or thereabouts? From personal experience that's a tricky age to suddenly have a new man you're not related to land in your home and take the role of your dad. Again from personal experience if I had the option of staying with my dad or my mum and her partner if choose my dad every time. "Get on fine" isn't the same as feel comfortable and enjoy spending time with.

I can understand both sides.

I expect she has many people to see and alot more travelling once here.

I wonder how many people she is visiting , there must be lots of friends on both sides.

I would be disappointed if my adult children only visited on only one occasion.
My sister lives away and when she came back home my Dad would complain that she was either late or didn't spend enough time with family and preferred friends ,which is important too.

He would get cross , she would get cross and complain about having to go from one town to another and not have real quality time with anyone.
I think you could ask if she would like to come for a meal and stay the night before going , rather than her going back home and regretting saying anything .

The mother and her husband didn't spend that much time with the daughter either, when they visited. I would be very interested to hear the daughter's side of this.

This is terrible, and so, so unkind of your daughter. Is she generally a selfish person? Who travels halfway across the world for a month to spend one day with their mother?

Yep, or just a mother/daughter who aren't actually all that close.

OP hasn't taken time off work either - she expects her DD to work her plans around her shifts!

OP also only visited her DD for a few evenings then went off travelling elsewhere.

Awful. You poor thing! She's behaving abysmally towards you!

True. This thread is giving missing missing reasons.

I assumed that it was her DD who didn't offer to put them up or see them for any longer than the five days, given her behaviour on this visit.